A
female
age
41-50,
*lannahsparrow
writes:I've been seeing my new boyfriend a little over a year. He is a very sweet guy. He wants to get married, and I'm unsure I really want to. I know that my reasons will sound very vain. He doesn't have a tax paying job, he works for cash doing whatever he can. The reason he does that Is because he owes the IRS ten thousand dollars and he wants to keep his free medical insurance. That makes me very nervous. He doesn't make much money at all. And if we did marry he would move in with me and I don't think he will be able to contribute to the household finances. I make enough to support me and my kids but not an extra person. And he also doesn't drive, he has never had a license, he is afraid of driving and that makes it hard to because he depends on me to take him places. He doesn't have any kids of his own. He was married for 18 years. I'm just starting to feel like maybe thus would be to hard. I think he is a great guy, loving and caring and makes me smile all the time. Should any of this stuff bother me?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 July 2019):
 Did you tell him what you think? That he needs to be a RESPONSIBLE adult before you two can marry or did you end it?
If you did tell him, what did he say?
A
female
reader, alannahsparrow +, writes (21 July 2019):
alannahsparrow is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the answers, I guess all this does bother me more than I realized. For the one that wrote that his ex wife probably divorced him because of finances, that wasnt the case. She never worked, he took care of everything, but then he had a much better job, not that it really matters any. The idea of marriage has been tabled for a while. I do need him to be a responsible adult and until that happens i know i wouldnt be happy in a marriage with him. Thanks again.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 July 2019):
Should it bother you?
Yes, I think it should. Especially if MARRIAGE is in the card or on the table for discussion.
Once you MARRY someone, THEIR financial issues CAN become yours. He shouldn't even CONSIDER marriage until his debt to the IRS is paid off. Working under the table is NOT going to pay of that debt. Which means IF he EVER gets a better job (and doesn't negotiate a payment plan with the IRS) his wages will be garnished until his debt is paid. they won't just "forget" he owed them money.
So WHAT (besides his sunny disposition and making you smile) does he BRING to a marriage?
Will him living WITH you mean that your kids will have "less" - as far as money you can spend on them, because you ALSO would have to take care financially of him. And don't forget... IF he moves in with you, and you make over a certain amount HE will still lose his "free medical" and then what?
Having an extra adult in the house DOES cost more money.
If he DOES decide to DO what's right and work on paying off what he OWES the IRS, what kind of job can he even get if he can't drive? Are you supposed to also be his chauffeur? Would ANY job he CAN get pay enough to cover your gas costs of driving BOTH him and yourself to work? On top of errands, kids activities etc.?
I think, AS sweet as he may be, HE really isn't going to IMPROVE on your life in the long run. He will become another dependent of you. And you will eventually resent when your kids will go without something because HE is dragging on your finances. And HE will eventually resent either you OR the kids for you not "taking better" care of him.
Sorry, to be blunt, but he sounds like a loser. (as far as being a partner and husband).
I can see why the wife divorced him. Bet SHE was the one dragging the financial load before and simple could no longer do it.
Don't look ahead to him MAYBE one day getting a job or wanting to drive. AS things stand right now, he would be a DRAIN on you, your family and your finances.
You can't live on air, what if's and love alone.
He just doesn't have much to offer as a spouse.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2019): You did mention you have kids. Will you actually be gaining a husband, or another dependent?
If I were in your shoes, marriage wouldn't even be under consideration. For each and every reason that you mentioned.
He's a man-child, and a slacker. Not just because he's broke; he's financially-unstable, and you already have kids. Sorry if I'm being redundant. I think I kept mentioning that you already have kids!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (8 July 2019):
 Should any of this stuff bother you? DOES it bother you? There is no "should" involved. It either bothers you or it doesn't. If it didn't, you would not have written in.
In your shoes I would not even consider getting married to someone like this. It would be like adding another dependent child to your household. Sweet as he may be, he is not really marriage material, is he?
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A
female
reader, suzzzque269 +, writes (8 July 2019):
 ok this might make me sound cold and heartless--but my advice to you is to get rid of this guy! not only does he not have a regular stable job but he owes tons of money to the irs then you could be held liable.
https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=A0geJaAPeyJdtOsANyZXNyoA;_ylu=X3oDMTExaWVyM3B1BGNvbG8DYmYxBHBvcwMxBHZ0aWQDREZENl8xBHNlYwNzcg--?qid=20090831095058AAcabFx
not only that but if he doesnt have a license most likely after awhile hell start coming up with excuse after excuse about why he cant find work or do anything to help out in any way...i speak from experience!
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