A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My BF of 6 months is nice and gentle except in bed. I mean he starts nice and gentle but it always gets very dominant. He was abused as a child and HAS to be the dominant person in bed. I want to please him, but he now wants anal sex EVERY time we have sex and it's ok occassionally but not every time. He also does not like to take no for an answer so during sex he'll ask for anal, I'll say no and he'll say "don't you want to be a good girl for me?" and I usually give in eventually to shut him up. He also now wants to slap me and hurt me during sex and do other degrading things (I think they are degrading). I have stopped him a few times lately but I know he's not happy about it. He also wants to take me to a club and see me get gang banged! I am not a prude, but this is getting a little too much for me. He said since he was abused as a child he has to have total control over me to get off and me letting him hurt me and have anal sex is a "real turn on". He also JO's every day if we don't have sex. Is he an addict or something? This is a true question so please advise. Thanks!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2009): When people are abused as children, they mimick what they learned as adults. He needs serious help and if you stay with him you too will be messed up for life. This is a very dangerous situation for you and I would suggest you leave him. It may hurt, but not as much as the hurt both emotionally and physically that he will put you through.
The hurt you will feel by walking away will be gone in a few months, the pain he will inflict on you will escalate.
It is hard to say if he is a sex addict or not by the information you have given us, however, he does in the very least seem to be heading down that slippery slope.
Please take care of yourself, he won't.
A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu  +, writes (20 February 2009):
 Im sorry saying you have been abused is no excuse for this kind of behaviour! You should enjoy sex and it should be enjoyed by both of you. I think you need to sit and have a serious chat with him before he starts to get even rougher and hurt you. he wants to take you to a club to see you get gang bang thats not right. If things dont change i would NOT put up with this.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (20 February 2009):
The fact he was abused is very sad, and it may explain some of this but why do you seem to think this makes it ok for him to want to abuse you?
It does sound like he is spiralling into a very bad place. You don't say how long you have been with him. If this is a sudden change after a long relationship then it could be that he is having some kind of problem and he might want to get into therapy.
If it's a new relationship then this could be his true side and you may be stuck with this.
If you aren't happy with your sex life then you either have to make him change to please you half the time and not just have your entire sex life focused on him, OR find a man with less issues over the whole thing.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (20 February 2009):
 So, he says that since he was abused, this is his excuse for doing this to you? He seems to certainly be using this information to his advantage into getting you to fulfill all of his fantasies. You seem to have accepted that since he was abused, this is the way he is and your sex life has to be. Well, I don't think so.
You shouldn't be putting up with this. If his sexual desires are making you uncomfortable you shouldn't be taking part in them - and he shouldn't be pushing you to. If you say no, he should leave it at that and prioritize his respect for you, not his urge to fuck you, hurt you.
It seems like he is abusing YOU. And yes, he does seem like an addict... to sex and control. I'm not accusing him of being abusive anywhere else but in the bedroom, but that is not something that you should put up with. Make it clear that no means no and if he doesn't understand that, it's time to leave him for some who does.
Good luck, sweetness.
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