A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and things are going good. He told me yesterday that he wants me to stop taking the pill and he wants to start trying. Im not really sure im ready. I love him i really do but im not ready im not sure i even want kids and not right now i want to get a stable job and etc and be married. But he is 7 years older than me. He says how all his friends have kids and he wants one. He has taking my pills so i cant take them but i want to and he says we will start trying tonight what should i do. I feel like he is being unreasonable and not totally fair but hes hard to say no to. And im not sure how he will take it. ANY ADVICE btw i lost are baby 7 months ago when i was 4 months. I dont think im over it yet and dont want to start having another one before ive come to terms with it. I think he blames me for us losing the baby and tells me so sometimes i really dont know wat to do please help ????? THANKS
View related questions:
the pill Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008): no don't stop until you are ready i had a child three years ago with a man 10 years older than me i was in my young twenties i do all of the work. I love my child very much but when i look back and when i look into my future sometimes i feel like i made a mistake.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): Your the one that will have to take care of the child most of the time, so if your not ready, then stick to your guns and say no!
...............................
A
female
reader, lilmisse2424  +, writes (22 April 2008):
 Hi there,
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your unborn child. Anyways, back tot the topic:
The decision is all yours because this is your body that you are talking about. if you want to have a baby and you are ready for it, then stop the pill. If you are not ready with it, then you stay on it. Do not let your boyfriend tell you what you need to do because others are doing it. Do what is for you, and if he keeps this up, you are better off walking away before the relationship gets ugly. It will be hard to leave him, but you will have to if you decide to part ways.
I wish you the best and good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, Tine +, writes (22 April 2008):
 to begin with love im so sorry to hear about your loss but miscarriages happen for all different reasons, you need to understand that it may have happened anyway no matter wat you done..
second of all i think that if you have to ask the question 'am i ready for a baby?' then i think you are just not ready. Your boyfriend may be a few years older than you and maybe his friends do all have kids but at the end of the day his friends arent you. Don't let him pressurise you into doing something that you know yourself, you arent ready for. BY taking your pills is showing complete immaturity, instead of talking about the situation and having a conversation and then compromising with you it sounds as though he is trying to control you slightly and thats not something that i would consider a good quality in a relationship..
so what you need to do is sit him down and have a full conversation with him and let him know that you feel that you arent ready for a baby just yet, there are plenty of years ahead of you to have one, you just want to build a stable home for it before rushing into things. This is something that he wil have to accept because at the end of the day you are the one actually having to carry the baby around for 9months and actually give birth.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 April 2008):
 Sorry to hear about this situation; it sounds really difficult to deal with. And I'm sorry that you lost the child you were carrying, I hope that you have time to recover from this loss.
Please bear with me as I give you this crazy advice, but I want to really think about your future with this man.
I have some ideas for you, I'm going to categorize them into practical, dramatic, and over-the-top.
One, go get fitted with a coil as soon as possible or get the depo-provera injection from your doctor. If you don't want to get pregnant, you shouldn't be forced to. You can use a spermicide and sponge until you're fully protected from unwanted pregnancy. He does not need to know about these. (Practical)
Two, leave him straightaway and go stay with a friend or your family until he realizes that you really mean that you are serious. Not taking 'no' for an answer is a sign of an abusive man, I think. (Dramatic, yet also practical.)
Three, meet him at the door in a white dress and veil, telling him how happy you are that he is going to marry you in the next week, and that you've already made the plans for it. Make sure you've told your girlfriends and his friends about the happy news, and don't forget to include his family in the notification process. Also, be sure to set up the wedding service, set a date and time. Start cooking for the reception. (Over-the-top and dramatic)
Four, tell him that you'd been afraid to tell him before, but that there are serious genetic instabilities in your family's past and that you're afraid that they could be transmitted to your children too. (Over-the-top and dramatic.)
Five, succumb to his wishes and let him do what he's planning without taking your feelings, concerns, future happiness, and well-being into account. (Uncategorized)
Six, meet him at the door, tell him that you are not ready to have children yet, that you would like to be married first and that this is not open to negotiation. Stand your ground. (Practical)
Seven, do #6 above, and start on the invitations and the seating chart for the wedding. (Practical)
Eight, tell him you're delighted he's agreed to be the stay-at-home dad he's always wanted to be, and that as soon as you give birth, you know he'll be the father that he's wanted to be for so long. (Dramatic)
I know this sounds flip but you need to really think about how this man has been treating you and if you really want to hand over your life to a man who is not taking your well-being into account.
Again, I am so sorry for your loss and heartache. But do not do something that you are not ready and willing and able to do... personally, I would get myself out of the house into some friend's caring help or I would go for number six.
I wish you the best, please be strong and safe.
...............................
|
