A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have ran out of options and can use all the advice i can get...I am a 30 yr old woman with a 34 yr old husband.We have 3 kids, and have been together for 14 yrs and married for 11. 5 months ago he left me and went straight to a 22 yr old girl and have been living together ever since.My children and family are very angry with him and i can understand why but i cant bring myself to stop loving him, and feel as though he still loves me, even believe that someday he will come home to his family...Am i dreaming??? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): I am in the same situ. Two months ago I was being sent I love u emails and texts. Then he says I don't love you as much as I used to three days after his 43rd birthday.
I dont know if I want or or the step kids, I dont know if I want you to move out, but will let you know when I decide.
I love him so much but slowly he is killing my love for him as he keeps hurting me and seems to enjoy it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2008): I feel your pain i am in the same situation except he hasnt left phyiscaly but is talkig about it the love you r feeling makes it hard. I believe its a midlife crisis there is hope that he will come back. But u have to figure out how long u want to wait. Take care of yourself and kids. Remember everyone has advice and opionions but hun this is your life make the choice that feels right to u.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): I am really sorry to hear this. I just can't see how anyone, male or female could do this to their spouse and ESPECIALLY to their own children! He is obviously s selfish person. Think about it, could you EVER, in a million years leave your children this way? Just to go fool around with a 22 year old boy? He doesn't deserve another chance. File for divorce and make sure he pays as much in child support as you can get. A judge won't be very sympathetic toward him after hearing what he has done to you & your 3 kids.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): I too agree with "country woman".
I also agree with mandy7. He has been gone for 5 months, haven't heard a peep from him. I'm not sure I would want someone back after pulling a stunt like that, and then leaving me hanging with all the family responsibilities. Hopefully he is at least sending money. And what about the kids? I sure hope you can handle the situation with them, if not, maybe you can get assistance from either their school or your government. Don't wait to long to get assistance, otherwise you may have real problems.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): Hi Hunny
I agree 100% with my good friend country woman, She has it to a tee love..I wouldnt want him back. He has hurt you and walked away from his family, Im not suprised that everyone is angry with him...ASK YOURSELF THIS!!!!!!If he came back tomorrow and asked even begged to come back how would you feel? Elated or would you wonder of his motives and what reaction the children would have and the rest of your family...You may not at first but you would most def have doubts when the dust settled.. If I were you I'd have thrown everything out of the house by now not just for me but for my children and the pain he has caused them and how they are hurting for you..My pain was for my daughter and my sons at the hurt they went through..Dont be a doormat is right ever. YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE! My husband was out the door I had his bags packed in under an hr and I dont regret a thing..He left you and his children..You deserve better sweetheart so much better, If you need a chat please feel free to message me PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): It does happen that sometimes men come to their senses and go back to their loving wives and families. That happened to my mother and father three times! Each time he left her for another woman, changed his mind, and came back. The end result was that my mother was always terrified about when he was going to leave again (it turned out that he left a fourth time and never came back by the way). I have a feeling that even if your husband did come back, the trust in your relationship would be gone. It would take a lot of counseling and he would have to be completely committed to change in order for your marriage to work.
What you need to think about is: how will you make it on your own with three children? and, why do you want this man in your life anyway when he's already proven to be unfaithful and dishonest? You deserve to have a man treat you and your children right, and be completely committed to you. If possible, consider filing for divorce. It will send the message to him that he is going to lose you and that you have enough self respect to get rid of him and make it on your own. At that point, he has to make the choice of saving his marriage or going through with the divorce. If he chooses the latter, then you need to move on. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (22 April 2008):
 Hmm not sure about whether you are dreaming but you are definitely trying to hang on to the family image that you once had and you have not exactly got very angry by the sounds of things.
Did you see any of this coming, were there any signs at all?
He has gone off with a young girl - doesn't that make you angry and hurt?
You are the one left with the children and trying to hold your family together, I am not surprised your family are angry, he has treated you like dirt. He doesn't deserve a second chance in my book.
What sort of lesson does it teach your kids as well if their dad can go off with a young girl and then come back whenever he wants to like nothing has happened, surely you need to think about how this has affected them.
You need to find that little bit of inner anger so you don't continue to be the doormat sweetheart.
You need to get strong and to show him what he is missing, the beautiful, wonderful woman who he married 11 years ago and who he had 3 wonderful children with and then close the door in his face sweetheart. Keep your dignity and get strong for you and your children.
He doesn't deserve a second chance and yes this could well be a midlife crisis but would your children ever forgive their mum to have their dad back in their lives and then he goes and does it again?
Make sure he supports you financially and the children and that the contact with the children is controlled by you and them and not to his convenience. If you don't want this young girl around them then make certain that it doesn't happen or if it has already and you are not happy about it or your children are not happy then let him know the situation as you are the one who is the one looking after them full time and it is their needs you are considering as his are not as relevant I'm afraid.
You deserve so much more than him and you need to get strong emotionally and show your children that their mum is there for them 110% and puts their needs first before your husband's as they need to feel safe and secure so don't let him make demands of any kind.
You have rights and I don't know if you have checked into them at all.
Over here if your children are under 18 then he cannot force you out of the jointly owned home as you have rights. You also have financial rights to maintenance etc.
What have you done so far?
I can understand your families fury at him as they just want to protect you and the children and let them be there for you all. He has acted like the immature male so don't defend him but don't let them slag him off in front of your children that's all.
Here any time OK.
BFN
Country Woman
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