A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey I was wondering if I could get some help from some people to help me solve my problem. My Boyfriend and I want to get married. We aren't getting married anytime soon and know mostly everything we want. He wants to graduate and be a lawyer. I want to pursue my art career and possibly be a kindergarten teacher before I have children. The problem is, my boyfriend insists that I remain jobless. We both know that when kids come around I want to be a stay at home mom, because I want to be able to be there for my children like my mother has. The problem is though, I'm scared of financial problems. He says I will never need to work or have a job, but I feel that the idea of him being the only one supporting us for the first few years is completely unrealistic. I would also feel guilty if I just sat around all the time while he worked. How can I convince him that its fine if I work too? I want to be a kindergarten teacher. I want to work. But he wants me to sit while he does all the work. What should I do?Thank you. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (29 January 2008):
 It is better to be more independent than to be dependent on him for all your needs . You may spend your own money anyway you like.You do not have to submit to his scrutiny of how you spend his money.
Work is therapeutic and it can bring joy and fulfillment.
What you have learned and gained all your life will not be wasted.
You could tell him when you have children , you may want be a stay at home mom.
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (29 January 2008):
 Hi,
You have got a boyfriend who is living with 19th century values. But you also embrace these traditional values. However, you are not so keen to totally give up your freedom. This could be a dealbreaker as a lot of men need to have this control over their partner's.
It's a split between is he just a little bit old fashioned as in stating that "you dont have to or need to work as he will earn enough". Or is it, "you wont work because I am the provider".
If its the latter then you might want to really consider what life you are letting yourself in for here.
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A
female
reader, xapathyxrebornx  +, writes (29 January 2008):
 if he instist ask for some money to goo out and buy clothes or things you need. If he says no say "well i'll get a job then so i can do it myself if your not willing to provide"
so either way you win, you get to either get a job or you get as much money as you want =] x
message me if you like x
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (28 January 2008):
 a man who loves you loves and supports all of you, dreams included.this man is asking you to remain emotionally as well as economically dependent on him. it will be so hard for you if you dont' work out and have no job experience. you should really try to be self-sufficient to make you happy with your life choices and with some cash in your pocket
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008): Your boyfriend 'insists', that is no way to base a marriage! Sorry, but you are a free person and it is up to you if you want to work or not, not him. He is 'telling' you what to do know, what will he be like later on. I was in a similar situation when I met my second partner. We had a son together and he put every obstacle in the way when I did go out to work, even though we needed the money, in the end I gave up. I nearly climbed the walls I was so bored and fed up, being stuck in the house with a small child while he went out into the big wide world. No, stick to your guns. Do what you want, when and how you want, and dont give in. You only have one life so dont let it be dictated to by your bf. Take hold of the situation before it takes hold of you and you look around in 20-30 years time, and wonder where in the hell it all went and why did you persue that career. Go for it girl, I will back you.Take carexx
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A
female
reader, speedcat +, writes (28 January 2008):
Why does he not want you to work, did he state?? Maybe he is old fashion, thats all. But if you really want to work then you need to straighten that out before wedding bells occur.
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