A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a long distance relationship and have been for the past year, I'v been with my partner for 2 years and just recently things have gotten very weird ... He seems very distant! Doesn't want to visit due too lack of funds, i have no free time to visit him at the minute! He says he doesnt want to spk to me everyday because that makes us miss each other more, but i like to spk to him just to say goodnight and see how his day was, but he says its harder if we spk every day, Wen i do go home to see him, we spend all the time with his friends. I guess i just feel unapreciated a little bit We've spoken about this but he just shrugs it off and says he'l change but doesnt, Do we both just want different things from a long distance relationship? the only means of contact we have are by a phone call, but is speaking twice a week to man you love really enough? i'm very confused ...
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female
reader, A Cappella  +, writes (28 January 2008):
 You have to decide what works for you.
I had a LD relationship for 6 years of a 9-year relationship. We didn't talk even as much as you do -- we wrote and had maybe 1 phone call every few months.
It's hard, I really understand.
After a while, he and I also decided to date other people, which again doesn't work for everyone, but it worked for us.
What I'm saying is that you and he have to decide on the ground rules, and they have to work for both of you. You two need to talk about it -- have a frank conversation. And if his idea of "what's enough" and your idea of "what's enough" aren't the same, then the kindest thing you can do for yourself is break it off.
Yeah, that's gonna hurt. But it's like ripping the bandaid off rather than slowing poisoning the relationship over time.
Good luck hon.
A
female
reader, Jmo +, writes (28 January 2008):
 Long distance relationships are hard. I know I could never deal with one but I have friends that have tried to make them work (one in particular that kinda makes me sad.) My friend met a guy and knew him for about a week before he was shipped off to Iraq. He came back to the U.S. but had to stay in N.Y. Communications became fewer and further between and when she'd ask why he wouldn't contact her every day (or even every other day) he'd get upset and treat her like she was being too clingy or suspicious. None the less she'd make every attempt to visit him despite financial strain and damn near failing college. Now she's 8 months pregnant and even more distant than before. I hacked into his e-mail and to no surprise he had been cheating on her with several different women throughout their entire relationship (even though they were engaged before she got knocked up). I know this isn't the same situation as yours but maybe he only speaks to you a couple times a week because the other days he's with someone else. I don't mean to put suspicious thoughts in your head, but it's a likely possibility... I'm sorry. Despite what may or may not be going on, maybe you're not cot out for a longdistace thing. Maybe you should discuss staying in contact but seeing other people. Just a thought. I wish you the best and send my sympathy.
Jmo
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