A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Sorry for the length! :(My boyfriend has insisted, and his fmaily too on meeting me. He is from out of state, and he will be going to the same grad school with me.My roommate to-be had to move last minute, so she left me there alone with the lease, and due to "convenience" we have talked with my boyfriend about living together.Of course I know the pitfalls of living together, but I am not interested on marriage and do not pursue it, and neither on kids. He is "very" serious about me and has talked about marriage, and he does not want kids either. If ti happens it happens. I'm in NO hurry to marry.The problem is that he is a pastor's son. His fmaily is very conservative, and he was raised on a "wholesome way" He of course, does not go to church and rejects the lifestlye choosing instead to live by his own rules. Of course his family does not approve, but they respect it.My worry is that their parents found out he will be my roomate, they of course do not like it. It does not help that the last (and only) girl he has introduced to them was my same nationality and the relationship was horrible. So his parents already have a pre conceived notion of how "I would be" which is of course bad, and make comments to him such as how girls of my nationality are "dramatic". So on top of this with them finding out we will cohabit I am starting with the wrong foot with them!I feel like they would think I am not worth their son's love. His mother has said that he "puts me on a pedestal" and I think they worry that I am using him for citizenship (I am an US citizen, so I am not) I am not Christian at all and he is not either.I am of a different culture/nationality and eventhough skin color wise I am whiter than my boyfriend, I think that they would be concerned if I was another skin color! So, on top of the cohabiting, my nationality...how cna I look good on their eyes?I know I sound bad for not being concerned about "playing house" and not wanting to marry (not a priority now) But I am a "good girl" I volunteer a lot, I have a 3.8 GPA, I work and go to school, pay my bills. I have motivated my boyfriend to get in shape losing over 40 lbs, and motivated him so that he got straight As on the semesters... I'm not a Christian, or a native-born American, and I am much more "liberal" than them and I am willing to cohabit with their son. I am afraid these issues will make them dislike them dislike me instantly. I think his mother feels I'm taking her son away from her... (not my intention, in fact he calls often home because I make him..) ... I will meet them because it is important to my boyfriend, according to him I am the "smartest most beautiful girl" he has ever dated, and he wants to "show me off" and he swears they will love me. BUT! I am EXTREMELY UNEASY! Please help, what would you suggest for me to impress them? What should I talk to them about? How do I deal with his mother?...Sadly, I think I am trying to seek their approval even though it is impossible, I am trying to look good on their eyes,,what can I do?By the way, I am 21 and he is 24.I know that even if they do not like me, they will "have to get over it" as his son chose me, but I do not want them to worry, or cause a strain on their relationship as a family.Thank you and sorry for the lenght!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (19 December 2012):
Hi there. You can't do anything but be yourself.
So there is no need to pretend to be someone other than who you are, because that comes off as very FALSE.
You want to be genuine and have integrity - what they see is what they get.
Just as long as his parents and family can see how happy you make their son feel, well then that should be all that matters to them in reality.
All parents really want is for their children to be HAPPY.
That is the most important thing, they can ever wish for their children.
Nothing is more important than genuine happiness.
They just want to know and see for themselves, that he IS happy and enjoys being in your company.
And that you are clearly happy and enjoy being in HIS company also.
Nobody in the world could possibly wish for anything more than that for their children, out of life, surely.
And until they meet you in person, all they have to go on is what they have heard from their son, and what he has told them about you.
And it's clear they really WANT to meet you, and your boyfriend really WANTS you to meet them also.
And that on it's own, says a LOT.
Whatever you do, just to create a good first visual impression, DON'T wear a top that is showing a lot of cleavage.
And nor, should you wear a dress or skirt that is right up near your bottom either.
So in other words, cover yourself up a little, just to be respectful towards his family.
And that is a really important thing.
And also, don't be all over your boyfriend while in front of his family.
If you want to hold hands, that's okay. Just no kissing or touching him too intimately, that's all.
It would cause them some embarrassment, and awkwardness as well.
And NO swearing or using bad language - I know you wouldn't do that, but keep it in mind, just the same.
And greet them with a nice warm friendly smile, and shake their hands, on your first meeting.
And then, just be yourself.
You can't really be anyone else, now can you?
Take a few slow deep breaths before you step inside the front door, to keep yourself calm.
You will almost certainly find that you have a lovely, fun time there, and will wonder to yourself why you were so nervous about it in the first place!
There is nothing whatsoever to fear.
If you accept and respect yourself totally, well then everyone else will do the same.
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