A
female
age
30-35,
*shley Rae
writes:My boyfriend and I had unprotected sex and now the worry of pregnancy is in thought. He said that he had everything figured out and if I did end up pregnant he would be there for everything (that was before). Now that he has talked to his dad about it his dad said that if I am he would take everything and fire him leaving both of us with nothing. Last night we were on the phone and I couldnt really talk like if it was just me and him because my mom was home he asked me to do something that is against everything that I believe and value. He wants me to induce a miscarriage. In my eyes that is the same thing as an abortion because you are killing a baby that didnt stand a chance. I want to tell him that he needs to step up and take responsibilty that he can have me AND the baby or he can leave. We both talked about the chance of getting pregnant and both decided to do it anyway. I feel like somehow me choosing to keep the baby and let him leave if he wants is wrong because we are the best thing to happen to eachother but I couldnt live with myself if I knew that it was my fault that the baby died. The people that know about the chance said that they were here for me but I dont want this child to grow up like I did. How can I get him to see how important this all is to me?
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female
reader, Ashley Rae +, writes (11 December 2008):
Ashley Rae is verified as being by the original poster of the question OK well I told him what I thought and at first he seemed a little bit shocked but he saw it my way. He is getting everything settled with his family and I am doing the same with mine so that we can set them down together and tell them. He said that he was just scared and didnt know what else to do, but when he went to work he said he didnt feel right because it would be our baby. He has a cousin that had a girl miscarry so his cousin is going to give us the stuff that he had saved up for the baby, like clothes and a crib and rocker. I know better to get my hopes up but after we talked it sunk in that I could be pregnant right now and now that I know he isnt going to ditch me with a child I am soo happy!!Thanks for the advice everyone!!
A
female
reader, xxidkxx +, writes (11 December 2008):
 hello, Dude dont even let him tell you what to do.
your the one that has to have the baby.
Recently me and my boyfriend had sex, and i though i was going to end up prego because we didnt use a condom. and he asked me about an abortion, and i straight up told him im not going to do it. and i told him if he didnt want it he can leave and ill take OUR baby and go from there.
and he told me no hed be on my side 100% but the thing is it made me feel good that i didnt just keep what i felt inside.
you need to tell that boy what you think. and this isnt comming from a 40 year old. im only 15. so were around the same age.
make sure you tell me how it goes.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008): As had been said before.Only you and your partner have any right to decide how to proceed with this child, if there even is one growing.I would not be so arrogant to assume that just because it's your body that acts as an incubator that you have sole responsibility in this situation. The child's father has as much biological right to influence the decision that you do and so his opinion must seriously be taken into the account.Ultimately though as it is you own body that will be operated on and your own body that will form the biological symbiosis for 9 months then it is your decision that must be the final nail in the coffin.Never let anyone tell you that just because you are young that you will not amount to anything with a child. That is ignorant and stupid. Plenty of people have and plenty of people will make good lives with a child. It's hard and challenging but that just makes the payoff so much sweeter when you find that balance.If you choose to have the baby and the boy won't stand up to his family and become a proper man and take on his responsibilities with love and bravery and honour, then let him go. But don't ever stop him from being a part of the child's life, because that child hasa right to know it's father, even if the father is too chickenshit to accept consequences.Abortion is an option, sadly. But one that I thoroughly object to unless it is in the most dire of circumstances, ie. that baby will be stillborn or so ill physically or mentally that it has absolutely zero chance of a life. Thats it. The one an only morally agreeable reason in which an abortion should be considered.But this is getting ahead of yourself. You may not even be pregnant at all. Get a test and do it. Then go to the Doctor to confirm the results.Then you can figure out what will happen based on that.Next time you might try using the Pill or a condom, or both to minimise the risks.Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008): Leave him Now love. He cannot talk u into that. Have your baby k dont give up. Hey im 18 and pregz i have to tell my dad soon but no matter what im having it because its my baby. I agree with u inducing miscarrage is killing it u dont want that. Good luck and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, Natalie1985  +, writes (10 December 2008):
 This is YOUR decision,this baby is growing in YOUR body. If he relaly did not want ababy then he should of stuck something on the end of it. I have been in this exact situation and I now have a 14 month old baby that I completely adore,I couldn't go through with abortion and I know that if I did then I would of regretted it and always thought 'what if'.Make this decision on your own withought his influence, this is your decision,its easy for men to say 'get rid of it' but its ur body that this innocent baby is growing in.Good luck x
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A
female
reader, cherrysundae19 +, writes (10 December 2008):
You both knew the consequences of having unprotected sex, but yet you both continued without a condom. This decision is not up his his father, your mother or anybody but the both of you. You two need to get together alone without any family or friends around and discuss how you two feel about this situation. Clearly you already know how you feel about this situation, now you need to voice to him how important your feelings are. People usually think of an abortion as "the easy way out". You as the mother have 100% control over this whole situation, and you need to tell him that so he realizes not everything my go the way he has planned out in his head. If you are completely aganist abortion then there is no reason why you should do something like that for a guy. If you lose him over keeping the baby, then that just shows you what kind of man/father he will be and is. Don't give into the pressure of him telling you to induce an abortion, stand your ground you are a strong woman. He needs to face this big responsibility and move forward. Good Luck
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