A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:okay so ive been with my boyfriend now for 4 months, we were having sex before our relationship and were very close to each other, but on friday night my parents were away for the weekend so i had the house to myself and hes was stayin at mine but he told me he loved me and wanted to start tryin for a baby, i told him i wasnt ready, i dont want a baby and im not ready to be a parent, apart from that, i cant be sure that he would stay with me, he probably would, but how do i know that after 6 months of me been pregnant he wouldnt say ahh fuck this im goin, and leave me... how would we fund it, yeah hes workin but hes not on a great wage, im goin to college in september, how do i go to college and look after a baby, he couldnt lpok after it cause he works, wat would i do about college when i was havin the baby, i dont want to throw my life away! theres so many reasons, and i explained everything to him, he told me he wouldnt ever leave me, he would look after the baby, he would be there, he'd find away to give it the best life, he'd pay for everything and he would get us a flat! but im not ready, i kinda see us as a casual couple, i dont wanna start a family, i wanna be a teenager, hang with my friends, go out with my boyfriend whenever i want, have loads of sex lol but protected sex! i wanna go to college and get a good job, build a life and a home before i have a family! but his heart is set on a baby! well i think it is! i just dunno whats goin on in his head, im scared incase he traps me, like purposly splittin the condom or like doin something while im asleep, i dont think he would but i dont know, should i go on the pill without tellin him? how could i do that? or should i just refuse to have sex with him? what can i do? thanks!
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condom, the pill, want a baby Reply to this Question
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female
reader, cthulhuhugs  +, writes (1 September 2008):
 Get yourself on the pill either way, but don't hide it. It's your body. If he "won't ever leave you" then he won't leave you if you do this. If you insist on staying with him, even though you obviously don't trust him then tell him that you WILL have an education and you WILL have a flat and a savings account before you even CONSIDER having a child. Congratulations on being responsible and refusing to have a baby you know you're not ready for.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou for your replies! :D im only 16, i know im not ready for a baby! i dont want a family, i wanna like x...BabyGirl...x said, go out to cinemas etc, we are using condoms at the minute im just worried that he may stick pins in them or something, he knows im completely against abortions! no matter what, so he knows if i do get pregnant, then thats it for life! thnaks again guys i apprieciate it, ill drop some hints. x
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A
female
reader, MuffinGirl  +, writes (29 August 2008):
 I see, you're completly panic because of this situation. Tell him the same things you told us. You're smart enough to not have baby at your age and your school ambitions. There is a time for everything. It takes 2 people to make a decision about having baby. Finish school, try to better know each other, tell him how you feel about this. Remember, it's not neccesery he's "the one", specially because you're together for a such a little time. About pills, I think you can use them without his knowing. If you don't trust him enough, why not? Pills are always good contraception decison, if you use them properly. Good luck and enjoy your youth.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (29 August 2008):
 What a mature young lady you are :D This is a breath of fresh air to read a young teen saying she is too young for motherhood.There are far too many children being raised by young girls, who have no financial means to raise their children.You stick to your guns and make a life for yourself my love.
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A
female
reader, x..BabyGirl..x +, writes (29 August 2008):
 Well if he had sex with you while you were asleep that would be counted as statutory rape and if I were you I'd report him for it no matter how much you love him or how much he says you. Though that's highly unlikely, so I wont digress.My cousin was in EXACTLY the same position when he was 16. He was desperate for his long term girlfriend to get pregnant and he kept saying to us 'I'm going to be a daddy soon!" As you can imagine, she wasn't ready for a baby and she put her foot down. They were still sexually active but it's still just the two of them and he's not mentioned it since. It will pass, you just need to give him time to realise that a baby will turn your world upside down and just because the legal age for sex is 16 that doesn't mean that you're obliged to try for a baby as soon as you blow out those sweet sixteen candles. Take him to the cinema after dark or bowling and then gently drop the hint; say something like "This was nice. See we wouldn't be able to do this if we had a baby." Be subtle. He will get over it I promise you. But until he does continue using condoms and maybe you should see the doctor or nurse too see about getting the pill. Don't feel pressurised to have a baby from fear of losing your boyfriend. If he leaves you for that and that only; he's not worth being with. Good luck x
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A
male
reader, smarterman  +, writes (29 August 2008):
hello, let me tell you something if don't want to have sex with him you have to prvent him from having sex with you, but if you are afriad to get preganat you must use condom or contraceptive in order to avoid being preganat.if you want to know he is going to marry you or not, i think it depends on how his feelings towards you,i mean here you have sound his feelings out very well, iam telling you this words form experaces,anyway i wish you the best.smartman,,,
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A
female
reader, princessjasmine +, writes (29 August 2008):
If your doubting him and thinking that he'll do something to "trap" you, then honey...leave him. Why are u feeling so pressured? Why shud u hide bc pills from him? Obviously ur afraid of him..and being scared of somoen..U WONT EVEN ENJOY THE SEX....why the FUCK is he asking for a baby wen ur 17 yrs old? u have a life ahead of u..it does look like hes trapping u...DONT FALL IN THAT TRAP...get the hell away from him...
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