A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am confused about the messages that my bf is sending me with his comments about weight. I recently lost 30 pounds, putting me now around 160 pounds. My bf is very proud of me, and seems to enjoy the changes in my body. I do too! I'm very excited to be losing weight finally now that my thyroid is under control and I have a low calorie diet and lots of exercise. What confuses me, is that I told my bf that I want to get down to between 120-130 pounds, and he said that I would be too skinny. I am 5'1'' so this is a normal weight range for my body type. Another facet, he had this friend that he was in love with his whole life and thought she was so hot and beautiful (they are no longer friends, fyi. He told her he couldn't continue having her in his life because of his feelings). She is 5'9'' and he guessed she was 125 or 130! So do you think he really does like thinner women, and that I should just continue losing weight until I'm happy? Why would he idolize her body, when she is rather thin, and then say that I should not get too skinny? SO confused. Thanks for reading! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone :) I feel a lot better! I definitely read too much into things that he says.
A
female
reader, mooh  +, writes (8 November 2012):
If you want to lose weight, you should do it first of all for yourself and not because you hope it makes your boyfriend happier! In the end what matters is if you are happy (and if it's healthy of course!)
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (8 November 2012):
I am 5'9" and I've had an eating disorder for more than half of my life. Recently, I donated a bunch of my old clothing that hasn't fit for about 5 years because i've gained weight. Right now, I am a 'healthy' weight for my height. These clothes that fit when I was 125-130lbs--they looked like child clothes. At least one pair of shorts is a girl's size. While some teens who aren't fully developed, and rarely some women who have a small frame can be 5'9" and 125-130 and look ok they are the EXCEPTION.
If you lose too much weight, you will risk your health now and in the future. Muscle weighs a lot more than fat does. To stay healthy, you want to lose fat, build muscle, and strengthen your cardiovascular system. If your weight gets too low, you risk impairing your internal organs, your reproductive system, you risk bone loss and developing osteoporosis later in life.
Instead of focusing on your weight, focus on your overall health and level of physical fitness. Do this for you. Never compare yourself to someone else...everybody's body is unique.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2012): OP is your boyfriend the only kind of guy you're attracted to? The only height or thickness of guy you find hot?
He's not, I'm sure you've liked all kinds of varied types of guys in your life time, some who were probably the complete opposite of how your boyfriend looks in many ways. Tall, short, blond hair, black hair well believe it or not he too can find all sorts of women attractive.
OP don't ever try to lose weight to fit into what you believe to be other's ideal. Especially when it's not even true in this case. He wouldn't be your boyfriend if he didn't think you were beautiful the way you were when he first met you and even if the weight you lost was gained during that time it wouldn't have put a dent in your beauty to him. Most of us really don't think that way.
OP we guys are generally not as shallow or strict as you ladies are when it comes to your appearance I know no guy who thinks women need to be skinny, need big boobs, need to wear fake tan etc. they may like those things but a woman doesn't need any of those things to be attractive to them, although no normal guy likes fake tan at all only weird Jersey Shore types.
The biggest mistake you women make is try to presume what we like, then try to fit into that ideal and ignore the fact that being with you in the first place means we like/love what you have and who you are. You ladies seem to love this idea that we too are somehow obsessed with your weight and you look for signs that is the case, I hate to break it to you OP but your body issues are your own, we do not share that view of you, stop projecting your weight thing onto him as a flawed version of what you think he likes and never ever compare yourself to an ex, they're our past, you're our present and hopefully future. We don't so why would you? OP if he eats chocolate ice cream that's not a sign he only likes chocolate ice cream. The way you view this ex friend thing is like seeing him eating chocolate then buying him 40 tubs of it when he actually likes strawberry a lot more, guess who's strawberry in that analogy.
Lose weight for you, to make you feel good and understand his comment was probably more so a compliment or said out of concern for your welfare. You can't deny there are so many women that take this way too far so don't take it too far OP, just enjoy your weight loss and be sensible. Let him enjoy the fruits of your extra confidence, you're doing great. Don't worry too much what he says, when it comes to what body shape he likes in women he's the same as you, and can find many different body types attractive.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 November 2012):
 I'm 5'2" and I can tell you that at 135 I was skeletal... too thin... I look best at around 140-145...
do not base what you want to weigh on the BMI charts.. they are very very skewed against us short folks...
my husband loves to LOOK at thin women but he told me when I was 135 it was horrid to hug me as I was bony.... he likes me now at around 160... I would like to lose 10-15 pounds but he's happy with me the way I am....
How about you accept that men can like to look at skinny things because they show clothes so well but they prefer to love on women with a bit of padding for so many reasons...
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (7 November 2012):
 Your bf sounds like more than anything he is bad at telling what women weigh.
If you want to lose weight, do it for you and I'm sure he will find you attractive. Congratulations on losing 30 lbs! If you don't want to lose more weight, he already finds you beautiful.
He clearly loves your body and the way you look no matter what. If you want to lose weight for yourself, he's still going to find you attractive.
He didn't have feelings for his friend because she was thin, so don't try to compare yourself to her. Also that stereotype about men being terrible at guessing weights is usually true so she probably didn't weigh what he says.
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