A
female
age
51-59,
*evazoe31
writes:(Mod note: please explain why you don't have a job or why you are not actively seeking employment as that is the first thing the aunts will ask you.)"I am a carer of 35hrs a weeks lookin after my son with the autism "My boyfriend treats like one of his kids,he moved in with me a couple of months ago I really thought things would be different with him,but how wrong was I.ever since my second marriage ended in March I basically lost everything except the roof over my head,the family I knew disowned me after 28yrs and my youngest son decided he didn't want to know me and went and moved in with his biological father I see him now and again : he has austisum and is 23 the neighbours also refused to talk,I don't have a job as its so hard but my boyfriend works full time,when it comes to asking him for money he would ask what I need it for I was so embarrassed the other day as he handed me 3pds in change he takes control of the shopping etc,I myself only gets jsa and I have my own essentials to buy I really don't know how more I Can take any advice please.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (16 October 2014):
 Hi zevazoe, have you had a chance to gather your thoughts on this relationship all in one place? You've posted a number of questions about this same individual and your circumstances, and it does sound as though you are in over your head and need some family and relationship counseling, as well as financial counseling. Have you sought those yet?
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 October 2014):
 This is at least the third question you have posted. If you are not a troll, then you have such a myriad of problems I suggest you need more than online help and must seek out a qualified professional.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-partner-looks-at-other-women-whenever-we.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-boyfriend-treats-me-like-one-of-his.html
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 October 2014):
 Your post is rather confusing, and I would not want to sound harsh and uncompassionate, but I guess it will have to sound this way until at least you have cleared a bit some of the confusing points.
- You are on jsa , but that's only for people actively seeking employement- are you still actively seeking employement ? How ?, and when would you work, if you have to care for your son 35 hours a week ?...
- then again, is this the same 23 y.o. guy who went to live with his dad and wants nothing to do with you ? So, where does this care takes place ? Ar your ex husband's house ?...
- I get it that you are in bad shape financially, nevertheless why did you even expect that your sort-of-new bf would provide for you ? Why do you assume he should give you money ?... You aren't married, nor engaged, nor it is an established r/ship. You got divorced in March, and had the new guy moving in just two months ago. That tells me it's a relatively new relationship, still at the getting to know each other stage. Maybe he just wants to DATE you , not to feed you and clothe you and do everything for you; frankly I would not blame him.
- What do you mean by " he takes control of the shopping " ? that he pays all the food and bills for the both of you rather than paying you rent ?.... It would sound sort of fair, - on the other hand, if it's not like this, and he is not paying your household expenses ... a) why did you take in some guy when you don't even have enough for yourself !, and b) why is he not paying you rent ?..
- I can imagine that jsa is not a lot of money ( what is it , around 60 £ a week ?, something like that ?)- then again define " essentials ". IF ( if ) your bf is paying for all you eat, then I suppose you have quite enough for stuff like toothpaste, soap, toilet paper etc.
I don't think that it's reasonable of you to expect that he buys for you , I don't know, new shoes or new outfits - when you are in the process of getting a job yourself. That can surely wait until you have your own income ?
- Are you sure that you can even afford ( and I do not mean materially, I mean psychologically, emotionally ) to have a new relationship right now ?. It would stand to reason that your whole focus should be to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, and leave no stone unturned in your job search, and try to rebuild your relationship with your SON, and also make sure he is properly looked after if you go to work full time, and in general that you take all the possible steps to check if there is any possible form of goverment / municipal / private assistance available to you and your son. In other words, you've got to give yourself a life make over, that requires time, committment, detrmination, persistence- are you sure you even can / want / should dillydally with love and romance and lovers' squabbles at this point in time ??
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