A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating this great wonderful guy for close to 8 months now. I'm attractive, intelligent and well liked. I have never been single or had problems getting dates. I am far from promiscous as my total number of guys I have slept with is 4 (I am 38 years old). I have a daughter from a previous marriage that i care for. The reason I am writing is regarding two issues. I have been insecure with my body since I had my daughter. I know I'm not the same (sexually) in regards to my lower half. I'm embarrased to even elaborate but I know I had great feedback before. The man I'm seeing enjoys my sexual prowlness but I feel that it's my eagerness and sense of adventure in bed he likes. Not the sex itself. I asked him about it finally tonight because it had been bothering me for some time. He admitted that his first girlfriend was better than me and one other but that I'm "very good". I am so heartbroken. My self esteem is shot. I knew I was tighter before but hearing him admit he's had better....not sure what to do. My question is, if a guy admits he's had better but still enjoys the sex for all it's fun, will he stay?I'm wondering if it's enough tobkerpnhim. We have a lot of fun in bed but knowing I'm not satisfying him 100% has changed things. Should I just walk away?
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heartbroken, his ex, insecure, self esteem Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSex has really changed for me since he opened up but all I can do is push back those thoughts and know he's with me because he likes the whole package. I'm adventurous and willing to please and I think he takes notice and appreciates it. I can't change my body but I can change his experience by being more secure. I heard men don't care for insecure girls. In the end sex is much better when there is deep love and passion to go with it. Thankyou to everyone again.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010): I am in the same boat...i've been with my fiance for 7yrs, we have a child together...and it hurts the most to know to this day..that he prefers having sex with his ex more than me. Although it was a long time ago, in all honesty, at times I dont want to perform in bed or I push him away...insecurities...Of him not really wanting to be with me in the first place. Although he says he's feelings changed since, and he loves making love to me, the only thing that goes through my mind, is the fact that he still said what he said, and now when he says differently, it makes me feel as though he is lying. So it depends on how you deal with things, me..im still trying to deal and it still hurts me, so if its something you know u cant get over, but you love this man, stay and do everything to make it work and let him know how you feel so he can take those steps with you. Every1 is different so it might not take you as long as me to get over you know?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010): My girlfriend of almost 2 months asked me this question shortly after we started being intimate and I am guilty of saying that a couple of my exs were better. She was, and is heartbroken and I've done everything in my power to make it up to her. Apparently I am too honest for my own good.
Maybe I don't have pillow talk common sense, maybe I was so high on those feel good endorphines that I didn't realize what I said until after I said it.
But I do know why I said it. Experience. My brand new gf asked me this question after 4-5 times together. How can I compare 4-5 times to a combined 3 years with my 2 exs?
I hope to work this out though. I'm crazy about this girl and I want a very long relationship with her. I am happier with her in this short 2 months than I have ever been with any of my exs.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for asking Ohgetreal. Things are going great. We are living together quite happy and the sex is even better. I think it helped for us to talk about our fears and desires to one another. Our next step is actually going to be marriage and kids so I'm happy to report he's in for the long haul. I'm glad I decided to move past my doubts and let things be. Thankyou to everyboy for their advice.
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female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (16 October 2010):
 So how's this working for you? How happy are you currently in your relationship, an update, please.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've since spoken to my boyfriend about how rejected I felt by his comments. He told me that it was a bad joke and didn't mean it at all. At this point I don't know what to believe but all I can do is keep the passion going and with time things will be even more amazing. Thanks again for all the great feedback. It helped me a lot!
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (18 September 2010):
 It seems to me that there will almost always be some blazingly sex-crazed wild woman who was better than you in the sack. Most guys just have a little bit of common sense and know NEVER to mention that girl and ALWAYS say that their current girlfriend is the best he's ever had.
I do think that your boyfriend is a bit of a blockhead for saying anything, and I completely feel for you - I'd have a hard time getting over something like that said to me myself! But, I also think that there is something to being with somebody you love. While it might not be the most physically crazyexciting that you've ever had, it's the most genuine, beautiful, and intimate you've ever had. You can pay a prostitute for amazing sex, but you can't buy true love just anywhere. Not to mention - does he cum? If so, then you are pleasuring him 100%.
My husband has been with like, 25 women. I've been with just him. He's had wild experiences with wild, enthusiastic women. I KNOW I'm not the wildest, most exciting and "best" sex he's ever had. But, I know that he loves me beyond his wildest dreams and that fact alone makes the sex we have greater than any kinky lovefest could ever match.
I understand why you're hurt. I would be too, and it's okay to bring it up. But ultimately, I think you can work through this (and if you can't, it's okay to break things off and move on). Good luck!
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female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (18 September 2010):
I am not going to comment on what he said to you about the sex, but my question for you is why are you so focused on the sex you are giving him as a way to keep him?
Have you told him what you want out of this relationship? Has he told you he is in this for the long haul or do you think he might just be in this because you are giving him sex and he can string you along as long as you will let him.
I know this book might be over simplified, but I think it points out some things that women tend to do when it comes to men and it sets them up to be hurt.
"Act Like A Lady, Think Like a Man" by Harvey....
You can find it free to download on the Internet, I'd give you the link, but DC won't publish it. Just google it and see if you can find it, or if you want to PM me, I'll see if I can send it to you that way.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (18 September 2010):
Well you asked him, so that means you had to be prepared for what you didn't want to hear. Should he have been that honest? Probably not. Not that I'm saying any relationship should consist of lies, but to spare the other partner's feelings, one should probably keep some things to themselves.
If you really think it's something you won't be able to get over and you're going to be even more self-conscious over something you already felt that way about in the first place, then walking away is probably your only option. You'll only keep thinking about it and probably even start to resent him, especially if you don't feel that he is enjoying it. If you want to stay, I think you need to express to him exactly how it made you feel hearing that and try to get some reassurance from him that he does enjoy having sex with you. There's no doubt that he doesn't, but with what he uncovered, it would be a blow to anyone's ego.
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