A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend (27) and I (26) have been dating for two years. Ten days ago, he told me he's not in love with me anymore and that he needs a break. He was everything a girl could ever dream of in a man. He truly could not have been a more perfect boyfriend. Up until about three months ago, everything in our relationship was absolutely wonderful, but then we began to fizzle out a bit. Something just wasn’t quite the same. (Just for the record, I never, ever suspected another woman. And I still don’t. He was never mysterious, always answered my calls, never acted suspicious, we spent almost every night together, etc.) Anyway, I figured that this “fizzling” was just a phase we were going through. For several weeks, I was caught-up in my career and some things with my family. He had just started a new job and was juggling the job and night school. I chalked the change in our relationship due to outside stress on both of our parts. I talked to him a week ago and he said that he doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. It's too much with work and school, but that if he was in a relationship, it would be with me.Even up until he told me he wanted to take a break, we seldom argued, always spent a lot of time together, had fun, both were very affectionate, enjoyed each others friends and family, etc. We talked for quite a while the other night and I asked him if we could give it another try. I told him that I realized something was wrong in our relationship lately, but that all relationships go through changes and that I don’t feel that our situation was so far-gone that we couldn’t fix it. He told me that he wasn’t in love with me anymore and that he didn’t want to work on it now... he needs a break from a relationship to sort himself out. I know he wanted to marry me and have kids with me and all that at one point not too long ago. I'm so confused as to why he could feel this way and how he could so easily write-off me and the relationship we had. None of my friends, family or his family understand what happened or why he did this. We made a great team and our friends and family liked us together as a couple. I know I can't call him and I figure it’s best to let it settle and see what happens. Any insight or advice would be greatly appreciated. I’m so confused.
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female
reader, hh  +, writes (2 July 2009):
I think you got a great guy there. It is worth it to hang on and don't let go. You must understand that guys are not as smart as girls and they can't handle many tasks at one time. For example, work and school would be stressful enough and he doesn't want to fall behind in either. So to be successful he decided to put a stop on his relatiohship so he doesn't get distracted from his other loads.
What I suggest is give him space but keep in touch with him. Call him every once in a while but don't put pressure on him. Only give him calls when he is free and not studying. At the end of school semester you will be able to find out if he changed or if he is spending more time with you. If he is then the school and work was the cause of your problem. If he doesn't change then try to move on. This will also give you enough time to get used to the idea of letting go in case if he doesn't change. It is sad to see such a great relationship falls.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007): Distance make the heart grow fonder. I too had a similar experience with my girlfriend not to long ago and after a split of a few weeks she was back calling me saying how much she missed me. Sometimes a break is the only way you can truely value someone. I know its hard to hear but its the truth. Weather he knows it or not he will soon remember how much he loves you and misses you, my guess he'll be calling in less than a month. Here's the hard part of this advice....When he does call make sure he's bakc in "relationship mode" and not just friends with priviledges. If he wants to reconnect with you make sure that you don't loose the ground you've made with him by just hanging out. Like I said its tough to say no when he asks to see you but that exactly what you must do untill he's ready to acknowledge the relationship again. Find something esle to occupy your time. Maybe join a gym? good luck and I'm sure it will work out.
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A
male
reader, Andy00  +, writes (6 September 2007):
 Awww, hun, that really is terrible. It's certainly one of those stories that makes me understand human beings a little less.It sounds like you two really worked well, and had a lot of fun over the course on the 2 years. You sound a lot like me to be quite honest. I too have recently come out of a relationship I thought was going so well. It isn't nice. There must be some reason for it, and I think you may struggle to get through this without learning the reasons why. That said, there is no gaurentee that you will get the answers you crave. I didn't.It's all about time. Time heals all wounds, and this is just a wound that is hurting you at the moment, but it will ease. I suggest that you move on, but leave the door marginally open for him, so to speak. He may come around after a little while, and if so then you can decide whether you can trust him never to put you through this again. I wouldn't think too much into this, because, and it hurts me to say it; I feel it is doubtful that he will come back.Anyway, I could go on, and if you'd like to chat, please message me. People got me through my situation while I was at my worst, so I would love to help pull you through if I can. I'll close by saying that it is perfectly natural to be confused and hurt at this time, but you will not feel like this forever. It's going to pass.Good luck, and like I say, please contact me if you like!
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