A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend told me he thinks other girls are pretty. I know this is probably over reacting but i got very upset by this, he always told me he never even looks at girls and i can't stand that he would look at a girl and think about how pretty she is. He's not a sexual person and he's not all that bothered about looks but I know he would be upset if I thought someone was more attractive than him. It's probably unreasonable to expect him to never notice attractive girls but it's not exactly something you would tell your girlfriend. I think it's just a bit rude to say to your girlfriend that you think other girls are gorgeous. It was really hurtful but I'm a naturaly jealous person, am i over reacting or is it normal to feel like this? What would you say if your partner said the same thing?I really hate feeling second best to girls on telly or girls in the street who i know are better looking than me, he used to make me feel good about myself now i feel like he doesn't even want me. He also said that if he fancied someone else it wouldn't be his fault but previously he said if i had a crush on someone he wouldn't want to be with me, he even said flirting is as bad as cheating but i think he flirts with girls because he has low self esteem and it would make him feel good.He's a very jealous person too and doesn't like me even going out places, I work at oxfam two days a week and he hates it yet he thinks it's reasonable to text me saying there's a pretty girl in tesco.Am i just being jealous and unreasonable?
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male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (5 December 2009):
 Hard to say because so much depends on context. Some girls just are very pretty and for a husband or boyfriend to deny it if asked would be insincere however of course no man should be doing anything which plays up the insecurities of a woman he loves. The texting you from TESCO seems very odd but on the other hand if you ask "do you think this girl is pretty?" and he says "yes" then he is just giving an honest answer.
A
female
reader, Shan25  +, writes (5 December 2009):
your issue is simple he's and jerk and knows how to belittle you and your in love so your letting him do it
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2009): Maybe you could both go to relate, its a counselling service for couples and they deal with loads of issues but it seems like you could both benefit from some guidenance. He shouldn't get jealous of you working, everyone works. And it really shouldn't be too big a deal if he finds girls pretty. Some girls don't bat an eyelid at their partner watching porn because they know it doesn't mean a thing and prefer to be honest with each other.
Like I said before, Relate could really help you both and make your relationship stronger. Take care.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (5 December 2009):
 I'm sorry to say I dont really understand. You are between 22 and 25 and he is jealous you work two days a week at Oxfam. How would he be if you had a full time job?
I think its a bit weird that he will text you to say there is a pretty girl in Tesco! Maybe next time he does it text him back that you are standing next to the most gorgeous hunk o spunk you have ever seen, give a full on description, chiselled jaw, bright blue eyes, rippling shoulder muscles etc etc.
Seems both of you might have a bit of a self esteem issue, you need to decide if this will lessen or get worse as time moves on and make your decisions accordingly.
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