A
female
age
30-35,
*oveheartgal
writes:my bf told me he thinks about having sex with other girls all them time. He said he would never go with them or leave me. He said he loves me very much and wants to be with me forever. He said he sees girls everywhere and thinks about having sex with them even my girlfriends. He said that when we have sex he thinks about having sex with other girls. Is this normal. Do all bf's do this? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, JSBach  +, writes (27 July 2009):
Most men with a normal sex drive do fantasise about other women,but what they do not do is tell their girlfriends about it because it is hurtful and pointless.What's going on inside his head is pretty much what every guy thinks, but he has done a lot of damage to your esteem and your relationship with his remarks.If you want to continue in a relationship, you have to tell him rather forcefully to keep his own private thoughts to himself because they hurt you. If he can learn to shut up and not ogle girls in public, you'll have to try to forget his remarks.
A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (27 July 2009):
 I don't think that it was normal for him to tell you these things.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2009): There is such a thing as emotional cheating so I hear and this seems to be it. Personally, I agree with the others and would only want someone who wants me and only me.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2009): Being a guy I think he's just being honest and stupid. More honest than stupid though.
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A
female
reader, noonespecial2  +, writes (27 July 2009):
With my last response, I asked a visiting 19 who is going through the exact same thing to reply to your question purely expressing how she feels just to show you how you are not alone.I have found that many people who reply on this site, give their opinions (all well intentioned)yet their opinions are based on where they are in their life and with a completely different boyfriend. So,the issue is, this is where you are at, and I suggest you tell your partner how you feel about his comments so that you are being just as honest as he is. There's no such thing as normal. What is happening to you now is normal for you and what your boyfriend is going through is normal for him. In my opinion, I think your partner has a bit of an ego problem by telling you as much as he did and was insensitive to your feelings. A lot would depend on whether he just offered you this information or whether you were disussing it as a topic. I wouldn't like to hear this myself although I have been in a relationship where my partner and I used to verbally speak about these types of fantasies aloud to each other during sex and we were both ok with with it. So in saying that, it doesn't mean that what I do is normal for you. I think to get to that level there needs to be trust and I wonder if you have that level of trust yet. I also think that if someone is going to be unfaithful, they hide it and are not as upfront as he is and I would be wondering if he is trying to provoke insecurity in you. I suggest you tell him how you feel and start from there and remember there is no such thing as right or wrong, it is just as it is. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2009): I agree with other posts. Tactless and mean! Yes it's normal to occasionally think about others, even sometimes while having sex. But these need to be quick and fleeting thoughts when he's with you. When he's with you, you deserve to be the only girl on his mind. It's up to you whether to stick with him, but personally I think it's only a matter of time before he follows through with his fantasies.
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A
female
reader, noonespecial2 +, writes (27 July 2009):
It's like he is cheating and i'm upset about it. what can i do. i worry that every good looking girl he sees he will be thinking about sex with her and when he closes his eyes during sex i feel turned off because i wonder if he's thinking about one of my girlfriends or some girl we bumped into that day. I need help. I don't know if all bf's are like this and he is just being honest. i want a bf that only thinks about me. i want to end it because of this but if all males do it i'm damned and i'll never feel happy with any man knowing they all do this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2009): No all boyfriends don't do this. Listen, this guy is giving you a heads up about what he is capable of doing later. Thoughts start from the heart and its just a matter of time before you actually perform the action. The only thing I commend your boyfriend on is honesty (telling you he fancy other women). What I don't like is the fact that he does it. Do yourself a favor and end your relationship quick. He is with you and thinking of other girls-thats not cool babe! You want a boyfriend that is gonna be into you mentally and physically. You want to be #1 on his mind and the only. Don't settle for less. It's really no reason to keep him around. He probably will be with you forever and be cheating forever at the same time.
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