A
female
age
30-35,
*iona666
writes:Hi,Well I am having great relationship problems. I feel very lost and don't know what to do. My boyfriend told me he loved me and things were great between us. Then i noticed he was acting off with me and on questioning him he said he didn't know if I was the one and he didn't love me. He said He wants to take things slowly with me to see if he would develop such feelings. He said hes been in love before and has never felt these feelings with anyone else since. When we were last together he wouldn't even hold my hand and he admitted he was scared to do so and didn't know why. I agreed that I would take things slowly but now he will not even put our relationship status on facebook. His reason was that he didn't want to put it up till he was sure that we are right for each other. He also mentioned that if we do not work out he is hoping for us to remain friends. He seemed to converse about this idea a lot and it came across to me as he thought that is probably what will happen. However I do not stay friends with ex's.The thing is I do love him very much. However Its so one sided and he doesn't seem to care about me the way I care for him. I feel like I am waiting around for him to decide if he wants me or not. I also feel so lost because I thought everything was fine and I was looking forward to our future together. My question is should I pace the relationship with him when he has told me he doesn't know if i'm the one and is hoping feelings develop or should I move on and forget him despite my feelings?
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female
reader, fiona666 +, writes (5 January 2013):
fiona666 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for reading, you've given me a lot to think about.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (5 January 2013):
I'm a little confused, how long have you been with your boyfriend? Because the way he's acting, he's not acting like your boyfriend. It's like he's jumping ahead from being friends to not being able to call himself your boyfriend unless he wants to marry you, which is weird.
It sounds like he's keeping you around until something else better comes along. Not that you're not good enough, he's just clearly a little slow and doesn't know it yet. Sometimes guys take time and sometimes guys are just jerks. But I will tell you, the more you pressure him and want him to make a decision, the more he's going to keep telling you that you're not the one. Make yourself scarce and tell him to figure out his dilemma, in the meantime, you're gonna do your own thing.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (5 January 2013):
Well, in my opinion there's enough good people out there to not feel like crap over one guy who treats you like your okay for now.
The feeling of rejection can make people think someone is more special than they are, but your head should be telling you that this guy is not exactly the perfect guy.
Leave him like your head is telling you to. If he tells you he wants you back, ignore your heart and wait for a good guy. Don't settle because you want to win him over.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (5 January 2013):
 Once "he said he didn't know if I was the one and he didn't love me...." then all bets were off... And when "He said He wants to take things slowly with me to see if he would develop such feelings..." ... that was YOUR cue to say, "Fine.... once you sort out those feelings, you can get back in touch with me. Meanwhile, I am going on with my life... WITHOUT YOU...."
This guy who you describe has done a fine job of keeping YOU on the line, whilest HE is - effectively - telling you that he will continue to act as if he has no committment to you.... and doesn't really plan on doing so (making a committment) until/unless you push the issue. PUSH THE ISSUE!!!!! (for your own sanity and peace of mind.....)
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, rolfen  +, writes (5 January 2013):
 My advice is forget him for a moment, and concentrate on yourself, and adjust your visions of the future to the reality that you are describing. You are feeling lost and you will continue feeling like that.
Do not put any more work in the relationship or any pressure on that guy. See how it turns out; if he keeps sending weird signals and being self-centered then you will be able to take the right decision. Just try to be ready for whatever the future might hold, and you're doing a good job so far.
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