A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been officially dating since mid may, but have been talking as friends for about 10 months prior to that. He's a great guy that i enjoy talking and spending time with. I've Always had a 'thing' for him, and when we were just talking as friends, he seemed very interested, and was a huge flirt! He was courting me for months until finally i budged and gave into his charm. ??After that..., as a couple, we moved rather quickly. It seemed so right at the time, in fact..., it always seems so right with him. I really feel comfortable and happy around him. But after what he said last night, to continue this relationship seems only wrong. He said; "the only problem I have with this relationship, is knowing that it's eventually going to end." Then he went in to telling me why I won't be good for him, and that he does not see me in his future. That he really likes me, and enjoys spending time with me. But we have some very different personality traits, and that I need to find somebody good for me. Then he goes to say;"I'm thinking about your needs." Followed by; "I feel like I've helped you come out of your shell a bit. So when you're ready, you can go out and find the guy that you're supposed to marry, and be happy. I'll be giving you what you need."I was hurt, and honestly, a little shocked. I feel as though he's already anticipating the end. That this might have all been pre-planned. That he's gotten me where he wants me, and is already preparing to say goodbye. That I'm just some fling. He tells me; "can't you just enjoy what we have right now? I already know I'm not breaking up with you right now. I'm not ready yet. I really like this. I enjoy being around you. It's not like Im going to leave you high and dry when it happens anyway." I won't lie to you, I feel really disappointed that I even took the chance with him to begin with. And my heart is already broken. He laughed at me, and said; "you must have been skepticising that we would one day get married."It's nice to hear that he thinks this is all a joke! (sarcasm) Usually, I'm pretty realistic about these kind of things. So, no. I wasn't thinking of marriage that quickly. But I feel like when you go into a relationship, you walk into it with the hope that it's going to last, and then maybe, after so many years consider if theres enough potential to get married. I know it's so early in the relationship. But for him to say such a thing..., I'm really hurt. I guess I just feel like, what's the point? If he knew/already sees the end, why bother getting involved? Why did he pursue me in the first place? I feel like this is all just a waste. He says he's going back to school in January. I feel like I might be someone he's just using until then. It really hurts my feelings. Any advice on what I should do? Please and thank you very much for your time! :) - L
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female
reader, Spaghetti +, writes (23 July 2013):
You arr asking why. Well, firstly he is I assume in your age range 22-25. Why would he want to tie himself up so early in life where he is not even stable?I give the guy props for being honest with you so you are not making up ideas in your head. He already figured out you are not the one, but enjoys the relationship. You on the other side are marriage focused and see that as the goal of a relationship. He doesn't, he just wants different things out of life.Basically, you know you will be an ex girlfriend soon. If you want to just have fun with him without any compromise of what the future might bring, then great! But this deeply troubles you, and he WONT change his mind. So, if you cannot deal I suggest you walk away.In my experience, I am not looking for anyone to marry, and I've turned down proposals. Marrying is not my goal, finishing school and traveling are my priorities (I'm your same age range) I am faithful to my boyfriend and we enjoy our time together. Does not mean I'll marry him, but I won't give him an expiration date. I think that was pretty insensitive of him.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (23 July 2013):
 Walk away. Simple as that. Yes you are just a fling, something fun to fill his time before he goes back to school in January.
Men are quite good at detaching emotions from sex and relationships, they can have fun with people and 'like' the girl without ever developing stronger feelings. In his head this is just something fun that keeps him occupied until something changes in his life and he no longer requires a 'fun girl' to fill his time.
You are clearly really into this guy and you wanted something long term from him - next time you meet a guy if I were you I'd try and figure out early on whether or not he wanted a serious relationship too. You dont have to talk about marriage, but you get a good idea from a guy when he starts to make plans with you that are a few months down the line etc.
Walk away now before it gets worse, you are already heartbroken so its only going to be worse if you stay with him and are second-guessing every day when the time will come that he dumps you. Your feelings for him will get stronger over time, so best to end it now before you get any deeper into this.
He is a jerk, simple as that. An immature guy that doesnt see the harm in using girls for a bit of fun until he's ready to move on. All this crap about him bringing you out of your shell and doing you a favour is rubbish, he's just making excuses to make himself feel better when deep down he knows he is just using you and you get no benefit out of it.
Walk away, and never look back. Learn your lesson from this - make sure a guy wants the same thing as you before you get involved. I think with this guy because you kept him waiting 10 months you were a 'conquest' and once he had you, he then started to think about his next conquest. Next time dont make a guy wait so long to be with you, and ensure he wants a long term relationship too.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (23 July 2013):
 Are you sexually involved?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2013): Leave him - before he leaves u. Don't give him the chance to humiliate u, be strong and leave him. What a jackass he is!! x
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