A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm at a point where i'm so confused. I love my boyfriend with all my heart, and though the following things I list seem like it would be easier to break up, that is just not what I want at this time. My boyfriend is becomming hard to deal with, and I just don't know what to do. When ever we get in an argument he tells me I'm imagining things, I make things out to be worse than they are, or he'll just defend everything and become mad. He also has just stopped trying completely. I can't remember the last time he has said something nice to me, it's always just criticism. Our relationship has become dull. We've talked about how we wish we could get back to how things were, and when I try to have fun with him or be sweet, he just says i'm annoying, or to just stop. In fact a few weeks ago, he told me that he liked me better when I'm drunk. A few weeks ago, we found out that his ex is moving back. My boyfriends bestfriend (who has become one of my really good friends) asked me what I was going to do about it. He told me that part of him thinks he will stay with me, but the other part says no because he always goes back to her... [about 6 months ago they started talking again and he told me and her that no one could ever replace his ex, but than apologized a few months later] he also told me that my boyfriend thinks he has me in the palm of his hand and that I will never leave him. My boyfriends friend thinks that this is a bad idea?He does have positive qualities though... he asks me before he does things (going out and drinking with friends and girls) and has no problem if I would rather him not go. He also likes to talk about our future, and plans he has for us.There is sooo much more to list, but I pretty much just wrote a whole paper on my relationshp problems, so I'll leave it at this for now.So my questions are... how do I deal with this? What do I even say to him? Advice about anything I've written would be amazing, or even just your thoughts.Thanks :)
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female
reader, Crawlemptymoon32 +, writes (20 November 2011):
Well I've been through the same thing actually and I ended up leaving him. What you need to do is start taking control. If he feels he has you "at the palm of his hands" prove you're able to stand on your own. Talk about an ex boyfriend moving back into town and how his ex and your ex should each have a double date with you guys. This would definitely upset him. If it does, you could clearly see that he has full feelings for her. And honey, a guy that isn't sure whether he stays with you or not, is not worth thriving for. What I wrote above is for the decision of going through this. If you choose not to, just dump him and do it viciously too. He has no right to treat you the way he does. Show him who's boss and show him how you don't need him. Believe me, you don't need that in your life. I wish you the best of luck! 3xx Serina
A
male
reader, Red Sensation  +, writes (20 September 2009):
Reading your message, it looks like your BF doesnt portray the amount of respect for you that he is supposed to show.
If you want your BF to respect you, you have to put your foot down and stand up for yourself more. Show him some power.
Some people dont like it when their partner behaves too submissive. They will start showing a lack of respect. Dont let it come that far. Tell him to respect you and show him that you have your limits too.
If you are not willing to do that, you will be walked over.
Good luck :-)
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (20 September 2009):
 You say that breaking up would be "easier", but that's not what you want to do... listen, girlfriend, this guy doesn't treat you well. Breaking up isn't "easy", it's giving you back your dignity and doing the right thing for YOU. He calls you annoying and tells you he likes you better drunk? He criticizes you endlessly and gets defensive? He turns around arguments so that they're your fault? Your bored in your relationship?
This just doesn't sound fun! And how you could fix this is by both of you putting in effort to have more fun together and be more romantic with each other, but if he's not into that, then he's clearly not into getting this relationship better and he's not prioritizing you and your happiness.
When you listed the good things about him you said, he asks you before he goes out and doesn't care if you don't go and that he's made all these plans for your future together. Sister, it sound like he's pretty controlling (even though he asks before he goes out) and doesn't really consider YOU at all. Apathetic if you go out? He's plotting out your future?
It does sound like your boyfriend thinks he's got you in the palm of his hand and that there's nothing he can do that will upset you enough to make you leave. He thinks he's got you wrapped around his finger. Is that the kind of guy you want to be with?? This guy doesn't respect you or even love you - if he loved you, he would make sure that you're happy all the time and he would show you in romantic, sweet, fun ways.
He's taking you for granted and taking advantage of you. If you want to make things better, you need to stand up for yourself and tell him that things need to change or you're leaving. And stand by your word. Don't back down or you'll only become weaker.
Good luck, sweetness. You deserve much, much more than this.
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