A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend still talks to his ex-girlfriend almost every day online, and while I know he doesn't have feelings for her anymore, it makes me uncomfortable. Should I say something to him about it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2010): We are planning on getting married yet my girlfriend answered a text from her ex boy friend and accepted to go to lunch or dinner with him. I told her I did not want her to go to lunch with him. Now she is mad because she says I can not tell her who to see and that they are only friends and wants to remain friends. I asked her if she goes out to lunch with him how many more lunchs will follow?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2009): currently i am in that situation right now, when i met he, he told me is over between both of them, and i fine out they are still communicating, i decide to tell he,the best thing for you to do, is to tell he and hear what he will say, goodluck
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2008): Honestly, I'm in a similar situation. My boyfriend has told me that he is trying to get in contact with his ex because they were "such great friends" kind of rationale. And it does make me uncomfortable. In fact I've been worried about him developing feelings for her from time to time. What I know though, is that 1. I trust him and 2. Showing a lack of trust can damage a relationship unless it has good reason. So I haven't interfered with their relationship. So if you are planning to talk to him about it, make damn sure this is more than just trying to be friends again.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2008): yes ,you have to say something .if you dont he will keep doing it. e may not know that it makes you feel the way u do so inform him let him know how u feel dont suga coat it of anything like that sit down and talk and ask himm to put himself in your shoes and how it feel when u are in this position u know what i mean
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): The thing about it is, if you are too available to him, he loses interest in you because he doesn't have to work for your affections [we take for granted what is given to us and we value what is scarce (like diamonds), and take for granted what is plentiful, (like Water, even though water is ultimately most vital to us), we value what we have to work for. And men, just like all the rest of us, love the chase, so put a little doubt in his mind, maybe turn off your phone, go out to a movie with your gal pals with out warning him or letting him know where you've gone, then he will have to wonder where you are, and if your coming back, he will miss you, and magically, appreciate you more. We humans value what is scarce when he doubts your availability to him, you become more 'valuable', and he pays more attention, care, and affections to you. And does what it takes to keep you longer. Like ditching his ex. if it bothers you.BUT Yess! If he continues to talk to her and if he is having a good time talking to her,+ he spends a Lot of time chatting w/her, there is a strong chance that he is going to start developing feelings for her again, but if you take time to have your own life and let him miss you a little once in a while your not at his beck and phone call, Go hang out with your friends or doing your own thing, his feelings for you may very well be stronger than his feelings for her, but if it still makes you uncomfortable, and he does care about you, he will respect you and at least hear you out (otherwise, you didn't want him anyways, Ta Hell w/him, keep on Stepin), He should know this makes you uncomfortable. If he really wants you [and believe me, he will, if you follow the instructions of the 1st paragraph (basically have a life separate from him, a balanced life.)], he will drop the ex. And if he doesn't, maybe he needs to learn what it is to really miss you, and how great he had it with you; he'd come running back for your great love and forget the ex. By the way my email is [email address blocked] if you have more questions, i wanna know how this story unfolded.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2007): I am sure you have a lovely ex-boyfriend that you could talk to every day too! - yes even a fake one! See what happens - I pretty much think your boyfriend will not like the situation in reverse - good luck xxx
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female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (18 April 2007):
 Hun, I've been there and got several t-shirts!
It's a horrid place to be in.
You do need to tell him. But whatever you do, don't yell at him or accuse him. It will just lead to arguements, don't use the phrase "you've been doing..." and "I know there's something going on between you two" because it will simply mean that he will defend himself and will cause a furious arguement.
Use the phrases " I feel..." "I'm concerned about..."
If he continues with this, he would seem to not care about how his actions are affecting you and you should consider your status in this relationship.
good luck hun and I hope all goes well :)
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female
reader, Lau-sta  +, writes (18 April 2007):
 Yes if its making you feel weird tell him how you feel but alot of people are still friends with there ex just make sure thats all it is
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female
reader, elsie +, writes (18 April 2007):
 yes you have to discuss this with him.anything that makes one partner feel uncomfortable should be talked about otherwise it has a habit of festering away.i know where you are coming from.my b/f talks to his ex alot.they have a child but it really makes me angry that i help him and love him very much but whenever we hit a rough patch he runs to her.you dont want this situation to go downhill.best to nip it in the but and set some boundaries.approach him calmly and just maybe suggest he could contact her less often say once a week?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): Well hun,I definitely think u should say something 2 him because he probably doesn't realise u feel uncomfortable about it!Ur probably jyst lacking communication a little at the moment.
U should just say 2 him "look I know u don't have feelings 4 ur ex n e more and I'm not saying u can't b friends wiv her but it's making ne feel a little uncomfortable wiv how often u talk 2 her."Or something along those lines!
I hope this helps!x
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): You should definately bring it up to him. Let him know that it makes you uncomfortable. Its not uncommon for people to break up and still be friends so it would be unfair for you to demand that he stops talking to her. However, if she still has feelings for him and wants to get back together, I would ask him not to talk to her until she gets over him. Don't let this build up. Talk to him, but don't make any demands or ask him to stop without knowing the whole story.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): Wow, the same exact thing happened to me. He was on myspace while talking to his ex, most likely about me, I could only read her messages and she said that it isn't right for us to be going out. I have never seen her, nor really talked to her. She lives in FLORIDA and we like in NEW YORK. What a bitch, but anyways, I absolutely made his delete his myspace and vow to me never to talk to her, he did and thing have seemed to get better. Just talk to him, and ask him what he's talking about with her. If you know he isn't cheating then there is nothing to worry about. But I know there is always that little spot in the back of you mind that is telling you he is. Just confront him please, it could be the best thing and it could save yoor relationship. Say how things worked out please because I'm curious.
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