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*ackBauer
writes: What am I to do???I've been with my girlfriend for about 3.5 months, and for the most part it's been a roller coaster ride......I love her with all my heart and want to do the best I can, but it seems it's not enough.Today, my cable was shut off for screwing up my services prior to my move, I never cancelled the old one and was getting billed the whole time, not realising it. I'm not the best with finances either, which is another reason, it went neglected.So I told my gf today, what happened, and that it would be taken care of and cable would be back by Friday. However, I had to pay the old bill which went unpaid, and that caused her to flip out on me....It's something she had no control over and something that I tried to explain to her, I screwed up on. But she can't take how I screw up my finances and her's are nothing to talk about. And now, her birthday's tomorrow, she took all her shit out of my apt again (3rd time it's happened) and doesn't want anything to do with me. Usually I try and chase her and talk to her when she does it, but I didn't this time.I know I'm not perfect and neither is she, but she has to realize, she can't walk out over every arguement or it won't work. I've given her many chances and she's done the same for me. This kills our relationship. And from prior arguements, she'll call me by the end of the night or I'll talk to her, and either she'll start crying and apologizing and I'll welcome her back.It's cause much stress for me, but I don't want to let her go, cause of how much I care about her. I don't know how much more I can take though, my hair's started to thin out lately, I"m only 24!!!I'm lost without her, I know it's only been a couple months, but we've planned alot together and when it's the good times everything is perfect.....I just can't take her walking out on me for every fault and/or arguement.What the hell should I do.....It's too crazy and causing me some stress......If anyone needs more clarification send me a pm. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2007): OK, Jack. With your additional info, I will apologize for some statements. But I was going on what I had. Let me suggest that the "discussion" still take place, with you both agreeing to sit down and go over finances, "home ec.", etc., together regularly. If she is committed to you and you to her, then it IS her business, too. Best wishes.
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reader, JackBauer +, writes (18 April 2007):
JackBauer is verified as being by the original poster of the question She lives at home still but, is always at my house 3-4 nights a week to clear all that up. And to the last person on the bottom who says they're 24 as well, I did the same thing in school. And I couldn't get my ass in gear unless someone came down on me as well...
Also, she is 22 today. She is not spoiled by anymeans, she has a full time job. Helps take care of her baby nephew, has to share a room with her brother, do loads of chores around the house. She comes from a lower middle class family, and has it rough.
Finally, the cable is back on Friday.
Also, hanz1993, we do all of those things you suggested, and I try to make everything as perfect as possible. The only time I screwed major plans up was for Valentine's Day....I was fired from my job and we were supposed to go to Atlantic City
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): "Living together" is common now, and it is theoretically to see how marriage "might be". If this is a scenario of your possible marriage, I would proceed with great caution. A few months is not very long, but if these things are already the norm, I would consider "separate living arangements." I perceive she has a rather infantile attitude about such an arrangement. She wants to be the little girl she was at home, when daddy, or whoever, took care of everything "perfectly", and she never had any responsibilities of her own. She perceives every glitch as your "inadequacy". Don't go chasing after her, next time. If she stays gone, you are well out of a bad thing. If she wants to come back, then it is long and serious conversation time. After the "discussion", and you decide to try again, I would say, it should be only one more strike and she is out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): You use the word roller-coaster yourself, the more technical word for this is co-dependency. You describe an absolutely terrible and painful relationship, you really do! Yet, both of you come back for more, because you cling on to the memories of being happy to one another.
With three months in to a relationship you should be pretty much plane sailing down that wonderful lake of love and blissfulness enjoying all those great special feelings. Yet, look at the pair of you - look at the pain you're causing each other, all in the name of love?
I agree that arguments happen, but in these early months of dating these should be very far and few between and more kind of minor misunderstandings.
I think Jack the longer you endure this relationship, the more you're going to suffer. You say you're lost without her, but you've done just fine until you met her, haven't you? I think you know this relationship has run its course, I only worry that neither of you are strong enough characters to say goodbye for good.
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reader, peppersalt  +, writes (18 April 2007):
come on mate... look at this from the outside. it sounds like hell and here's the key part... IT'S BEEN 7 WEEKS! having problems this early does not bode well for the future and she's showing great levels of immaturity. finish it now.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): Write hun,It sounds like ur fiance is goeing through a rough patch the same as u r at the moment.All she probably wants is some more luv and 2 b payed attention 2 more.I know hun ur probably thinking that ur giving her loads all ready but I mean PROPER attention such as a night in watching T.v together,a romantic meal out 4 t or going 2 the theatre or cinema etc.
Now u say u normally go 2 talk 2 her and she cums back?Well if she cums back every time then y not do it again?But if u don't want 2 talk 2 her face 2 face then phone her or text her.
If u take her out 4 a romantic meal or something and u book a table and everything then she'll probably know that u really do care and u took the time 2 do that.
Ok so I hope this helps nd it gave u sum ideas!
U can Private email me 2 tell me how u got on!
Hanz1993x
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): Hello Jackbauer,
I am going to be honest and frank with you, good riddance to her. I know this sounds harsh but if this is the kind of person she is, you are definately better off without her.
As for the disconnected cable...Did she not live there in the apt with you? Why didn't she take control with some of the ammenities. Or at least remind you!
It seems to me that when everything is going fine, she is there for the taking. But as soon as there is any sort of hiccup or disaster, she is off, leaving you to hold your own.
This is not acceptable behavior. Would you treat her the same way if the tables were reversed?
You are only 24! You are deffinately too young to be going thin on top. You have to make a stand now. Tell her if she does want to return to your apt or life, she can't just keep walking over you like that.
There is a perfect mate for everyone, you do not have to settle for second best. This lady is deffinately not for you in this current situation.
How old is she? Do you think she may have had a bit of a spoiled life?
If she has a problem with you and your finances, then maybe she has a lot of growing up to do. Finances play very important roles in our lives and if this is how she is going to carry on now, how do you expect her to behave if you are married with children?
This is why we date...to get to know the person we love before we marry them. Think about it, picture yourself with her and a couple of children, you forget to pay the telephone bill and she leaves, takes the kids, and then you have to beg her to come back. Not a stable environment for children I am affraid.
Please write back to me when your cable is back on.
Joanne.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): If you are only 24, why is she living with you? I too am 24 and in all of the serious relationships i've had, we haven't lived together. I don't believe you should try to live together and/or share finances unless you get married. You two need to have your own space apart from each other where you can go to vent.
My ex used to get POed at me for financial stuff. My problem was is that some things I wouldnt take care of unless someone yelled at me. That's probably why I never went to class and dropped out of college. Perhaps she feels that she has to take care of you or play mom sometimes. Take a serious look at yourself. Do you have to rely on her for things such as that? If not, disreguard this. I do think she needs her own place.
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