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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hello, I have been in a relationship for about a year and a half now. Ever since I met my boyfriend about 2 years ago, I have known about his marijuana use. He is high pretty much all of the time, and he smokes it through out the entire day, everyday. I do not notice it interfering with daily activities as he does not go out much at all and is home a lot except when he is working. I do not smoke with him or do anything of that nature and it personally doesn't bother me that he smokes so much because I feel as if people can do whatever they want and make their own decisions. But...should this bother me or concern me? Is this a problem or will it be a problem in the future? What do you guys think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2013): It's up to you, but if you weren't bothered some, you wouldn't have posted on here. Regular weed usage makes people lethargic and in a haze. I really don't see how someone who uses it daily can even function. Trust me when I say you don't want to continue in a serious relationship with a drug user. He is likely using it to escape reality and as you get older, you need a man- not a boy. I'm speaking from experience here: a daily drug user will not change and basically prefers the drug over everything else. You will realize how driven, passionate and energetic a guy can really be if you find someone to date who is not continually in a marijuana hazeGood luck- never settle for less than the best and listen to your gut.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 March 2013):
 Eventually, Cerberus, eventually. Right now , it is only legal for recreational purposes in two states , only up to an ounce, and only for people over 21 . In other 18 or 20 states or so, it is legal for MEDICAL purposes only. At federal level ,though, the ban is still on , which I guess must make life more exciting and intriguing for lawyers, judges and the like.
But, anyway ,mine was just an aside, authomatically prompted by the OP's apparent assumption that all people have the RIGHT to do all they want at all times, just because they want it. That was not the point , I mentioned Gummi Bears . Or ice cream. Ice cream is legal, and within limits is also good for you. If all you do all day long is eating ice cream ,though, then there's a problem.
If your being stoned all day long did not interfere with your functioning and having a normal life, then it's dubious if we could call it an addiction, and anyway it did not made a problem in your life, because you still worked, travelled, learned, met people, you functioned brilliantly ( how did you do anyway , marijuana used to me me feel sooo tired ...Oops, did I say " me " ? I meant, my evil twin )
But, the poster says that cospicuous consumption of marijuana does not affect this boy's life - because he does not have much of a life. Basically, he stays home and smokes. Unless he is working ( and, I'd be curious to know , is he at work everyday, or just occasionally ). Uhm. I think the issue is inevitably clouded by the fact that we are talking about a drug, so the positions are inevitably polarized, drugs bad, no drugs good- but , again, without wanting to even go there, I think anything that takes over your life at this level is a problem. Smoking cigarettes all day, eating icecream all day, watching TV all day, masturbating all day , you name it. Everybody of us at some level needs a form of self medication, a little ritual or something to help us cope with stress, anxiety ,moods - but such a constant, high level of need for self medication, in such a young man...how can it NOT be a problem , I wonder.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): Cindy, marijuana is legal in a lot of states in the US, and it's becoming more tolerated in the others too. It will eventually become legal everywhere. The police here in Ireland will only take it off you and give you a warning these days. Most won't even give you a warning they'll just take it and funnily enough my police friends will very often take it and smoke it themselves if it's a good batch.
"But...should this bother me or concern me?"
Nope, just because people say it should doesn't mean you have to create a problem out of nothing.
I spent years getting stoned, when I'm on holidays from work and don't need my brain fresh I'll smoke weed and enjoy myself as will my partner.
If it's not interfering with his life negatively or your relationship in any bad way then there's no problem.
"Is this a problem or will it be a problem in the future?"
Maybe, maybe not but if it's really, truly not an issue for you now then it may not be in the future either. No need to worry about that now anyway OP, no one can predict the future so enjoy the now.
OP people can talk all day about the moral implications, the legality, the addiction etc. they're matter of opinions and not the reality in your case. I was working full time, travelling europe on my own, renting my own apartment and conducting loving relationships while being high almost 24/7, the only time I wasn't was when I was at work. Even then I had a factory job for a few years on an assembly line, I was high all day working that job and my numbers were always above the required number for my station. I spent my entire time there working while high.
the only crime I've ever committed while high was that of actually buying and possessing marijuana. I never fought anyone, never broke anything, never drove, etc. I've committed more crimes on alcohol like stealing traffic cones.
I still am friends with all my social group from that time, one is a dentist and the first thing he does when he gets home is roll a spliff. I can't smoke anymore because I'm a teacher but when I'm on holidays I'll smoke the odd time before I stop 6 weeks before I go back to work.
OP smoking weed as a lifestyle is not degenerative the way alcohol or other drugs are. Of course it can cause mental health problems, it can have all the negative effects of any addiction but if you don't see any signs of that then there's no problem.
Again though, if there's no issue then don't worry.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (8 March 2013):
If all he does all day , every day is getting high ,it sounds like a full blown addiction, and yes, you should be concerned. I'll completely skip the whole debate marijuana is innocuous- no, marijuana is dangerous, it does not matter. You should be concerned even if it was Gummi Bears, anything you are so involved in ,that does not let you live a normal life is an addiction, and any addiction is very much a matter for concern.( And a normal life is not just staying home, lounging , taking naps and having snacks. It would involve social and relational acyivities, seeing friends, having hobbies and interests, pursuing a career, making plans for the future, etc. )
I don't understand when you say " it does not bother me BECAUSE everybody can make their own decisions ", what does it mean. Of course everybody is free to make their own decisions !, you may want to respect their freedom and choose to not interfere, but it does not mean that you HAVE to like their decisions or approve them. Either you like them, or you don't . Either something bothers you , or it does not. People are FREE to scratch their balls ostentatiously if they wish, - but it bothers me and I would not associate with a man who adopts this habit.
If it does not bother you , it has to be because it actually does not bother you,- not because he has the right to do it ( which, anyway, he does NOT have, since marijuana is illegal in USA ).
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (8 March 2013):
 It sounds like weed is an important part of your boyfriend's life. Many young men get addicted it -- at least mentally.
It sounds like you are starting to realize that your boyfriend isn't amounting to much. If he rarely goes out and is loafing around the house, my guess is that he doesn't have much going for him. Also, any money he does earn probably goes to support his habit. While you state that anybody can do whatever they want, you are obviously bothered by the fact that he is constantly high. Clearly there's drug use and drug abuse -- and if he is constantly stoned, it is probably more of the latter rather than the former.
You may want to explore, for yourself, why all of the sudden you are concerned (he didn't become a weed addict overnight).
In addition, it may be time for you to ask yourself if this is the boyfriend you truly envisioned for yourself. He may be fun now, but where do you think he'll be in say 5 years from now (and what will you be wanting from a man). What do you think would happen if you got pregnant by him -- as he stands today?
To me, I think your question only begs the question is why are you suddenly concerned? Take some time and answer it for yourself.
Eddie
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (8 March 2013):
 i, personally, couldn't be with someone who smokes pot all the time. but that's because i don't smoke the stuff and it just isn't an attractive quality to me that someone i'm with can never be sober.
but like you said, it's his choice. i don't ever judge anyone for their decisions. however, you get the choice of deciding if that's something you want/can live with. you say it doesn't bother you. so i see there being no issue in this. but laziness, lack of motivation, and forgetfulness are all associated with constant pot smoking.
only you know what you're okay with and can live with. like i said - it's not for me. but if you're okay with it, then by all means, stay with him.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 March 2013):
 He's high all day everyday? Is there some reason he doesn't want to face life without chemical alteration of his thinking processes?
He's home all day and doesn't have other interests would be a big concern. Daily activities for most people involves some outside interaction, buying food, doing errands, meeting up with family and friends.
If he's basically staying home so he can get high, um, yes, that sounds like something that should concern you.
I find it appalling to think that people are out there driving under the influence… I hope he's not getting behind the wheel and driving while high?
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