A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing this guy since November time, at first we just slept together and then in January we started seeing eachother. We made it official in April. Before me he was casually sleeping with my friend but had no feelings for her, on Boxing Day he got drunk and they had sex again this was before we got together but after our first time having sex and as I didn't have much feelings for him didn't bother me. But now I do, I really like him, may even love him. But I can't get other the fact he has slept with my mate before. He says if he knew he had a chance with me he would never of and all that. However she is in our friend group and she still flirts with him which gets to me which she denies. I have got to the point I can't even look at them while being in same room, it makes me feel sick and I'm always thinking about it which causes arguments between me and my partner. She has started to really annoy me but I think it's the fact I know they have slept together, I don't want to finish with him other it. But I really can't stand it, it makes me so upset knowing and these pictures keep going through my head. What do I do?
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (7 June 2014):
 Okay, that guy is gross. When someone is sleeping with someone, unless it's agreed upon that you're a no-strings friend with benefits, it's trashy for a guy to date you, sleep with you, and then sleep with someone else. The SEX part infers EXCLUSIVITY even if the "can you be my boyfriend" talk happens. That's for safety purposes, like not transmitting a disease!
I would not stay with a guy who was dating me, started sleeping with me, and then cries technicality when called on it. If he started sleeping with you, he shouldn't have been sleeping with her.
Maybe your values are different than that, but I would find that behavior to be a dealbreaker, because I do not and have never slept around casually.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (7 June 2014):
 You cant change the past much as you want to OP. Yes, its an ugly truth that he slept with her but as he says, he didn't know he would eventually end up with you. And its not like he cheated on you with her.
You have to tell him how you feel about her. If you cant stand even being in the same room as her then that's the end of the friendship and you're just putting up a facade of being friends. Your boyfriend should understand how to feel because if the situation were reversed and YOU had slept with a guy from your friend circle, would he have been able to deal with it?
To top it all, the girl still flirts with him. That is not cool. She does it simply to annoy and irk you because she knows it rattles you and she enjoys that. I think you should just cut this girl out of your life and your boyfriend should also have some boundaries with her out of respect for you. You cant change the past but you can control the present and that's what he should help you with.
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A
male
reader, methuselah +, writes (7 June 2014):
Hi,
I am afraid the way to solve this is to leave the relationship. That way you will not have to do the mind games and see the pictures in your head. The relationship is only in the early stages so that's one way of solving it.
The other way is to try to come to terms with it. To live with it, to get used to it. (I couldn't do this myself.)
The problem is 'in your face' and it triggers every time you see them. It is a shame for you.
Thanks
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