A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly 2 years. We are both 19. We broke up over the summer and since then have not been the same. Since then i feel like he wants to be single and goes out a lot. We both get quite jealous and dont like each other going out with other girls/boys. I try to stop myself getting jealous but he continues to get annoyed if i speak to boys in a 'too friendly' way, he says all he wants is respect when i go out which i guess is fair enough. Last night his male friend went to meet a girl at her house. He told my boyfriend to come with him as his 'wingman' as the girl lived with another girl. i was not particularly happy but i said it was fine as long as he made it clear he had a girlfriend. This is something i'd usually get annoyed about and he appreciated that i was being okay about it. Apparently they were all socialising in the second girls room and my boyfriend started to fall asleep as it was getting late. My boyfriends friend and the girl he went to meet left the room and went to her room. Leaving my boyfriend to sleep in the other girls room. I was furious when i found out my boyfriend had slept in another girls room, even if it was just on the floor. I know he wouldnt cheat on me but i am very hurt and humiliated. He has said sorry but that he loves me and nothing happened of course and i do believe him. i guess if something happened he wouldnt have even told me he stayed round. I do not know how to handle this or whether i am over reacting. Any advice will be helpful!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2012): "I know he wouldnt cheat on me but i am very hurt and humiliated. He has said sorry but that he loves me and nothing happened of course and i do believe him."
Then what's the problem OP, if you know in your heart nothing happened, I mean truly believe that then there is no issue.
Personally I don't believe a word of it. First off I'm not allowed be a wingman that goes on a double date with two girls and goes to their house with my friend so he can score. My girlfriend would never accept that and it's not an acceptable thing for a boyfriend to do.
I would gladly be a wing man, help my friend score and then take my leave but I wouldn't even think to go to a girls house to keep her friend company. I'm spoken for, that's ignorant, disrespectful and hurtful. Why would anyone do that?
Now not only that but there is zero chance in hell I'd be allowed to sleep in another girls room alone with her, and especially as a wingman. It's not that my girlfriend doesn't trust me, it's not that I'd ever do anything like that but guess why she trusts me? Because she knows I don't put myself into those kind of positions, I don't end up alone with a girl in her bedroom and spend the night. How could my girlfriend trust me if I thought that kind of thing was acceptable?
I also don't believe for one second he fell asleep on the floor. This wasn't some house party OP where you just walk over people so why would they just let him sleep there when there's a couch, or chair they could just lift him onto fairly easily. Did his friend nor either of the girls not think that this may be an issue for him to spend the night in another girls room?
Sorry OP but I think you have this all wrong. You're assuming because he told you that he defintiely didn't do anything because he wouldn't have told you about it. What you don't seem to get is that it's much easier to cover your ass if you own up to everything but alter the details slightly. So he';s basically told you the truth in most ways, admitted to all things that could get back to you in case you heard them elsewhere. It's pretty much the best strategy because you then believe what he says, he seems like he's being open and honest but OP, he crossed so many lines.
A boyfriend does not go on a double date and keep a girl company for his friend. This friend could have gotten another friend to do that, or he and this other girl could have waited until her room mate was out. Or maybe even not have to have anyone there to keep her company.
A boyfriend does not end up sleeping in another girls room over night in such circumstances at all. I mean what made him so tired that he couldn't even be bothered to go sleep on the couch?
Sorry OP, I don't believe him at all, this sounds too much like a cover story but you got what you deserved OP, why would you send your boyfriend off on a double date like that?
My girlfriend would never allow such a thing and I wouldn't accept her doing it either.
She's not allowed date other guys or be her friends wingman and she is definitely not okay to sleep in other guys rooms she just wouldn't do it out of respect either, only her and the guy in that room will ever know what happened and she wouldn't think to put such a question over our relationship.
Our trust is based on the other making intelligent, respectful decisions and not putting ourselves in these kind of situations.
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (23 November 2012):
 Try to relax. I can see why your gut reaction is to freak out a lot and get where you're coming from, but I don't think any boundaries were crossed. He slept on her floor and like you said, he told you everything. He hasn't tried to cover up or hide the incident, it's right out in the open.
I think you two should try to figure out what has changed. Why did you break up? Why are you both struggling now? You need to decide whether being together is right for you anymore, since it sounds like you both have a lot of trouble trusting each other.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2012): Hey your not being unreasonable, but you do need to calm down.
Yes okey he did wrong he fell asleep in a girls room he shouldn't have, you have every right to say your piece, then leave it well alone.. ( if the shoe was on the other foot he wouldn't be very chuffed if you did the same)
But best saying how you felt let hi apologise ( which he already has) and honey let it go .
Take care, go have a special night with your bf show him what a catch he has... You!!!
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (23 November 2012):
 You are really overreacting, nothing happened! He was tired and fell asleep on the floor, I cannot see how that is a big deal. He told you where he was going, he told you everything that happened that night - he has behaved perfectly and you are being irrational.
You need to work on your own trust issues, work out why you dont trust him and why you have such low self esteem that you get irate over the smallest things. Your boyfriend has done nothing wrong here, the problem are entirely with you.
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