A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. We have been reasonably happy except for in one regard: sex. He always wants a blowjob, but he never wants to go down on me or even manually stimulate me. He has only gone down on me 3-4 times within our entire relationship. I was only able to orgasm on two of those occasions, and it took me a really long time to come. I think this is because I was worried that he was uncomfortable (he kept readjusting and making frustrated noises) so I felt self-conscious. I have explained to him that the more often he goes down on me the more comfortable and trusting I will become and the faster I will be able to orgasm, but he shows no interest in doing this. I have offered to take a shower, get a brazilian, you name it, but he is still not interested. On the occasions he did go down on me, I told him when he was doing something I liked, and gave him suggestions on what else would feel good. I have asked him why he won't go down on me. He says he has a short tongue and that it gets tired when he has to stretch it so much. I told him he didn't have to use his tongue, just his lips and fingers if he wanted. He was still not interested.He will not tell me why he doesn't want to pleasure me. He says, "If I had an answer I would tell you." But I think he's not telling me something. Even during sex he only makes sure he is satisfied. I never come during sex.Whenever we have sex or I give him a blowjob, I ask him how it was and what I can do to improve. He never asks this of me. I tell him I just want our sex life to be fair. He says, "What does 'fair' even mean." Because he thinks guys need/want more sex than girls. He says that its sad if a guy has to get himself off when he has a girlfriend, but its not as bad if a girl has to get herself off if she has a boyfriend. He did not explain why this was.Do you have any suggestions on what we can do to work through this? Or is this stalemate the death of our relationship?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010): Reasonably happy and not good sex? Somethings gotta change. If he wont see you and your relationship through the change, you need to move on. This guy is selfish. I have an absolute rule that I get my woman off before I cum. I think every guy should. After all...most women are insanely hotter and want to do crazy stuff to make a guy cum if he's already made them cum. A real man would tend to your needs.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (9 July 2010):
 What a "Mr. Me-me" In the "old days" it was a lady's first bedroom. The guy's "needs" were never even a factor until she achieved orgasm no matter how long it took(the longer the better) Tell him "no more BJs until he learns the secrets of the female body.
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A
male
reader, yankit +, writes (22 April 2010):
I was taught that it's a "ladys first world" Try that, say,"I'll tke care of you AFTER you do me!" There should be no hesitation in going down on a women. To me that is the best part of savy sex. There is nothing like a a good eat her moment. Also try moaning,Eat me " the whole time he's down there. there's nothing like reasurances from your partner tha t you're doing it properly to make a guy feel he's important and "in charge" Danger, If you are the type that just lays there a waits for the big O you will bore him to death. Feedback is important
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2010): The guys a complete tool, you need to reassert yourself in this relationship, you've let him get away with too much, that's why he thinks like this.
Do you know how many guys (idiot guys) would love to be in his situation? He gets all the fun and doesn't have to give any in return and there are no negative consequences, the lazy guys perfect life. FYI that tongue excuse is a load of crap and it just shows that he's not willing to even try. Short tongue that gets tired? Gimme a break, if that's the case then perhaps your neck gets tired when you go down on him but you're still willing to do it.
Time to start letting him know he's not sexually satisfying you and if he's not willing to try then neither are you.
'He says that its sad if a guy has to get himself off when he has a girlfriend, but its not as bad if a girl has to get herself off if she has a boyfriend. He did not explain why this was.' Are you serious? What's to explain? He basically just told you that your pleasure wasn't important to him at all, that it was only important for the guy to have fun and not the girl.
You know what, if he thinks it's okay that the girl should have get herself off then that's what you should do. Go buy yourself a nice, big, complicated vibrator that does things that no man can and use that instead of letting him use you, until such time as he decides your sexual satisfaction is something he cares about.
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A
male
reader, bruce lee  +, writes (20 April 2010):
 Well, I think you should do what you think is right at the time. And it's also a question of whether you can find a better guy somewhere else. It's quite simple.
He is a real loser by the sounds of it. If I was in a relationship with a woman, I would be a bit more compromising than he is.
If you do choose to stay with him, you might have to meet halfway.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (20 April 2010):
 Hun, this guy is really so into himself that he doesnt consider you at all!!
Time to have a serious chat to him, either he makes the effort or you are leaving.
Could you imagine a whole lifetime like this??
Honeygirl
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (20 April 2010):
 You need to be firm and assertive with him . If he does not want to do what you want, threaten to leave this relationship.He will be left with no choice and will do your bidding's.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2010): He is really selfish by doing so. For me I feel that any part in a relationship has got to be fair... it must be a mutual thing be in in sex or what...
Girl are NOT A SEXUAL MACHINE to satisfy his wants. Make known to him!
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A
female
reader, single gal  +, writes (20 April 2010):
that is the most selfish person i have ever heard of, next time he wants you to go down on him, refuse.
refuse to have sex with him when he wants it. i mean there s no point for you to have sex with him when he wont help you come. why shud he come and you shouldnt. do you really see yourself in a sexually unsatisfying relationship, where he wont even try.
personally i would have ended the relationship along time ago. sex is meant for both parties to enjoy not only men
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (20 April 2010):
 Well, imagine a lifetime of the same guy if the relationship proceeds.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2010): yeah i think he is very selfish as well. some guys just dont like going down on a girl though, so maybe to pursuade him you need to stop doing anything for him.(including sex and blowjobs) he might just realise he isnt being fair on you. but in my opinion i would get rid of him he sounds like an asshole.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (20 April 2010):
 Mmm he's quite a selfish sounding individual isn't he!!! Personally I would refuse to have sex with him again until he shapes up in the bedroom. And yes if he keeps not coming to the party I think it is the death of your relationship. You will begin to resent him if this situation carries on.
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