A
female
age
36-40,
*ecca 25
writes:i am 25 with my partner almost five years. he is 42.we have a 3 year old little girl which he is very good to. im 7 months pregnant again with his second child.but things have always been on and off with us. he has a drink problem. he can be off it for weeks or even a couple of months and when he is he works hard and is generally good but never shows me any attention. sometimes i feel like it is like a marriage of convenience. and then he goes on the drink again and he is on it for weeks or months.he can be quite abusive mentally and physically when he has drink taken. he is on it again at the moment. i tell him its over and not to come back but he keeps coming back. he broke a window about two years ago cos i wouldnt let him in. so i just let him in when he comes back at night so he wont do anything like that. i really cant find the courage to ring the police on him any time he comes back causing trouble. and he knows i wont. i have no idea what to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): You said it yourself..you have to be brave and follow through with calling the police in those heated times. If you can leave him and live by yourself, do it, but never let him have custody of the children if he's an abuser. It's alot more important just to leave him. You'll get more financial help from the government for your children to make up for the lost money from his income, if you're a single mother, and your children won't be abused. You have to think of your children and how they're going to suffer for your lack of assertiveness. Always have a phone right by your side, so you can dial 911 as soon as he tries to break in again. Also, go after child support once you leave, because fuck him anyways if he's the animal you describe. Then you'll be able to even better take care of your children on your own. You don't need him, period. Would you rather your children grow up suffering at the hands of an asshole like that, or would you rather struggle on your own, and feel proud that you did all you could for your children. Don't think of yourself only, because it sounds like he's already broken your spirit enough to be afraid to help yourself. For this reason, think about your children and what will happen to them if they are still around him. That will give you the push you need. He's twice your age and acts like a loser, having no respect for you,..so respect yourself and your kids. Do what you know you have to do, without second guessing yourself. Otherwise you'll be there 20 years more, saying you love him too much to ever leave him, because he'll manipulate your mind that much more by then. Another tip..try to live with a roommate who is a very trusted friend, so you can have twice the help paying bills or rent. I wish you luck, but only if you try to do those things without giving up. Otherwise, I have nothing else to offer you if you feel the need to stay living with him and to fear him. People like him will never really change if they've been an alcoholic for a long time. They may quit drinking, but they'll always be an asshole in the future without fail, I guarantee you. Clean doesn't mean everything.. Just as the last posting I answered, which was exactly like this one, I don't care if you're offended in any way by my answer, because I have no respect for drunken abusers, because they attack girls and children, mostly. And the people who choose to remain by their side, endangering their children in the process, are no better, until they actually try to leave the abusive alcoholic. Half of the domestic disputes and violence out there today is attributed to alcohol. There are always ways out, and to move out, so use them before it's too late, and someone gets really hurt later on.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 February 2010):
 We can't help you call the police. You have to do it. His behavior will be worse when the baby comes out. Contact your guardian angels. They will tell you when's the right time to call.
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