A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing a man for about 2 months. Great Guy. I am 39 and he is 43. Good dad, hard worker. He has two children, I have 3. I am writing to ask if he is just frugal or if you think he is really cheap. Went to a concert with him. He paid for tickets, but had to go to "ATM" to get money for drinks, food. Guilted me into paying for that. I did. Asked me to come to beach to meet mom and daughters. Was delighted. Asked him what he wanted me to bring for everyone. He said a case of beer. For who? His young daughters? I was only staying one night. Complains about money alot. Times are tough, I know, but..... please let me know.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2008): Well, I would not tolerate what you have, but that is coming from a somewhat different perspective I guess. He really sounds cheap, like a former boyfriend of mine (emphasis on the word former).
I think that to an extent you have brought this upon yourself. If you enjoy this individual for his humanity continue on with the relationship but really if this is what you're getting at 4 months you might want to reconsider this relationship.
Personally, I have been with very frugal people in the past and held nothing against them for it (well, maybe a little) but finally I met someone who enjoys paying for dinners out, trips abroad, etc. in exchange of him seeing my happiness. And I am very happy in this relationship. I don't think I would consider dating a poor person ever again, lol and I don't care how shallow that sounds; definitely not the person you sketched out in your vignette, who is reminiscent of previous experiences.
I would add, probably much to your chagrin, that someone who responds that way (unless he is being sarcastic) is very selfish, probably a socially functional alcoholic, and crass- not qualities I would seek in a partner.
A
male
reader, Bryanz +, writes (10 July 2008):
Im really sorry to say this. But you have to move on, don't let him guilt you into buying him stuff. A real gentleman is when they help you get through things. He's not a real guy.
2months of a relationship is really nothing. Im 13 years old &
i've been dating for 9 months coming up on the 17th. Not trying to make you feel bad or anything. But i'd never be able to live with a female in your case a male that wouldn't help you. & help get through stuff. BUT I don't expect the person to buy me anything. But him guilting you into buying beverages for him isen't right.
Message/add me as a friend if you liked my advice.
P.S. help me answer my questions to. =)) thanks
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A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (10 July 2008):
 He may be wary of spending too much on you and mentioning money to see if you are only interested in his. Or maybe he is just short of cash and wants yours!!! Really hard to say, as its only been two months give him a chance.
Have to say though I dated a guy a bit like this and if I wanted to go out on a sat night he frequently said he was skint and I would pay as I only got to go out once a fortnight when the kids went to their dads. When he didnt buy me a birthday pressie with the excuse 'I went to Ann Summers for some love balls but theyd sold out' (WHAT!!!!) I realised he was taking me for a ride. I met the man who is now my husband a week later when I went out with the girls to make up for my crap birthday so I got the last laugh!!!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 July 2008):
 Okay, I don't get the case of beer either. But maybe you could try to take this tack with him: you each pay for your share of whatever entertainment you'll be sharing. Dinner, you split. Concert tickets, you split. And so on. It could be just a rough patch, or he is just being frugal or he is honestly a cheapskate. Give him some time, continue dating him as you say he's a great guy, good dad, hard worker. Men like that might be hard to find. If he continues to complain, and you find you can't deal with it, then, maybe you can reconsider dating him. But give it a little adjustment time, and don't make him feel that he has to pay for you all the time.
Oh, and next time, don't ask him what you should bring. Just tell him that you'll bring some food or whatever it is you'd like to carry along with you. If he complains about that, welllll.... you might be worrying for good reason.
But again, it's early days still, give it some time and just wait and see how things develop.
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A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (10 July 2008):
 Hard for us to decide that.
I do believe that he likes to be on the safe side of things when it's about money.
When it's about money, more is better than less ... and now is better than later.
I don't think he's a bad man for doing so though, but financial security is Industrial age thinking, we're now in the information age ... so pensions will pretty much be history in the next 10 years. Why? Because we live in a dynamic world now, constantly changing ... it's almost impossible to go work at one place and stay there for the rest of your life.
My opinion.
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A
female
reader, bebe girlie  +, writes (10 July 2008):
Hi.. this sucks... these are indications that he is greedy..and if you cant coop with that then dump him because its really hard to change people like that...My dad is greedy..he wants to get everything cheap and tries the best ways to get the lowest price although he is loaded. he really made us suffer.. so im telling you its hard...i hate it
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): He's either short of cash or a tightwad.
Expecting you to bring a case of beer? Bloody hell, if I said that I'd get beheaded!
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