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female
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*lease-Help20
writes: Hello,Should I be concerned? I am newly turned 20 years old, my boyfriend is twenty six. We have been dating for almost two years. He has no problem with me having a social life, and having friends. But the part that concerns me is this: He says that whatever I want to do during the day is fine, go wherever you want, but that the night is dangerous, i'm young and it's a bad idea for me to be out at night. If I were a few years older, says he, maybe it wouldn't be such a concern to him but the fact that i'm an "innocent" makes him think something bad is going to happen to me in the wee hours of the night. (Example, raped, killed, etc.) I know he would be upset if I just didn't listen. Now, I actually don't care too much for the night life, I get tired pretty early anyways and prefer to stay in mostly. However, it's the principle of the thing. Are his concerns valid, or is he being controlling? I don't know what to think. I know he grew up in area that wasn't safe, and he can be wary of people and their motives, people he doesn't know primarily. However, the area we live in now is not dangerous. Please, I'd like some input. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (16 April 2006):
 Eddie has a point, but you need to regain some controle of the situation, you can tell him you are going out with some girlfriends and ask him to pick you up at an agreed time and place, this will make him feel better as he will know you are safe.
It maybe that he just loves you so much that he is trying to protect you from the big bad world or it maybe that he is trying to keep you on a tight rein.
No one can dictate to you what you do or do not do, so test him by arranging a girlie night out and let him collect you, if he gets annoyed then tell him you are going anyway and will not need a lift home as you now plan to sleep at a mates house for the night.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (16 April 2006):
 It sounds like he is trying to control you. He assumes you are not really going to go anywhere in the day that would encourage meeting other men. He's wrong about that. You might not be in bars but you can meet men anywhere, any time. You can also get raped or killed at any hour. What do you think his next rule will be? You have to set the boubdaries up early in a relationship.
If I were you, I'd go out a few times at night. Saty out a little later than usual and see how he reacts. If he asks you toomany questions, gets angry etc., it could possibly be a contol or jelousy issue.
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