A
female
age
36-40,
*UNKPRINCESSGT
writes:Hi. Some background 1st, I guess would be helpful. I'm 25, my BF is 41 and his "soon to be" ex wife is 35ish. (Not real sure) Anyway they were together 8yrs and have 2 younger kids together (6 and 10). We have been dating just over 6months now and I really love and care for him and have accepted that these children would be apart of my life. Which is fine, since I'm not convinced I want children of my own. So I thought the "ready made" family situation was ideal. For the first 3 months or so of our relationship they were still married and living together as such. But supposedly was on the outs (neither was happy) So they eventually seperated (supposedly) and she moved out taking the kids with her. But they were still with him during the day while she works and he gets them off to school and etc.. Well they were "seperated" for about 2months. Until now! Story goes she had a fallout with the friend she was living with. And now is back at his house with kids. He says theres nothing romantic going on and she is staying in a spare bedroom. We live about an hour or so from each other so we already have that stress. and he hid the fact that she was staying back there from me. Until I insisted I knew something was going on. Gut instinct. Because his patterns seemed to have reverted to the way were in the beginning of our relationship.Because of our distance we always webcam (usually late at nite) after his kids go to bed. Now he's like we can 'cam' during the day while shes at work. She supposedly knows about me and us. Which is why she "left" in the first place. He swears theres nothing for me to be concerned about and he loves and wants to be with me. But it just feels like we're going back to the "mistress" thing. But he wont make her leave or anything because he feels guilt and a sense of obligation because she did alot for his mother before she passed. She has a good job and makes good $$ so there's no real reason she can't find her own place to live.He also keeps telling me that if I would've moved in after she moved out 2months ago. We wouldn't be in this situation. (But because her and I would've met by then) she would still be staying with us!! any advice would be helpful. Thank you!
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at work, divorce, ex-wife, moved in, moved out, want children Reply to this Question
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female
reader, PUNKPRINCESSGT +, writes (24 June 2011):
PUNKPRINCESSGT is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey! thanks 4 the help everyone.... Yes, I have met the kids. & they are aware when he talks to me on the phone.
A
female
reader, hannah76  +, writes (24 June 2011):
 There are too many stories here from him. They tell you what you want to believe. Any person that was free from ties could web cam whenever and do whatever. It's not your fault about the living together, it is just his way of moving the problem onto you. I would move on here and just keep moving on. Hard i know because the stories, lies, half truths keep playing in your mind but really, they are all stories. If he was interested, he would have set something up with you together. He wouldn't have needed a friend's flat. The reason is, if he had really seperated from his wife, he would have been free to choose to make plans with you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): Just a question, howcome your boyfriend hasntmoved out of the marital home? That is the thing to do if he wants out. What kind of father would unsettle his kids by letting the mother of his children take them out of their home and everything they know. I'm sorry but I can't see your boyfriend doing this and for that reason I don't believe his wife ever moved out.
Trust me I have been in a simelar situation and fooled in just the same way ten times over- fortunatlly me and my ex lived only 5 minutes apart so I soon found out about it all....but I fear you will never find proof as your too naïve to his stories.
Please open your eyes and realise you are being played.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (24 June 2011):
 How convenient for him that he has his life so compartmentalized and that you're so willing to just believe whatever he says. Lets break this down:
You don't even know if she knows about you.
You don't know whether they're still together or not.
You webcam when everybody but him has gone to bed.
She's living with him even though she has $$$ not to have to.
He won't make her leave.
You don't know that she's staying in the spare room.
The distance means there's no risk of you "just popping round"
Have you even met his kids as his "girlfriend"? My bet is not... "too soon for the kids sake" being the likely excuse.
You sound like a smart girl... connect the dots.
Everything about this situation is based on what HE tells you. Newsflash. People lie. People manipulate. People cheat. I don't care how well you think you know him, anybody is capable of being fooled completely by someone when they trust what they say over what their actions are saying.
You're in a compartment and his wife is in a compartment.
Looks fishy, smells fishy, sounds fishy.... chances are: its a fish.
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A
male
reader, ManAfterChrist +, writes (24 June 2011):
 Sounds like a cheater..
Find yourself a man without complications. Very rarely will a story that starts bad end well. You have the choice to just walk away here... please do. You will find that the world is full of many very eligible men who don't already have a wife living in their house.
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