A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so the last thing I want is to be made to feel guilty, as I already do. All I want is some advice before I lose my mind...My wife and I have been married for 4 years and have been together for 7. We have a 2 yr old son who we both love to pieces. At first the relationship was great! We had our problems, sure, but we always worked through them. I went through a bout of loss of sexual desire for awhile due to the stress of my job, our finances, insomnia, etc. While it was tough I've done all I can to increase my sexual desire, which I have. The problem is I don't desire her anymore. It makes me feel like crap but it's true nonetheless. She was always on the heavy side, but that never used to matter. I actually get nauseous at the thought of sex with her, but I push through it to make her happy. I hate kissing her, I hate it when she touches me, I feel nothing but disgust and it is absolutely killing me. I love her though and that is the hardest part. Maybe its because she constantly gets mad at me for the littlest things. I'm not perfect but I try very hard to make her happy, even giving up friends and family relationships. Maybe that's why too, don't know, but it's not like those things are new. and she's been trying harder to be more compassionate towards me.I've been feeling this way for about a year now. I won't ever tell her this because I couldn't stand the thought of hurting her. Like I said, I love her, but I just don't want to have a physical relationship with her. Help...
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male
reader, Flashtony  +, writes (24 June 2011):
damn..... that's too bad man!..
look, if it were me... I've been there, I ended up getting divorced but I dd it Four years too late... after a string of extramarital liaisons... affairs etc... I'd say if you don't fancy her, find someone you do.. I have now and we've been together two years, the difference is incredible, I'm still friends with my ex and we still both love our kids and they're now cool with it. it was hard but it's better, she's also happier now with someone who fancies her.
Don't leave it too late an avoid the guilt associated with sleeping with other women.
A
male
reader, ManAfterChrist +, writes (24 June 2011):
 Wow... :(
To be honest, my answer is less of an answer, and more of just "support". I really hope things come out okay. But I'll give some hopefully helpful advice.
I think an important part of sexual attraction is being healthy yourself. You said that you had other stresses in your life.. deal with them. Don't let yourself become a victim to your job or finances. Start viewing things differently. It sounds like you just aren't happy right now. Things at work and at home just aren't perfect. Start using a different mentality. If your boss is causing stress at work, put yourself in your bosses position and see that your progress means his/her happiness which means your happiness. Use that to motivate you to do your best at all times, and be proud of what you do. If your housing bill is stressing you out, just remember how lucky you are to own a home, and a job that can pay for that home. Take pride in that and turn it into an accomplishment rather than a stress additive. If loss of sleep is adding to your stress, GET MORE SLEEP!! Sleep is vital to a happy and healthy life.
Once your viewpoint has changed, and you start acting happier, things will start to look "better". Things won't seem as stressful. The happier you become, the more happy you can be with your wife, and hopefully the sexual attraction will return because you will just be so happy and in love.
Good luck to you. My heart goes out to you... I will be praying for you. Seriously, this is gonna be a tough hump. But don't give up.
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