A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice. I have been in a relationship for about a year and half. I love being with him, he is amazing. Although he has met my 4 year old son a few times, I don't like to bring him around because I'm afraid that my son may get attached and, if we don't work out, I don't want it to affect my son. The thing is, although my guy knows that I have a child, he is constantly saying that he can't stand kids and that he never wants to have any. It makes me wonder if he realizes that if he chooses to stay with me, my son is a giant part of who I am and, eventually will end up being part of his too. I worry that he isn't thinking about that in terms of our relationship. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know that it doesn't make sense. He knew before he got involved with me that I had a child and he knows that my son will always be my first priority. I am 21 and he is 25 and I have made it very clear that my son already has a father. I am not looking for someone to be that for him. I am looking for someone for me, but that person has to realize that, if we re going to be together, it's kind of a package deal because my son is my world. I don't expect anyone to step in as father to him, but I do expect at least a friendship or an understanding. Is that wrong?
A
female
reader, PreciousNY +, writes (12 May 2008):
His comments really don't make sense to me being that he knows you have a son. I don't see how his comments are true because he is with you. But whatever happens your son comes first!! The right guy for you will accept your son and love him too. And I also agree that next time he brings this up.....talk deeper into the subject.
...............................
A
female
reader, Dreaming  +, writes (12 May 2008):
You are your son's mother. His needs come first. You cannot stop being his mom. So, any potential BF material has to be ok with that. You already have a child. Someone who tells you they do not like kids, should be an automatic run sign for you! You have been going with this guy for 1 1/2 years, and if you still cannot have your son more involved, not likely going to happen at this point.
...............................
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (12 May 2008):
 Hi,
why dont you point out this fact the next time he brings this up?
It doesnt look good though. But having said that, at age 18-21 if your boyfriend is around the same age it is natural to not want to get involved in playing happy families. This does not solve the problem, but merely perhaps explains his words - i.e. he wants to make sure you understand he does not see himself as a replacement father figure to your boy.
Maybe go out with someone a bit older and who understands that your child is part of your life in future.
good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, pashanoodle +, writes (12 May 2008):
 Girl - this sounds simple to me....there is really only one boy for you in this situation - and that is your son. There is NO WAY you are going to get what you desire in your current relationship given what you have described.
You and your son deserve more. Say goodbye.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (12 May 2008):
 If he is into you , I am sure he has taken that equation into considerations.
Look not at his words but by his actions.
Words sometimes do not reflect the truth.
He maybe bias but people can change .
He may change to like kids when he finds your kid is cute.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2008): no i think he doesn't like kids but if he doesn't why hes wid you ? when he knows you have a child .. don't worry if he really loves you he get it out of the way and releazies he has to love your child cuz hes a part from you.
...............................
|
