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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and porn. Ever since my boyfriend got a new job we've had less time for sex. Whenever we see each other we have a lot of sex. I'm not a prude, so with me anything goes (except threesomes). I let him do whatever he wants. I sometimes dress sexily, etc., and I try to keep my privates looking good. I've also been exercising, I'm not overweight, but there's some pudge I want to get rid of.The thing is today he told me he'd been watching porn. He knows porn makes me feel insecure (because once I asked him if he thought porn stars were hotter than me and he said "of course, that's their job" - I know, my bad!). He said it was my fault because I don't satisfy him enough. WHAT!?!? We don't have much time, true, but that's NOT my fault, and it's not his either. I'm just incredibly hurt that he's so ungrateful... I let him do ANYTHING he wants... sometimes when I'm not even in the mood. I keep myself looking good, at least I try. Sometimes I even give him blow jobs without even asking him to return the favor. Yet he feels I don't make an effort? That's so ungrateful of him. I would understand if I always refused to have sex or if I was a prude or complained, but I don't. I'm always up for it. And now I also feel so unattractive because of what he said that those women are obviously hotter... I have small boobs and cellulite, and some extra fat I want to get rid of. Now I feel so demotivated because I will never look like those women, so what's the point in showing him my body? He may like it, but that's it, just because he can't get a hotter woman. Plus I don't include other men in my sex life, I know those women are only on screen but they're REAL. He gets turned on by them, and yeah, I feel cheated on, sorry if some of you disagree but that's how I feel. So not only I feel hurt that he's so ungrateful that I give him everything sexually, I also feel damn ugly, and like I'm not enough. Like nothing I do will ever be enough. Because he likes his plastic bimbos better...
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blow-job, boobs, in the mood, insecure, overweight, porn, sex life, threesome Reply to this Question
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female
reader, hellokittylover  +, writes (7 January 2017):
im so sorry this happened to you.. I'm going through the same thing
A
female
reader, Purple Pillow Power  +, writes (18 July 2011):
 Well 1) there made to be hot,sex and revealing. 2) Theres probaly photo-shopping going on anyway so its a fake. Tell him hes being an ungrateful b*****d and that if he doesnt like he can go chase after the fantastic cartoon porn-star. :]
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2011): Hi. What is it that you love about him? He is just a creepy guy fixated on porn and not worth the emotional damage he is inflicting on you. Why do you want to be around someone like that? You need to learn to respect yourself and seek more from life than this character can offer you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2011): This guy is a pig. He will never be happy with anyone. Let him be miserable by himself. first he watches porn, this is not something you want to be involved with. If a man watches porn it is a sign he isn't capable of having a healthy sexual relationship. It does damage to you and him. He isn't intelligent enough to know. His statement says that. you would be that hot too if you were a porn star. he actually thinks these women look that good in real life. they are female and human, trust me, they have cellulite and stretchmarks and fatty places they don't like. but camera's, positioning, etc, make that all just poof disappear. Then he says it is your fault that he thinks other women are hotter. No that just means he isn't the right guy for you. if he loved you, he wouldn't think that, much less say such a hurtful thing. tell him that the guy in the porn is much hotter and "bigger" than him, lets see his male ego shrink to zero. I'm sorry but you are dating an idiot. let him continue to drool over something that doesn't exist and be miserable, while you go and find a man who is intelligent enough to know what is true and real. but first don't forget to point out what you think about the guys in the porn video.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 July 2011):
 dump him.
since you already told us that telling you what you already know is worthless since you know it's your issues... my advice (not that you asked for ANY) is to dump him.
Boyfriends are supposed to make us feel loved and cherished. Does yours? Did he ever?
he told you porn starts are hotter BECAUSE YOU ASKED... and he told you "it's their JOB"....
you say you do ANYTHING he wants sexually... are these things you are doing that you want to do also? (for example are you letting him have anal sex but you don't like it?)... if so this is your own fault for letting yourself be used by him to keep him happy... why is it your job to deny yourself to please him? why isn't it his job to do the same?
you are so shallow as to judge YOURSELF unattractive based on porn stars? what if your little sister or best friend felt this way and came to you what would you tell them?
you said you give him blow jobs and don't expect any oral in return... is that why you give him blow jobs? just to get oral back? stop giving them then... I give blow jobs and get no oral back but I give blow jobs because I want to not because I expect something back for them.
I have a 38 yr old boyfriend that loves porn and tiny hot sexy YOUNG Asian women as his TYPE. he also likes light colored eyes...
I am 51 not young
I am NOT Asian
I do not have long dark straight hair
I do not have light eyes
My boyfriend loves me... and thinks I am beautiful... I have asked him... "if I'm not your type I can't please you can I?" and he pointed out to me that his "type" is a fantasy... that I am the real thing and that I am beautiful to him (BTW I was NOT attractive to him before he fell in love with me... at that time I was just FWB and it did not matter)
my boyfriend the perfectionist find faults in my appearance or behavior daily.... and yet I feel loved and cherished and beautiful.
Right now I am recovering from MAJOR surgery... he has uprooted his life and has cared for me in a gentle and loving way for the last 3 weeks.. no sex at all...barely able to touch each other at all due to the type of surgery I had...
do you think your guy would do this.. how would you feel about this... my man has seen me now... unbathed, hair unwashed... needing help in the bathroom... and he still thinks I am the most beautiful thing in the world...
my point: LOVE is unconditional. LOVE is not sex... our partners love all of us and because of that they do not see every bump and lump as bad but as endearing...
YOU need to love yourself and silently and emotionally demand the respect you deserve... ONCE you love yourself then you will be worthy of a man who loves YOU for ALL OF YOU.
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A
female
reader, smiliek  +, writes (14 July 2011):
 i laugh at the male anon who said of course men find porn stars better then real women. Speak for yourself buddy. Not every guy is lying when he says he doesnt find them hot. Now op, your bf is a bit of an arse really. You sound like you do alot for him, what does he do for you? Doesnt sound like much.. Why are you with him? While i have no issue with my hubby looking at porn sometimes if he ever said anything like that to me there'd be big words had. We had talked about porn and women when we were just friends and a bit drunk and even back then he admitted they are too fake to be attractive and he doesnt find 'sluts' to be hot. That goes for porn and real life. Since we got together there were a few issues with porn as he then tried to lie that he didnt do it but once he realised i wasn't a control freak over it he admitted to using it once every few wks and then we had a good honest talk about it. He looked horrified when i asked if he'd rather i look like them and even now (3yrs later) barely uses it and is not at all attracted to the girls. Some guys really just watch the action and couldnt tell you what the girl looked like at all. Same as when i watch porn. I'm not watching for the mens penis. Your bf has no respect for you and sounds like he takes you for granted. I'd either dump him, or if you still wanna give it a shot then stop with the sexual favours. Tell him that if porn is better he can have that. Buy yourself a dildo bigger then him and tell him it satisfies you better. See if he likes that.
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A
female
reader, svf +, writes (14 July 2011):
 What you have written makes me so angry on your behalf - my blood is boiling!!!!! Geez... if ever there was a time to support cheating .... grrrrrr...
Seriously, please, if you can find the strength in your self to move on, please find someone else - BEFORE your self-esteem severely plummets to minus 100. You poor thing, I completely feel for you on this one. xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2011): Sooooooo.......you want to be lied to? Of course porn stars are probably better looking than you....that is why they were hired and why they continue to get paid for....to look extremely hot to satisfy the masses of men whom buy the videos that they star in. It's about business.But again....as the above 'aunts' have indicated.....they feel he was disrespectful by telling the truth to you. Typical of women everywhere.
I applaud you for keeping yourself attractive looking by doing the things you spoke about, trimming your private areas, buying nice clothes and keeping yourself very nice looking, but don't expect every guy to lie to you. If you have doubts...then don't ask the questions that you may not like the answer to.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2011): He doesn't appreciate what you give him because you give it too easily. Ditch him or start making him earn everything he gets from you. Don't be so accomodating, to him or any man. Only do what you actually enjoy.
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A
female
reader, Nime +, writes (14 July 2011):
 Why don't you just find a new guy? Why are you putting up with this? I sure wouldn't, it's a no-brainer. My guy doesn't act like this at all; he worships my body. I have never even seen him glance at another girl walking by and we've been together 3 years. There are plenty of great guys like mine out there; why are you still with this one? Are you afraid to leave because you're too comfortable? I think your problem here is that you've identified a serious flaw in your relationship (your boyfriend's utter lack of respect for you) and you aren't doing anything about it. Do you someday want to be one of those older women who constantly complains to coworkers and customers on the job about her loser boyfriend/husband? Get out while you still can and show yourself some respect! You're too young to put up with this.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (14 July 2011):
 Your boyfriend is ungrateful and selfish. There was no need for him to say that, as much as you do for him. Does he realize that porn stars are full of fake boobs and privates that have been surgically worked on to look perfect? I would cut off the sexual favors because you are doing enough to keep any man satisfied and if he can't be grateful for your beauty and selflessness then you should leave him. Porn stars may be beautiful but they have no self respect for themselves so don't feel jealous or insecure because that's something you have and you can find someone a lot better.
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