A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I met this girl last summer on a cruise, she is from Tennessee and I am from Pennsylvania, we talked for a while afterwords but we both eventually got in relationships with other people, until about this past May when by coincidence we both broke-up with our bf and gf's. So we started talking everyday and eventually I decided to go visit her in TN. Once there we decided to do the whole long distance relationship thing.It was going good for about a month, like talking to each other all-day, everyday, but then randomly ended it. She says she loves me (and i love her) but she can't handle it. So we have been talking the same amount for the past week even though we are not "together". I feel like there is someone else because the chemistry and love is still there but she just wants someone close, right before she dumped me she told of this guy who tried kissing her and she told him no because of her relationship. Perhaps she wants to be with him and is lying? i need help!!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 July 2011):
 LDRs are hard. I'm doing one right now... we are only 2 hours apart by car and right now I am recovering from surgery so we are together 24/7 (and loving it).... but normally we can see each other only on weekends... it stinks and we hope that by the beginning of next year we will be together full time in my state... he is moving to me.
There are several things that are needed to make LDRs work
communication (phone, text, email etc) but it has to be open and honest and plentiful... even if it's "hon I'm having a bad day I need some time I'll call you tomorrow"... it sucks to be the one on the receiving end of that call because you want to fix your partner and you can't...
TRUST: you can't have them in your face 24/7 or texting all that time so you have to know that they are trustworthy and that if they don't call you it's not that they are leaving you it's that they are busy, or the phone needs to be charged or they got tied up at work or something... or that on a Thursday night when you are not there and they go out with their friends that it's JUST that... if you think over and over that your partner is out cheating on you it just will not work..
HONESTY: you have to be honest about your feelings for the person and the relationship even if it hurts...
TIME TOGETHER... NO LDR is a true relationship unless you and your partner get to spend time together on a regular basis... once a month, once every 3 months... every weekend.. I Personally could not do this if we could not see each other regularly and I would not consider it a relationship if we did not spend time together... it would just be a friendship...
and finally WHEN do you plan to end the distance.
The MINUTE we got serious (about 3 months into our FWB arrangement) we started planning when we would close the gap. Now at 9 months out we plan to be together full time in early 2012 at the latest.
You have to be a very strong person to do an LDR successfully perhaps she knows it's not something she can handle?
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 July 2011):
 It is hard to tell why she ended it, but I do understand her point of view, it is very hard to have a LDR. You sometimes just need that closeness and intimacy in relationships and it is really hard when that person is not there when you need someone. I feel the relationship between the both of you would never have worked out, unless one of you had planned to move soon so that you would be close to the other. Did you ever talk about moving closer to each other. I guess that would be your only option if you where wanting it to work out.
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