A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:MODS NOTE: OP's own title.I am 20 years old. I have always been committed to abstaining from sex til marriage - not "everything but", I mean really abstaining from sexual activity. The furthest I went with my first boyfriend was us both taking off our shirts, and even that felt like it was a little too far. So I started dating another guy this year and it got really serious really quickly - he was very much in love with me and was talking about marriage pretty soon after we started. I was always very verbal about my boundaries, but I often gave in too easily. He was a virgin too, and so I felt safe allowing him to spend the night, which he did almost every night. We would make out and we started taking off our shirts and he began dry-humping me to orgasm on a fairly regular basis. Then, a week after my 20th birthday, I was sick from too much alcohol and he was taking care of me. As I was laying in bed trying to feel less nauseous, he helped me undress. But then he started touching me, even though I told him I felt too sick for that. The next thing I knew he was naked and pressing himself into me. I told him to stop and tried to push him away but he just pressed on until he'd broken my hymen. I was yelling from the pain but he didn't stop, and the next day he convinced me to let him have sex with me again. It happened a couple more times over the next month. At first I didn't think it was rape, but now that I'm describing it it seems so obvious. I truly believes that he loves me, but he can't seem to control his lust. What should I do?
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female
reader, Queenkaffy  +, writes (8 September 2013):
 Yes, he did rape u
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): Report him to the police - he is a disgusting disgrace for a man. Rape is difficult for all women to cope with but to lose your virginity to it, is another thing entirely.
You have to realise that rape is sex without consent; rape still applies regardless if you are strangers, friends, in a relationship or married (although some countries, men have immunity from rape claims when married, I think over the years most countries pulled it)
I dont know how you could ever love someone who done this to you.. you saw it with your own eyes and felt it... one day he decided to get you EXTREMELY drunk (I assume from the sickness bit) just to TAKE ADVANTAGE and penetrate you... without your CONSENT... you even said NO to him but he continued... he is a MONSTER and needs to be put in JAIL.
Not only RAPE but he STOLE your VIRGINITY. You did well to keep your virginity that far. What DEEPLY CONCERNS me though was how its about you must remain in a relationship to him because you think HE LOVES YOU (as opposed to how you feel). I can see the control already - if you get married he will beat you black and blue. Your choice darling, but if you do marry him, dont have children for their sake.
A guy talking marriage early on is a no-no - it doesnt happen - a guy might think that and keeps it to himself, he might hint generally time to time about marriage ambitions etc. ("You ever thought of marriage?", "I am curious what you would look like in a wedding dress"). It was 2 years before I was talking about marriage with my gf but we arent engaged... long engagements can be a bad thing.
For the record I am 25 and a virgin... sexual inexperience (even if he was a virgin which I doubt) isn't an excuse between having permission for sex or not.
Maybe this is something you do not understand. We develop early on some mild basics on right and wrong. how we cannot get stuff from the shop unless we pay etc. (and that example has nothing to do with topic of "SEX") Everyone knows what the definition of rape is by the time they reach 13. I sincerely doubt my first time would be any good (other than special as my gf is also virgin and soul mates) but I know that when I do get horny (trust me, virgin guys get horny too... very much so) that isn't a license to rape. First, its self-control if not, masturbation. It is also a duty for a guy to look after their gf.... which means not taking advantage ever.
I remember once when my gf came back (true story) after drinking too much with her friends, I had to look after her.. she tried to come on to me, but as far as I went was kissing her good night before tucking her in. Since that day 3 years ago, she developed self-control of knowing her limit of alcohol. She realised it was unfair for ehr to get that way and for me to deal with the sick etc. Why didn't I go for it? Simple, only I would have remembered it... and that wouldnt have been special. Plus the next day if her hymen was gone she would have probably freaked out. I guess it would be a turn on for her thinking that we did it last night... however, slightly empty not to remember it.
Please do the right thing.
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A
female
reader, Alittlebroken  +, writes (26 August 2010):
 Please get rid of this guy. Your virginity was so important to you and he knew that you were saving it for marriage. He took advantage when you were vulnerable, when you had been drinking, because he knew you would be helpless. This guy is disgusting- and yes you allowed him to have sex with you afterwards, but it was still rape. Please report him or he could do it to other girls- would you want that to happen to anyone else? He took something special from you, please don't let him get away with it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2010): If you hold up a bank teller at gunpoint and demand money then you robbed the bank.
If you walk into the same bank two weeks later, unarmed, and make a withdrawal from your bank account, the legal system does not charge you with robbing the bank a second time.
I am sorry the OP in this thread was initially raped, but we have to draw the line somewhere. Some of those later times she consensually had sex with him.
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A
female
reader, kokeshi +, writes (23 August 2010):
 I feel so sad for you. Please don’t be fooled in to thinking he was a virgin.
He took something that you wanted to save for marriage. Would you really want to be married to this heartless guy?
tell the police it may stop him from doing it to someone else.
Never see him again and get some counselling so it doesn’t affect your future healthier relationships
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): Well I guess the rape did its job.
He wanted something. You didn't want to give it. So he took it forcibly. You responded by not holding him accountable for the wrong he committed and you starting to give it to him willingly after that.
The bottom line is that raping you worked for him. It got him exactly the result he wanted.
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A
female
reader, honeychild23 +, writes (23 August 2010):
honey u should of reported him the day after it happened. now its too late to prove ur case if u were to ever press charges. u shouldnt of continued having sex wit him. n by the way, he wasnt a virgin. hes probably done that a couple times before u. all i can say is that u need to dump him as quick as possible.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): Yes he raped you BUT you allowed him too and carried on having sex with him. This will not hold up in court so just move on and really, do not let men sleep in bed with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo clarify, there were multiple rapes in addition to the times I gave in.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (23 August 2010):
 Guy raped you, and then you continued to have sex with him. It will be hard to prove that you did not consent at first, because now your having sex with him.
If I was you I would dump this rapist, who doesn't mind using force, doesn't care about what you want, and doesn't value your opinions.. I bet he didn't even use a condom that first time. But it's your choice, it's your life.
Your having sex with him and he's still your boyfriend, so that must mean you like the way he treats you. He has no need to control his lust, he knows you'll have sex with him without the marriage stuff. People treat you the way you allow them too.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): That first time he raped you. After that first time it was your choice to have sex with him again.
He still raped you. Do you want to tolerate that even once?
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