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female
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*onfusedone
writes: i met my boyfriend last year on a dating site.he seemed great realy outgoing and fun,before i met him i wrote some to other guys and sent a 2 of them naked pics of myself but felt bad about it so didnt want to do it again.my boyfriend then asked me for naked pics but i told him i didnt do that sort of thing as i didnt like it.he then went into my email account and found the letters to the other men and went mad,saying i had broken his heart by lying to him.i appologised and tried to explain that it was just because i liked him and didnt want him to think badly of me.so he agreed to stay with me ,that was 10 months ago and whenever we argue he brings those pics up.he is possesive and jealous and doesnt like other men talking to me.he says this is my own fault because i am always acting supicious and dont tell him what im doing but i dont go anywere or do anything.i have a 14 year old daughter and have moved in with my bf i also intend to move my daughter in when i can sort out a school for her(he lives 200 miles away from me)so at the moment i spend a week with him and a week with her.but he even seems jealous of the time i spend with my daughter ,he expects me to come online for 4 or 5 hours and talk to him,which i do while she is at school then i spend time with her.but he says this isnt enough he says im selfish because he has to just wait around until i come online to talk to him.im literaly running myself ragged to please him ,but anything i do is never enough ,he always seems to manage to make me feel bad about myself telling me im thoughtless and selfish ,but then says he loves me more than anything and that im beautiful .im so confused. i feel like im the worst person in the world.my daughter doesnt want to move to london away from her friends and she and my boyfriend dont realy get on she is a stroppy teenager and he is very domineering and has to be in control of things. he says shes causing us to split up by being awkward about moving, but doesnt see that its a big thing for her to do. it would also disrupt her exams, but he argues that she'd be better off in london as the schools are much better.lately he has realy frightened me a couple of times as well by realy shouting at me and pushing me round. he even said once, that he felt like killing me. telling me he could if he wanted to,and describing in detail what he'd do (he used to be in the army) but i don't know if it's his or my fault. i feel like im causing him to behave this way by not loving him enough. i tried to leave him a few times but he says things like he will lose his home because of me and he won't be able to fight for custody of his children because the judge will want to know why i have left him. then i feel such a terrible person.he has also said he was going to kill himself (he has attempted suicide twice before). the thought of causing another person to lose there life is more than i can bear.i realy dont know what to do anymore. i do love him he can be very caring and kind but its like a rollercoaster ride sometimes he's great sometimes he just changes and he really gets nasty when he's angry which scares me. i realy dont know what to do anymore sometimes i just want to go home and get a place on my own with my daughter, sometimes i want us to try and make a go of it as a family. but in my heart i dont think he and my daughter would get on at all. i think he'd end up shouting at her the way he has at me and we would end up splitting up.is he right is it all my fault for being so unsure of him?
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her ex, jealous, moved in, nude pictures, split up Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): I understand my boyfriend is just about the same way but he says it's my fault. Why I have to go to work with a black eye, he's jealous, doesn't want me to go anywhere and always accuses me of some man. Sometimes I have to question why am I going through this but the ansswer is that I love him and I want to be with him marry him, have his baby and live happily ever after.
A
male
reader, Prada +, writes (7 December 2006):
Okay lets put it this way i couldnt even read the rest of that.There is no reason for you to move in with him if he says that he is going to kill you that is just not right not even to joke about and imagine how you woud feel if he said that to your daughter.Right now your daughter should be the most important person in your life and if he can except that you have someone else in your life as well there is really no reason to be with him.You deserve so much better than him and would not want to move my daughter into that type of situation,its just not safe or healthy.Please leave him.
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A
female
reader, confusedone +, writes (6 December 2006):
confusedone is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you miss calder it has been helpful to see it from the perspective of the child in a relationship,although he has never actual harmed me physically .i see that even the shouting would be disturbing for my daughter to witness.i think i was hoping that if she was with us he wouldnt do it anymore as we would be a family he says he wants to look after my daughter as if she were his own,but i think im kidding myself that his temper will magicaly subside .
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (6 December 2006):
 Run from this guy. Keep your daughter away too!! IF you can already see the cracks in his cover, trust your instinct. You have reason to be unsure of him. He's already broken into your email, yells and accuses you of things, judges you for previoous mistakes you made and doesn't seem to get on well with your daughter. Run..
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A
female
reader, xMiiSS-CALDERx  +, writes (6 December 2006):
 Your not seriously considering bringing your daughter to stay with i man you yourself dont feel intirely comfortable around!. Your daughter is a "stroppy teenager" and if she does move in with you and your boyfriend most likey the two of them will just fall out and the relationship you have with your daughter will more than likely be affected by this. I was brouhg up in a house were when my mums boyfrined would be drinking at nights my little sister would want to slepp in my room scared incase the screaming and shouting of verbal abuse to my mum would get to much for her it affected her life and i dont want it to affect your own daughters he sounds like a very confussed man he wants you but at times he doesn't him shouting and threating you is not you fault never blame yourself and what if one day his threats turn into actions and your daughter will only see you going back to him. Not really setting an example for your daughter how will you be able to look her in the face if she follows in your foot steps and is abused by her boyfriend when she's older. You may love his man but now i feel you should just be strong and leave him it is the best for you and your daughter, no one should be treated that way and you shouldnt let your daughter be their to witness it eitherTake Care .x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2006): I'm sorry but he sounds like someone with issues.
This is my opinion. He's poisoning your mind, he's saying things like commiting suicid, blaming you for everything so that it's your fault when it is HIS fault for abusing you and he is trying to control you.
If he is acting suicidal when you try and break up with him, tell someone like the police or a counsellor/psychiatrist etc. but it's NOT your fault if he is attempting suicide
And most importantly, you need to put your daughter's needs ahead of his. If things go wrong and you break up with him, you can still get another boyfriend but your not going to have another daughter. Well for the time being. Also how would you feel if he started abusing your daughter?
So overall in my opinion you need to get out this relationship as it is not healthy on you and your daughter's as well as your relationship with her.
hope this helps.
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