A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How can I avoid feeling so bothered and upset when my boyfriend drinks? I don't have a problem with drinking. I do have a problem when the girls at these parties take off their clothes or he starts doing something stupid. I'm not a party person, and I'm not a drinker. So when there is a party thrown by his sister I stay until 11:30 or midnight before I go home. As soon as I leave it always seems to get worse. He'll text me at odd hours of the night telling me about how this girl took off her shirt or how so and so puked. I don't know how to stop feeling like garbage every time this happens. Others stories or advice would be awesome. Thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): To be perfectly honest, my first reaction to your post in my mind was: break up with him, because you are incompatible on a fundamental level. He's a partier and you are not. This pretty much says it. He's content to go and party whether or not you come or stay home, and whether or not you hate it. See what I'm saying? How is this fair to you???? There are a bajillion other fish in the sea that you would actually share interests with, and do stuff together that you both enjoy!!! And I'm pretty such if you got together with another guy that DOESNT party, you'd also share more of the same values! I'm not a party girl either. You don't have to, don't need to, shouldn't have to, and simply SHOULD NOT put up with this. That's my take on it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): Why must there always be some slutty whore taking her clothes off at every party? Oh well.
I think you guys need to have a heart to heart about how this makes you feel. No drama, no threats or ultimatums, just let him know that it hurts you and you'd appreciate it if he cut back on the alcohol some and if he'd make it a point not to participate when the sluts start trolling.
The fact that he texts you and lets you "in" on what's going on sounds like a positive sign that he's thinking of you and wants you to be a part of his life.
Question: Does he try to get you to stay longer--or does he seem glad to kiss you good-bye and run back to the party?
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A
female
reader, ailemaaax  +, writes (12 September 2010):
It's natural for you to feel like crap after hearing that kind of thing from your boyfriend -- the person who is supposed to be devoted to you and only YOUR body is watching other girls strip. I have been (and still sort of am) in a similar situation. I am more of a homebody, I like to stay at home and snuggle up in front of a dvd with my boyfriend, while he's keen on clubbing and partying. Often, to spare myself of the despair of hearing rumors of who did what to whom at parties, I either go with him, even though I'm not that into it, or just try not to get jealous and remind myself that regardless of what happens at these parties, it's me he comes back to at the end of the day.If you trust your boyfriend, and don't want to accompany him to these parties, then just putting up with it may be the only way to deal with it (as long as, like tennisstar88 mentioned, he is not TOUCHING any of this exposed anatomy). Maybe you could tell him that you don't really like hearing about so-and-so's boobs out while she danced on the table, and ask him not to tell you about it. You could try talking to him, but depending on how long you have been together and how strong your relationship is, asking him not to party or drink so much may put a strain on you both, as he will feel as if you are trying to change him or not let him have a good time.I KNOW the feeling of feeling jealous and annoyed when you hear about the stuff he gets up to when you're not around. I would suggest that you find a guy who IS on the same page as you, but you probably know just as well as me that you can't just magically stop liking someone just because you don't like some of the things they do. If you could pick and choose when and who to like, love would be much easier! Hang in there, chick!
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A
female
reader, Legioness  +, writes (12 September 2010):
 I know how you feel kind of, my fiance doesn't party as such, but at the weekends he'll happily spend the whole of it drinking, even when he's just sat at home which is 90% of the time. I also have a reason to be concerned- my parents are alcoholics, my nan died of liver failure in her early 30's due to drink.. I don't want my man turning out like that! I've expressed my concern to him and it didn't work, so now I just guilt trip him whenever he excessively drinks and flick ash in his beer when he's not looking! Maybe he'll learn one day, but until then i'll keep doing it! Lol.. I know my stories not much help but my point is, it's not at all easy trying to tame someones drinking, it's like changing someones laugh because it annoys you, drinking seems to be an actual trait of a lot of people, it's a part of them, it's not easy, but I wish you the best of luck!
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (12 September 2010):
 Well, he's at that age of partying and drinking. He won't, hopefully he does, grow out of it till 23-25. The thing is you can't tell him what he can and can't do. But I would be pretty ticked he's watching these girls get naked at these parties. Technically, he doesn't have to watch those girls strip he could go in another room but he's a guy of course he's going to gawk. As long as he isn't touching the exposed female anatomy. You could attend these parties with him, but who wants to babysit their boyfriend plus take care of him because he can't handle his alcohol. Also you could try to talk to him about his behavior, maybe he could drink in moderation, having a hangover everyday isn't exactly fun, and you really don't care to hear about how girls are stripping at this party. I believe the talk will have no effect..excessive drinking can put a strain on a relationship and it never really gets solved till they grow out of that phase. So you can either choose to deal with it and think at least he's not cheating on me, or grabbing boobs. Or break-up with him because you're tired of these antics, then find a guy who is on the same page as you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): I talked to this guy for a few months and he is a hardcore drinker literally everyday of the week he would be drinking beers. I eventually ended it because I knew that I was not going to be into it, but I do remember when I did talk to him how rough it was wondering what happens when hes drunk and around all these girls. If you think of it this way, at least he is taking time to text you at the part if he is continuously texting you then your fine, but if he is just randomly replying and not keeping it consecutive you have a major reason to be pissed. Your his girlfriend make him think if he was in your position, but try not to nag him about it in the end he'll do what he wants to do you just have to be able to lay it out straight with him. If he cares enough about you to show that it bothers you he'll make an effort to change. GOOD LUCK:)
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