A
female
age
41-50,
*irenapr
writes:I've been dating my boyfriend for two years. We occassionally have problems because he pokes fun at me and 'jokes' in very cruel ways. Two days ago he was making fun of me because of how 'ugly I look when having an orgasm.' This was the fourth time he 'jokes' like that and now I'm very angry at him. He apologized, but it was an empty apology. I could tell he didn't mean it. And he expected me to just accept his apology and everything would be fine. I'm usually forgiving, but this time I'm too upset. Any suggestions? I'm on the verge of dumping him, but not before telling him a few 'jokes' of my own and see to it that he never forgets them....
View related questions:
orgasm Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sirenapr +, writes (26 June 2010):
sirenapr is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your insightful answers! I so much appreciate them! I'm going to read the book Mr. Kermit suggested. Sounds interesting. And I'm taking time off from my boyfriend to gather my thoughts and see what happens. I've reached a crucial moment in considering the future (or end) of this relationship and I want to make sure I think things through because one thing I do is not to ever reverse an important decision. Once I make up my mind, there is no turning back. Again, thanks all soooo very much!!!! :O)
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (26 June 2010):
 Dump him.
There is a difference between a joke and emotional manipulation.
What he is doing is hurtful emotional manipulation to undermine any positive belief you have in yourself so he can destroy your self esteem.
Read the book, Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward.
This guy will graduate to physical violence. Not if, but when.
Get out of that relationship now.
-Frank
...............................
A
reader, RedPoppy  +, writes (26 June 2010):
I would say that often when we poke fun about other people, it's our own insecurities that are making us do that. Is he insecure? It's good that you mentioned it to him but you need to sit him down and tell him it just isn't funny and is really upsetting you. How would he like it if you poked fun of him sexually??? i bet he wouldn't. If he doesn't understand your upset and can't stop himself, then you have to ask yourself 'are you happy in this relationship'
...............................
A
female
reader, Blue Sahara +, writes (26 June 2010):
 I think you have to do 2 things.
1) Pick your battles. I'm sure there are things he says that just piss you off and things he says that are actually flat out cruel. When he is just pissing you off, don't pick the issue apart cause then when he says something really cruel it won't mean anything to him cause in his mind you got mad when he said he didn't like your pink toenail polish as much as the red. The reason you do this is for the 2nd thing you need to do.
2) Show him how serious the cruel words are by leaving when he says them. When he says something to you that's cruel, don't get into the game of yelling back and forth or trying to get him to apologize. When he says something cruel you pick up your things and leave. If it's one the phone you tell him that it was cruel and you don't want to talk anymore and hang up the phone. And then give it time before you contact him again. I don't mean to punish him. I mean to show him that his behavior is completely unacceptable.
We train people to treat us a certain way. I by no means mean his words are your fault. But if you act in a consistent way it will do one of three things 1) Get him to change his attitude 2) Make him leave cause he realizes he isn't going to change in a positive way and you aren't going to put up with it. 3) Will show you that the relationship clearly isn't important enough for him to try and resolve this. And that will give you a little more determination in what you need to do.
Another option is, if you have never said you were going leave, tell him you are at that point. But only say it if you don't say it all the time. If he hears it every other week, it's lost it's gravity. But if you have never said it, maybe it will wake him up to how serious his words are.
But I don't think there is anything wrong with leaving the relationship if you are at that point. Life is way too short to deal with cruel behavior from the person who is supposed to be kindest to you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Lotsalove. +, writes (26 June 2010):
 I know two wrongs dont make a right, but i say you get your own back. My boyfriend makes jokes with me but i know hes joking and i do it right back at him. But your boyfriend seems to be taking them way too far. You shouldnt have to put up with that! I say give him a taste of his own medicine and move on girl!!
...............................
|
