A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I recently found out that my boyfriend of 4 yrs was e mailing other girls online behind my back. I confronted him about this and he apologized, saying that he doesnt know what he was doing and it was a mistake. He says he never met any of these girls but was just curious whether another girl would be interested in him.... I feel like he cheated on me and I dont know whether i should forgive him. I know i cant continue to bring this up anymore b/c it's not fair to him or to us and we need to either move on or end what we have.I love him so much and we had been talking about getting married and now im all confused. i know he loves me so much, he says those e-mails meant nothing and that he would never do that again. he says that if i leave him for something like this he would never forgive himself and that he already feels ashamed for what he's done.it's hard for me to trust him now but i suppose i could eventually learn to trust him again if he shows me that he's being faithful.Should I forgive him and try to start over since he obviously regrets what he did? or should i end this? this isnt an easy decision, b/c we've been together for almost 4 yrs now and we've govne through so much together. Does he deserve another chance? is what he did considered cheating??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2008): Hi I have read your question and am amazed as I have just been going through the very same thing but also found emails he had sent to a woman he met through a friend in a pub. To me the things he put in the email were inappropriate to someone you are in a relationship with. Anyway I read your answers and your reply to them but I am still wondering what you think.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys so much for taking the time to reply, this means alot to me as i've been going crazy ever since this happaned.
The reason i was so disappointed was because he always says that im the one and he always seemed so sure in our relationship, even more than me. So this was a total shock to me, i feel like he deceived me.
He's not that young either. he's 27, he's had way more girlfriends and sexual partners than me. i think that he may not be ready to give up this lifestyle. i guess it's normal to be scared of commitment and have doubts sometimes, i do too, but all i know is that i would have never done that to him. i dont want to ruin what we have but i feel like this thing put so much doubt in me and in our relationship. i always trusted him to the fullest and now i feel like an idiot.
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A
male
reader, Moviefan +, writes (22 January 2008):
 It can be considerd cheatinf it is in the right situation but chances are because he isnt focusing on one girl he just had a moment where he was basically experimenting to see what kind of girls are interested in him. And the younger the guy the more likely things like this are to happen because he is still curious about the opposite sex.
He probably didnt mean anything by it and you should give him another chance, if this is the worst thing that has happend then thats not that bad. Basically he got a little curious about females other then you not in a sexual or personal manner but just to mess around a little. Yeah its sort of wrong but if he seems like he is sorry u should forgive him. And rebuild your trust.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (22 January 2008):
 Hi, Why not slow it down for a little while. These were real people he was talking to. Seems as if he is either curious as to who else is out there or just looking for conversation. Whatever it is, I would have a heart to heart talk, not to accuse him anymore, but find out how he really feels about you and the relationship specifically. This doesn't seem to be a major problem, and I think it may be good that it happened,to give both of you more time to grow in the relationship. I would rather have my borfriend e-mailing other women than my husband. Also, as I am understanding the situation, it was more than one woman he was e-mailing, so in other words, he was not concentrating on one person. Give yourself time to get over your hurt feelings and try to trust him again. Time should help. Everybody makes mistakes. Just take it slow.
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (22 January 2008):
 I would try to forgive him, but keep an eye on him for awhile and I wouldn't rush down the isle just yet. I'm wondering if you are his first girlfriend. If so, he may still feel like he has some exploring to do before he ties the knot with anyone. And if that is the case, I suspect he'll keep looking because he's not ready to be off the market just yet. If he has had other relationships prior to you, then I would wonder if he feels like something is missing between the two of you and he's still secretly searching for someone else. Rather than argue about this point further, give him the benefit of the doubt but don't put on blinders. And have a candid talk with him about his needing to be validated by others. I wish you the best.
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