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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 14 months now. We've never really had problems, but he's good looking, and a lot of girls fancy him. He's just generally a friendly guy, and that's why I love him, but I'm afraid it comes across as flirting to other girls. I'm aware of this, and we've talked about it loads, but girls keep coming up to him and hugging him and flirting - and being a nice guy, he makes conversation back.He knows how upset I get, because I worry for some reason. I just don't like how many girls find him attractive. Whenever he goes out, he always asks me if it's ok to see them (as he knows if its a girl, I might get upset) and a few times I've basically said no, and he's been fine with it. But I don't wanna control him.Yet, I can't let it go. I feel so worried when he's out with them - not because I think he'll do anything, but because I'm worried the girls will think he's flirting.He knows all this, but there's not an awful lot he can do to stay away from the girls.I know its confusing, but could anyone give me some advice on how to handle this type of thing? Anyone been in the same situation?Thanks :]
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female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (6 February 2008):
 You say you are "controlling" but you also say your b/f doesn't seem to mind it. So maybe you're not as controlling as you think you are -- you're just being smart to recognize what's going on around you with these other chicks. You may never be friends with these women, because clearly they have ulterior motives and that's why they don't like you. But if you're b/f doesn't mind you coming along when he goes out to have a drink with them, then I think you should ALWAYS accompany him. If they don't like it, they can take a hike. And maybe they will!! Then the two of you can make new friends as a couple, and your b/f can always have male buddies to do things with if he needs to occasionally "do his own thing". Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your help =D
But what if he doesn't mind me controlling him? He seems to quite like it to be honest. Could this still break us up in time?
And I'd love to be friends with them, Sugarbuns, but they don't like me because I go out with him. How can I get around this?
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female
reader, Ele  +, writes (25 January 2008):
If your boyfriend is attractive then girls will flirt with him. You can't stop them and he can't stop them. But it doesn't mean he is doing anything wrong. My fiance is good looking and he's friendly too, which some girls seem to take as interest. But I know he's just too nice to tell them to go away. We have a long distance relationship at the moment so I'm not even there when he goes out. But his male friends accompany him so that he doesn't get too drunk and do something stupid.
You can't expect him to have no female friends. I'm sure you have male friends.
You have to trust him. After all he is going out with you, not some other girl.
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns +, writes (22 January 2008):
Let's be real here. I don't agree with anon-e-mouse. You may trust him....but there's always going to be a concern that eventually your friendly guy will have a hard time saying no to a come on by a prettier-than-you girl. Now I realize you're both quite young and it seems silly to make huge demands on each other because more than likely you will both outgrow one another and move on to many, many more relationships before you finally settle down and get married. But your b/f mind as well learn now, that once he's in a relationship he's going to have difficulty with any girlfriend he's involved with, when he insists on having female friends who appear to be attracted to him and want more than just a friendship. I don't care how "innocent" his friendliness is -- it's going to be a problem. Number one, women are territorial by nature. Once we find a guy we like, we want the whole world to back off, that includes any gals that have "google-eyes" for our man, ex-girlfriends and current female friends who are probably trying like hell to win his heart away from you anyhow! Number two, when a guy is friendly with a woman we usually think he's attracted to us. (I know it may not be fair, but this is what runs through our minds) so your boyfriend is indeed sending mixed signals to these girls even though, in his mind -- he's just trying to be nice. What a gem! But to them, they see "opportunity" to weasel themselves in between the two of you and hopefully have a shot at him. Your boyfriend would be better off, if he'd just have a couple of good male buddies that he can hang out with when he needs time for himself, and leave the gal-pals out of the picture. Otherwise, you should probably accompany him when he hangs out with them. And hey, if doesn't have anything to hide, it shouldn't be a problem. Maybe you'll make friends with them too. Good luck.
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female
reader, Dawnie  +, writes (22 January 2008):
 You do sound controlling. You are insecure as a lot of us are at times, but this needs to stop. He has given you no reason to think he would go with anyone behind your back, like you say he is nice and friendly, it is his nature, it's why you fell for him. But you need to back off and let him speak to people, including girls. If you don't at some point down the line he will come to resent you and maybe feel trapped. Enjoy the fact you are going out with a good looking guy who happens to be popular, make friends with his friends. Have a great social life together.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (22 January 2008):
 You need to stop this. I went through this with my EX and that's one of the reasons she's now my EX.
He's with YOU right? YOU know he won't do anything so why worry? So what if girls think he's flirting. He's with YOU and if you trust him this shouldn't be an issue.
You can't keep him caged up or change his personality so I think you'll just have to learn to have faith in him. He sounds like a nice guy and it would be a shame if you lost each other because of this sillyness.
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