A
female
age
30-35,
*arahrose20
writes:i work and my boyfriend doesnt is it okay for me to expect him to do more around the house? he sits here all day with his friends and chills while im at work then when i come home the house is always untidy.(even if it was clean when i left) i get very frustrated and take it out on him. i dont know how to get him to find a job or go to school hes driving me nuts. evertime i see my family they tell me hes lazy and i shouldnt put up with it but hes in a depression right now and i want to support him.
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (17 September 2010):
 http://www.webmd.com/depression/recognizing-depression-symptoms/antidepressants
Those are the different types of drugs he can take, but being as he has free healthcare he might be limited on his options. However, the next doctor visit I would have him tell the doctors he feel like these aren't working and can he try a sample of one of the others. What works for some isn't going to work for others.
A
female
reader, sarahrose20 +, writes (17 September 2010):
sarahrose20 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni agree with you they need to change his meds before you post again look up side effects for cipralex they include agression, depression, wanting to hurt himself or others i thoughts meds were supposed to help with that?
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (17 September 2010):
Oh yeah they need to change his depression medicine they're clearly not effective. It really sounds like he doesn't care to get a job...Yes, you're right you have to be assertive and sometimes pestering to get people to review your application...the more you push the more chance you have of getting a job because they do take note in your aggressive interest. Of course the general manger isn't always going to be available so you're going to have to assistant manager who still has authority and will put in a good word if we wants you. I see that you're trying to be positive and you've even gotten to the point of being nagging..I know you hate it. But it still hasn't gotten through to him. You have no other choice but to put your foot down and give him a deadline to get a job. If he doesn't get a job in the next month then he has to move out. That will get his wheels rolling, get him to be more assertive and surely get him to start making some calls. Being nice, defensive, and understanding isn't getting you anywhere with him. Give him the deadline, he needs a hard shove in the right direction.
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A
female
reader, sarahrose20 +, writes (17 September 2010):
sarahrose20 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni know he has to start working again and hes trying. hell go as far as handing in a resumee and application but wont follow up. he went to a job fair at loblaws after i hounded him and brought home 2 applications. they said that they would call him last thursday but never did so i bugged n bugged till he called them. am i right by saying you have to let them know your interested by calling in? anyway he was on the phone and as soon as he found out the manager wasnt there it was just the assisting manager he hung up on them! i was soo mad i tried to convince him to call back but he wont. they had already accepted him for a job there last year but he had to turn them down because metro had already hired him. shouldnt that meanthat thats a good chance for him and hes letting it pass him by? i just dont know how to encourage him without upsetting him. today he wrote up a new resumee and i asked him if i could be a critict. so i went through it and found a whole bunch of spelling and grammar mistakes and corrected them. he had also used the phrase “counter person” which i pointed out wasnt very professional. he didnt even look at the changes i made. he freaked threw the copy i had corrected on the floor and ripped the copy he was holding in half i asked him if he could at least consider the changes i made but he refused and stormed out of the room. he came back about 10 minutes later (im assuming he went out for a smoke) and when he came back he shreded all his copies in the shredder made a big mess then left again. when he came back the second time he was in tears. he has depression axiety issues and hes on clinazopam and ciprolex but i dont think they help. he gets bursts of angar all the time over little things then bursts into tears. i love him soo much and want to help him through this hard time but with his angar it make it difficult to get through to him.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 September 2010):
I'm out of work. But I don't sit around 'chilling'. I don't care if he's depressed, either you kick his ass into finding work or doing stuff around the house, or you kick him out. You know what helps depression more than support? Doing stuff. I had depression, but like hell did I sit there wallowing around. Listen to your family. You're being taken for a ride by this guy. So either kick his ass into gear, or kick him out. Don't be a doormat.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (16 September 2010):
Well he's not your maid, but I do agree he could pick up after himself. However, if he's always been messy and mother let him get away with it, then it's not going to happen. You'll be fighting a losing battle on that one. Don't know how the economy is in Canada but in America it still blows. As long as he's trying then I'd give him credit but he's not. Do you guys have your own place? And I'm assuming you pay all the bills so you're supporting him? Bring home the paper, give him the Help Wanted section, and throw in some college brochures you obtained from the local community colleges or universities. Sit him down and tell him you would like him to start contributing and look for a part time job. He could even be a part time student as well. That by him sitting home all the time isn't benefiting him in the long run and is also adding to his depression. If he is seriously depressed then he needs to seek help for it. However, if he's off his parents insurance and can't afford it all the more reason to get a job so he can have health insurance. If he isn't making any attempt to look for a job or to sign up for school then you need to ask him to move out and he can move back in when he's matured and taken charge of his life instead of letting it pass him by.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2010): If you're willing to enable him you can't complain when he takes advantage of it.
Tough Love is the solution... not a free ride.
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