A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm a 20 yr old female. I've been in a relationship for the past 8 months. Although I know it's normal for the dynamic of a relationship to change over time, I just can't seem to shake the feeling of inevitable doom.Around September, my boyfriend started getting really moody and distant, claiming that he was just overworked by both school and work. So we started spending less and less time together, which is normal because we both go to school and work. But now I feel like he'd rather spend time with anyone but me because there's always some "old friend" (usually a girl) who wants to meet up with him. I'm not the jealous type, but this is starting to happen fairly often (sometimes 2 weekends out of a month). They'd invite him to parties and dinners and he'd mention them to me, but never invites me, not that I'd really wanna go. I've given him his space and not said anything. But I can't help feeling that he never invites me because he's either embarrassed by me or is hiding something. It's gotten to the point where I've started to question our relationship. Am I over-reacting? I've tried talking about similar things in the past but always seem to be stonewalled by his reluctance to share in a conversation about anything emotionally-related.I really do love him and I don't want to lose him over something stupid but at the same time I don't want to be the fool with the "wool over her eyes" either.PLEASE HELP ME!!!!
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (29 October 2007):
 Hi,
on the surface it may seem a little suspicious. However, you mention that your bf meets up with these old friends "sometimes two weekends " out of the month. So I gather from that its more like once a month in general. This really doesnt seem like a problem to me, its not as though all his time is spent with these people.
Do you spend time with friends as well? Or do you give all your time to your boyfriend. If you ask yourself this question your answer might be there. It is quite possible that your bf is feeling smothered, you are both young and when I was your age I wanted to go out every night with friends.
I would give your bf the space if I were you , this could be the reason he isn't inviting you along, its not that he doesnt want you there its that you two are always together socially, so he may be feeling trapped and his meeting up with old friends is his way of coping with the lack of space.
This advice is given based solely on what you wrote, if you are an outgoing type with lots of friends and you give your boyfriend plenty of space then there very may well be some issues that he's not sharing with you, otherwise I think its more likely that he's just trying to get some time on his own.
This is not to say that you shouldnt get the bulk of your boyfriends home time. He is your live in partner after all and he should respect your feelings, but one weekend a month with friends is not too much to ask.
good luck.
A
female
reader, Sassister  +, writes (28 October 2007):
Are you always available to him when he wants to spend time with you? Are you always right there when he calls? Try expanding your life so that you are as busy as he is and then see if he changes his attitude and behavior. I'm not advocating mind games. If both of you have precious little time to spend together as it is with school and work, he might be getting the feeling that all his spare time in "taken up" by you and then he starts to feel smothered and cramped. Show you that you have a life of your own with friends of your own and see if those old "friends" disappear. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (28 October 2007):
 Hm would you want to take your boyfriend to meet up with an ex? How about a friend that you hadn't seen in ages? This is just my first instinct and I'm sure that it's not as simple as this but the fact is that when you meet up with someone you haven't seen in a long time, if you have a third person there who has nothing in common with that person except you, it's bound to be awkward and you'll feel like you have to babysit your current boyfriend and bring him into conversation at the expense of catching up with the other person. I'm fairly sure that the reason he's not inviting you is because he wants to catch up with these old friends without having to worry about whether you're enjoying yourself etc. Why not try and plan something special quite far in advance with your boyfriend? Then you'll get the chance to see him properly.
CD
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