A
female
age
36-40,
*d206
writes:I was 17 when I fell in love for the first time. I know people will read this and think that 17 is too young to be in love but I'm 23 now and I know without a doubt that there was love between us and I've never been able to recreate those feelings. We broke up just a few days before I turned 18. He'd had a cancer scare and even though everything turned out okay he said he associated me with that time in his life and he couldn't be with me anymore or even talk to me. I won't lie- I found it very hard to get over him. It was over two years before I even found another guy attractive, let alone dated anyone else. I've never really forgotten him, I've just blocked him out so that I don't have to remember how sad he made me.This year he got in touch with me via facebook to wish me a happy birthday and we got talking again. He's engaged now and I am genuinely happy for him although I have the requisite regrets that things didn't work out for us. Since he got back in touch we talk once or twice a week by email and I've started to miss him so much. I'm not deluded about things. I know that he's with someone else now and that won't change but I can't stop thinking about him. It's like when we first broke up minus the crushing pain. Every little thing reminds me of him. I would never ever act on these feelings. I just worry that this obsession will end up ruining my chances at happiness. I've thought about just ignoring the messages but in some ways I think not knowing would be worse than knowing.I know this post is long and I'm sorry for thatCat
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female
reader, tulipdame  +, writes (28 October 2007):
It is very difficult at this age to get your feelings in check. I think that life's biggest lesson its unpredictability: one day you are on top of the world, the next minute you've lost everything. Abraham Lincoln, of of America's greatest Presidents, suffered deep depressions during his youth that started when a woman he was engaged to died. Him and his wife had a great working relationship, but they were not said to be deeply in love. Life is not exactly like it is described in the storybooks. Sometimes you really want something and you don't get it. Sometimes you are thankful for that later.
Your story is sad but there are many sad stories out there. There's people who had found their husbands cheating in their 40's. People worried sick about their kids. Don't concentrate so much on yourself - open your eyes and see life happening all around you. You are still in your early twenties - when it is much easier to fall in love than in when you are fourty or fifty. Open yourself up to new people and new experiences and you'll grow more objective about people, you won't see this guy as the top notch material but value compare him to others. His reason for breaking up with you seems a bit sketchy to me - fear of reliving past fear? It's really hard to imagine there are no better men out there.
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