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male
age
36-40,
*aniel1987
writes: Hi everyone. I've posted a few questions on here before. I'm still struggling with my relationship. To give you a bit of background, I'm a 23-year-old gay guy who has been in a relationship with a 53-year-old guy (huge age gap, I know!) for almost four years now. Ever since our relationship started, there has been a serious problem with sex. Basically, it's completely one-way. He is the one who always gets to orgasm, whether it be a handjob, blowjob or by f***ing me. However, he never comes near my penis. I've asked him for handjobs and blowjobs, but he's always very reluctant, and never actually does it. I think the fact that I have to ask says it all, really. He should want to do stuff with my penis without me having to ask. We've just been on holiday together to the Maldives, and we had a great time. However, when I was feeling horny on holiday, I asked him to do stuff for me, and he was, as usual, very reluctant, and never actually did it. He said to me, and these were his exact words, "I wish I could do more for you." And that was that. Please tell me what I should do here. I love him so much, but I don't think this is what a healthy relationship should entail.
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blow-job, hand-job, his ex, horny, my penis, on holiday, orgasm Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sugarcandy  +, writes (9 November 2010):
He sounds like a very dominant, masculine top (and possibly DL, I couldn't really tell based on your text).
If ^ they consider you the submissive bottom and might have issues with doing "submissive" type roles where they feel they are now vulnerable.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2010): Like everyone else here I say dump him.
I know you think you might be miserable then and maybe you will be. Maybe it will be a very hard time , maybe it will be tough and you will cry a lot.
BUT can it really be worse than knowing you are with someone who does not love you, someone who does not respect you and just sees a free call boy in you?
Can you really live that life?
Also have you ever asked him WHY he doesn't want to touch you?
If you adress him directly he will have no choice but answer even if he lies but just show him you will not accept this wordlessly anymore.
STAND UP AND FIGHT!
You must respect yourself and you must defend yourself!
That is something no one can run from no matter how mentally unstable they are.
Good luck and remember if you don't fight for yourself no one will!
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A
female
reader, misLadYd..  +, writes (5 November 2010):
 tell him you cant satisfy him alone when he doesnt.or better yet JUST DUMP HIM.if he loves you he would make u happy
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): dump him,if he cant give u a hand job,blow job etc he aint worth it,it cant be take take take, u desreve abit of pleasure aswell x
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A
male
reader, sami1234  +, writes (4 November 2010):
leave him buddy and move one and sing "i will survive" you deserve better
Good luck
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A
male
reader, daniel1987 +, writes (4 November 2010):
daniel1987 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all of your answers so far. One of my problems is that I don't think I can cope on my own. My mental state is very fragile, and I worry that I'll be unable to focus at work and things like that if I break up with him. I think he may actually be playing on my mental instability, knowing that he can dictate what happens in the relationship because he knows that I don't have the courage to leave and go it alone.
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (4 November 2010):
 he is selfish, move on
he is clearly not attracted to you. not a good person to have around as he will shred your self esteem. leave him now
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A
male
reader, AvgGuy1 +, writes (4 November 2010):
You either work it out with him that you can have physical relations with someone else who WILL get you off... or you leave him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): honey he's not into u that way all he wont's is to get himself off and that all that matter to him he can care less about your feeling i sugguest that you move on and find someone that can love you back. good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): I had the same kind of relationship but with a man (I'm a woman btw). But the basics are similar, we both have/had partners who were not fulfilling our sexual needs. My partner was the same, he would love getting (and frequently asked) for blow=jobs, hand jobs etc but would never touch me or bring me to orgasm. Even asking him to hold my hand was a big deal but he would love getting massages and attention from me. Bottom line is this: if he is refusing to touch you then something is very wrong. I left my partner after four years and for this reason only. He was a great bf otherwise, he was respectful, loyal and really did care for me- but he was not sexually attracted to me and as such could not bring himself to pleasure me. Trust me on this, it will not get better- not after four years. As I wrote this out, I also thought this : it could be that he is not comfortable being gay. He is at an age where homosexuality was not accepted when he was younger- thought of as taboo, so he could feel bad about actaully touching and pleasuring a man's penis. He obviously likes it when you do things to him as he can technically close his eyes and not see him self with a male, but otherwise- him actaully doing things to a man might make him feel guilty. Talk to him about it. If things don't change, re-evaluate the relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): It sounds like he might not be fully gay. He is gay enough to have you please him, but not gay enough to submit to you. He honestly might just be using you to get off, because it seems gay guys are way more willing / easier than women. I guess an analogy would be like the guys in prison who have a bitch. They're doing gay acts but its not because they're gay, its just the way they satisfy their needs.
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