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My boyfriend moved away to attend school and I have become depressed

Tagged as: Big Questions, Long distance, Teenage, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 November 2012) 3 Answers - (Newest, 12 November 2012)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend moved away for schooling. He is about 3-4 hours away. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. We have been dating for about 5 months. He mostly went to make sure that we had a nice future together like nice house, wedding ETC.

He got offered to be in a program that is going to keep him there for 2 years or more. I love him more than I have ever loved anyone.

I suffered a depressing event last winter and he was the person that pulled me out of my depression and truly made me happy. He left a week ago. Since then I have cried everyday and have cried myself to sleep about 3 times now. I'm pretty sure my depression is back because he left.

The only way of communicating with him is text and he can only come home on holidays because of money for travel issues. I miss him so much and I can't stand it. I just want him to come back. I honestly don't care about having a nice house or wedding. I just want him.

We have both been cheated on in the past and are both majorly worried that the other will find someone new. I want to tell him to come home and convince him some how. I want to tell him i'm depressed and he needs to comeback and help me. I feel like if I do that he will regret not taking his opportunity for free schooling and regret me for having him come back.

What should I do?

Should I just end it like if you love someone set them free? Should I convince him to come home? Should I tell him about my depression and have him make the decision but what if he regrets it? Maybe tell him about the depression and about my thought about regret?

View related questions: depressed, money, on holiday, text, wedding

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2012):

what is your current situation? are you also in university or working etc? is there any possibility you can maybe relocate to join your bf?

you both are clearly serious about one another and in order to achieve financial stability in the future for children, a house etc... the decisions/actions you take now will affect your future, so if education will help achieve this then keep it in mind: you definitely won't regret it in 10 years.

However, your world does seem to revolve a bit too much around your bf. What are your personal aspirations? Try to keep yourself busy/do something nice for yourself to avoid thinking too much about the distance: hang out with friends, take a walk, try out the gym, see a movie/tv-show, learn new cooking recipes, take up a language course... Another thing is that to help cope with your feelings, you can maybe keep a journal or even a blog if maybe you want to share with your boyfriend.

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A male reader, bluewarrior911 United States +, writes (11 November 2012):

bluewarrior911 agony aunt"Love is like a butterfly. If you chase it, it will fly away; but if you keep still, it will land quietly on your lap."

If there is anything I've learned in this life, it would be that "Happiness and Love" can never be found outside of ourselves - not in people, places, or things. It is an internal choice we all must make everyday regardless of circumstance.

The source of your problem is not the absence of your boyfriend. The question you will really need to answer is..."What is really going on "inside" of you?" Because, in the end...that is all that matters. YOU are the only person YOU are responsible for. YOU were brought here on Earth for a reason. Finding the reason is your quest. Nothing happens by accident.

I hope this helps.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2012):

"Love is like a butterfly. If you chase it; it will fly away; but if you keep still, it will fall quietly on your lap."

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