A
female
age
36-40,
*ea_rose
writes:Me and my boyfriend have recently reached our two year anniversary. He is the first person I have slept with. I had other serious relationships before this but chose not to lose my virginity until I was completely ready. He has always stared at other girls while we have been together and I find it extremely hurtful. He first claimed he didn't know he was doing it. Even after I told him how much it hurt when he looked past me to star at the nearest female. It's really knocked my self esteem. I used to be so confident. He just says that its completely normal and that i should just accept it and that Im the abnormal one for not understanding. He told me that he wants to sleep with everything he sees after I got very upset that he spent an evening in a pub eyeing up one of my friends. What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, verinadm1  +, writes (21 August 2008):
My dear girl,Do you really have to ask that question? For one, a man who respects a woman would never say that he wants to sleep with other women or even stare for that matter. I can understand your matter because I dated a man that did the same thing. And yes, it's possible that in the midst of a heated argument he might say some irrational things, but most of the time those are the times when the truth comes out. For him to claim that staring is normal and you are abnormal is crazy!! That is another put down right there. Of course your self esteem is drifting. What my advise would be is to try to communicate with him. Sit him down and bring up the fact that it hurts you and you love him but don't feel he is committed to you emotionally. If he brushes it off, there is your answer. I had to catch my man cheating to let him go. I don't want to scare you, but really consider what may be of the situation if you don't put your feet down. Hope you make the right decision. Take care.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): You must determine whether he's just giving a pretty girl a passing glance (natural) or his full attention (anti-monogamous). From what you've said, it sounds like the latter, which is extremely disrespectful to you. When in your presence, only you should have his full attention. I find it very alarming that he eyed your friend up and down - that's very suspicious and downright crude. It's bad enough that he's gawking at other women, but your friend? That's very uncomfortable - for you and your friend. Again, he's demonstrating that he doesn't care to consider your feelings. And finally, his comment about wanting to sleep with everything he sees is also something to consider. Now, he could have just said this out of anger since you called out his not-so-admirable habit, but that is very childish and not conducive to an open and healthy relationship. You should be free to voice your concerns without fear of petulant reprisal. However, if he was being honest, then he's a whore with no standards. And who wants that?
I say ditch him. He sounds like a total creep who'll never be happy with only one woman. It seems rather obvious that he has no intention of considering your perspective or trying to amend his behavior in order to make you happy. An unwillingness to compromise is the death of a relationship. There's no point in being in a relationship if your partner doesn't make you feel good about yourself. Remember: You deserve what you think you deserve. Don't settle for less.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (6 November 2007):
 Hi,
I think you need to clarify whether he leers or peeks.
All us guys like a sneaky peek at a pretty girl, my wife knows this and she in turn likes a sneaky peek at a hot guy. It adds spice to the relationship and there is no harm done.
However if your boyfriend is leering at these girls, i.e. he is standing there staring at them for a protracted period of time and ignoring you, then he's a creep.
p.s. he may have said he wants to sleep with them as a defensive reaction during your argument, I wouldnt read to much into this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): Yes, it is normal for a guy to look at and be attracted to other women. On the other hand, a healthy relationship requires respect and drooling over other women when he's in your presence is not respectful, especially since you've made it clear that it bothers you. Surely he has plenty of opportunity when you are not around to ogle hot chicks to his heart's content. Shouldn't put too much of a crimp in his style to try to avoid it when he's with you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): He wants to sleep with everything he sees? He told you this? Doesn't sound like a good recipe for monogamy. Maybe you should consider an open relationship for a while or a threesome so he can "grow up" a bit and stop lusting after (apparently) literally everyone he sees. That's sad. It's one thing to look at another woman, it's another to thing to want to sleep with all of them!
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A
female
reader, Mistify  +, writes (6 November 2007):
 Your boyfriend seems perfectly normal.
All guys "look" at other women, and as long as they don't touch, it is okay. Fact is, he is still with you. He hasn't gone with any of the girls he's been eyeing has he? If not, then you still don't have any reason to mistrust him. However, i suggest you speak to him, and tell him exactly how it makes you feel, and ask him if he can put in a conscious effort to do it a little less.
My bf and i make jokes to each other about other girls / guys.
I have the space to admire a good-looking guy, and i'll tell him that, and he may do the same to me. Thing is, it will only affect you if you are insecure about yourself, and your relationship. Come now girl. This guy is still with you. Yes, when he said that he wants to sleep with everything he sees, it was hurtful to you, but guys say some silly things when they are upset sumtimes. Try and be more forgiving, but never let your guard totally down. Usually when you have a feeling about something, you aren't wrong, so just keep an eye out.. keep to the rule - innocent until proven guilty, and don't put him on trial everyday.
Hope this helps.
Good luck
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