A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Just this summer, I saw that my boyfriend had one of this girl's number on his recent texts, meaning he was recently texting with her. Oh and he knows that I hate this girl so much. So I asked him about it and he told me that "probably someone was using my phone"... then I asked him again and again and he just basically told me that he did not text with her. So, last night I was checking up on bill histories of the cellphones. And I found out that on July 13, 2010 from 1:51 AM - 5:37 AM, him and that girl was texting. Now, I want to know how to confront him as calmly as I can without actually yelling at him because I am mad and sad. I don't know if I should just end the relationship or keep hanging on like I have been for the past 4 years now. Please help me....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2010): Hello, I am the girl that wrote this question. Well, I can honestly say it has been 4 long years and for every single time I am with him, I feel like I am and been lied to. For our 1st year relationship, he basically ignored me all the time just for that girl. We have broken up many times just because he says he doesn't want to deal with problems. 2nd year, we were alright then, once I left, he turns back into the same person since he just couldn't resist not to hang out with them. 3rd year, we were bad. He hid from me that the girl asked him to her prom and that I had to find out for myself. Then, from there on, it just went downhill and we broke up for 4 months. Then 4th year, he finally gave me his word that he wouldn't talk to them because he knew I don't like them, but I still get the proof that he doesn't keep his word and hurt me in the end. I don't know what to do now, I love him so much and I have put everything I can to make this relationship work. Now, I just feel stupid and dumb because that is how he is treating me. I don't know if I should stay with him and if he is still worth it...
A
male
reader, ashaw +, writes (27 September 2010):
If you're attached to him, tell him you like/love him, but you need truth and open communication, or it's walking time. That is not an unreasonable condition for a relationship. Also, make your expectations regarding this other girl clear. I know this sounds easier than it is, but, if you make all the conditions and expectations clear, then he just has some decisions to make. Don't feel bad for asking for evidence, or checking with friends. He has breeched your trust, and needs to earn it back. He hasn't demonstrated very encouraging patterns of behavior thus far.
If you're not that attached, leave now.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (27 September 2010):
 You've got to talk to him about it and have the bill with you for evidence. If "somebody probably used my phone" is still his excuse for explaining 4 hours of texts, then he needs to go. He's obviously lying, but the bigger question is if he is cheating.
Did they text at other times too? Or was it just that one night?
I'd take a look at the bill and see if you don't notice her number popping up more often.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 September 2010):
 Well its not wrong of him to text a girl its his life and you should trust him, as long as the textes werent suggestive, yet you have every right to be angry with him for lying to you, possibly these two could be friends and it could have been innocent maybe and he just lied to protect you as he knows you dont like this girl, or yes possibly he could have been flirting and thats why he lied. Dont break up with him just confront him with the phone bill tell him you want the full truth or else you are finishing with him. Good luck
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