A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:so basically my boyfriend lied to me. big time. for starters, i don't want to be with someone that does drugs or drinks. so he told me that he's never going to drink or smoke weed ever again. so i trusted him and believe him. but then his friend left his phone at my house and i read the texts from my boyfriend. they were talking about not inviting me to his friends house because he wanted to drink. and there was ones about getting weed and stuff. after the night that he went to his friends house, i asked my bf if he drank and he said no. and then i have to go on his friends phone to read textes telling me he lied to me? and i saw pictures of him playing beer pong. i can't believe he would lie to me like that. i mean i know his friends do that stuff but he doesn't have to too. i'm not trying to change him and the way he acts but i just don't want to be with a person that does that stuff. so should i break up with him? i'm thinking about it.
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (15 August 2008):
He's going to do what he's going to do. And trying to get him to not do those things IS trying to change him. That is the person he is--he likes to drink and smoke weed with his friends. If you want to be with someone who doesn't do those things, then that's who you will need to be with. If you give him another chance, he will do it again behind your back and you'll end up pissed off and betrayed once again. Going back to your question, if you should dump him; yes, if you don't want to be with someone who does those things. If you want to be with him you're probably going to have to accept that he drinks and smokes weed--but then that's just settling for someone that does things that you're not interested in. Hope this helps.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): You present as aged 13-15 and currently living in the USA. Is your boyfriend the same age as you, if he is, then he really shouldn't be doing these things. It's not good for you to be arround such a guy, if he's doing this, what will he be doing next. I think you should find yourself somebody else, that shares values which you feel more comfortable with. He lies to you, what else has he lied about, what are he and his mates doing when your not arround?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): You present as aged 13-15 and currently living in the USA. Is your boyfriend the same age as you, if he is, then he really shouldn't be doing these things. It's not good for you to be arround such a guy, if he's doing this, what will he be doing next. I think you should find yourself somebody else, that shares values which you feel more comfortable with. He lies to you, what else has he lied about, what are he and his mates doing when your not arround?
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (14 August 2008):
 To be honest he should not have lied to you about not smoking weed and not drinking anymore. realtionships are built on trust, if you have not got the trust than there is no chance a realtionship can work. But on the other hand i feel that you should not have opened up his mates phone and gone in and retrieved messages that your boyfriend had sent him, in a way i think that this is as bad as his not telling you about his drinking and smoking. As for breaking up with him this is your call, but if you want to continue this realtionship then he has got to be honest about his drinking, and i think that you should come clean about going through his mates phone.
K
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A
female
reader, MidtownToDowntown  +, writes (14 August 2008):
When something like this happens the only thing you can do IS leave him. I'm sorry to say this but you're young and having been your age too I know that no matter how much someone nags you to change you're not going to; after all, you're 15, you're all-knowing.
The foundation of a relationship is communication and trust. If you're not getting that, well then you know it's time to go. That or let him drag you down with him
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A
female
reader, superrrshawna +, writes (14 August 2008):
 the fact is your boyfriend drinks and does drugs. he is addicted, he likes the person he portrays with a joint in his hand, he likes the feeling... bottom line is he does it.
you might love him, but if you don't want to be with someone who does, the obvious answer is that the two of you won't last in the long run anyway.
it is probably better to break up with someone who is lying and not your perfect match now rather than later.
it's tough, but a decision you probably need to make. good luck!
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