A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I just found this sight and was hoping for some advice. I've been in a serious relationship for 18 months and we are talking marriage here. My guy is terrific, thoughtful, giving, considerate and sweet. BUT today as we were doing laundary, i found a pair of women's underwear. They were quite old and I asked him who they belonged to. GET this, he said they belonged to his first ex-wife from over 20 years ago. I know he loves me but do you think he's stillin love with her? I was too shocked and afraid to ask him. He threw the panties away but I pulled them back out and put them in his drawer. We don't live together. I know men have panty fetishes and I hear that men keep panties of women they're in love with...What should I do? Any help would be appreciated...Thank you
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (15 March 2010):
 I'm heartened to know that he has a pair of yours already. That is a good sign for you.
FA
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your great advice and words of wisdom, especially you Fatherly Advice.
I know that he uses the panties to masterbate on as he has said he did that with mine (hence that's why they were in the wash). I'm ok if he uses mine, but it was a shock to see the ex-wifes panties. And yes, I did return them because I felt that was a memory that belonged to him and he should have thrown them away when he was ready, NOT because he felt pressured by me.
Fatherly brought up the fact that perhaps he's wearing them himself, I had't thought of that and kind of freaks me out. I didn't get much sleep last night as I kept replaying this scenario in my head.
I will take Fatherly's advice and talk with him about this and see if this is something that I'll be ok with in the long run.
Thank you all again.
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A
female
reader, veronika  +, writes (14 March 2010):
 Erm, I'm slightly baffled.
He's kept the panties for 20 years, but yet he's only washing them NOW?! It doesn't make complete sense. And also why did you put them back in his draw, just out of curiosity?
I'm tempted to think that there's something more to this story that your partner isn't letting on, perhaps he's lying even, but I don't want to put thoughts in your head.
I will say, though, that perhaps you should just put the panties back in the bin and forget about them for the time being, if he's a good catch like you say he is.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (14 March 2010):
Actually this really doesn't add up. In twenty years the elastic would deteriorate. And they wouldn't need to be washed. The panties are his. Either he isn't ready to talk to you about the panty fetish, or he put them in the laundry as a conversation starter, then backed down based on his evaluation of your reaction. A guy with a panty fetish has a big secret. If he wants to get into a relationship, he has to make a confession at some point. It can be a pretty nervous time, There is a good chance that the girl is going to jump to a wrong conclusion, or just be freaked out about it.
You say that in all aspects he is a terrific guy, so it should be worth your time to learn more about this. You need to keep in your mind that he is not a freak, just a guy with an unusual hobby. By returning the panties to his drawer you acknowledged that you believe he has a right to own them. That is a good first step. Next you need to talk to him openly, without accusations, about what the panties mean to him, and what he does with them. Then with all the facts in your mind you can decide if you can accept the whole package.
Having a shared secret helps build a faithful relationship. There is plenty of information available on this, but, I think it is important that you finish talking to him first.
FA
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (14 March 2010):
 He may have forgotten about it and it has no more sentimental value. He threw it away. Perhaps , he does not want to be reminded of his ex wife.
Well! Throw them back into the bin of history.
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A
male
reader, weparley +, writes (14 March 2010):
I would thing your bf would had, had enough sense to put them in a place (a box in the attic at least)than to just have them laying around like a childs toy in the living room.
This minor situation doesn't speak much volume about your boyfriend. "Seriously, it doesn't" He's not all there (mentally) in my opinion
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A
female
reader, Not My Name +, writes (14 March 2010):
 You should have left them in the bin and not wasted time thinking about them again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2010): My very first boyfriend from years and years ago (whom we lost our virginity's to) kept my panties. After all these years, he still has them. He has a girlfriend currently and has had bunches of girlfriends in the past. Sometimes, I still wonder what it means, too.
But, I think it's just a subtle memory. Neither of us have any feeling of affection toward each other.
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