A
female
age
51-59,
*oxy4397
writes:I've been in a relationship with a man who I've been living with for 1.5 years. He is committed to me and acts in ways that confirm this. But he still mentions or references his ex--sometimes once a week! He tells me what the weather is like in her hometown, recalls memories where she's involved. He's tied to a loan with her til 2011--he tried to get removed but she won't change it. She cheated on him 3 times in their 10 years together but he was the one who always went back to her. A month ago I found an engagement ring that he had given her--tucked away. He's agreed to get rid of it but it bothers me that he still had it. I think they talk occasionally through e-mail--when I asked if he's still talking to her--he quickly said no and changed the subject. All of the incidents are weighing heavily on my mind even though things are fine between us. I worry that he still has feelings for her....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2010): I have the same fears about my relationship. My boyfriend CONSTANTLY mentioned his ex in the starts of our relationship. It was as if everything I said provoked a thought or a story of her. It's all I can do now to "try" and force myself not to think about her whenever I'm with him. He's never held onto any of her things. I haven't found any photos, any gifts, nothing. Of course, they were together for three years, on-and-off, and they were pretty young (he:18-20; she:15-17), so I don't think they were quite as serious as being close to getting engaged. But she treated him very poorly throughout their entire relationship, and she cheated on him twice (once with a girl, and once with his best friend), and he still went back to her. Try talking with your guy about it. Maybe it will help. But please, please don't ask for more details. It will only exacerbate the problem and make things worse. Keep whatever burning questions that you have in your head just that -- in your head. Confirming your worst fears is the hardest thing to face. Just let him know that you can't handle hearing about her anymore, and if he's truly over her, he'll stop.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2010): Are you open with him about any of your exes?
Me personally, i keep contact with some exes. even my most serious that i was going to marry. I am the kind of person who doesnt hide their past.
i live with my current boyfriend, and he knows that i talk to my ex and trusts me. i am committed to him completely.
before he knew that we still kept contact i would talk to my boyfriend about things and sometimes in stories my ex would come up, so it may not be an issue.
Before my boyfriend knew about my X and i, i did cut the subject quickly when asked about it. But it was an innocent relationship and when he learned of it took it a little rough but accepted it because of how close we are.
If he has a history of cheating i would worry, but if not.. i say its okay :-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2010): that's hard .im a man and married and even after 10 years i want my ex back , she cheated on me a few times .
be carfull because love is very powerfull and can make you do just about anything , it may go away but he still had the ring and seing that you love him . he had a ring for another girl that he still talkes to , and you are on 1.5 years , he is not over her at all . and the fact that he won't talk about it shows it with out a dought
and most likly hiding it . " if you find 1 roch there are 1000 more behind the wall " tell his how you fell about him and the situation but i would .. just like he would get very upset about it if you don't he thinks it's ok and may use you to have some one tell him and her get back together . check it out don't waste your life on some one you love that will never fully love you back
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A
female
reader, Tarawr  +, writes (19 February 2010):
 He is obviously not over her. This doesn't mean that he doesn't want to be with you. Just look at what you said: "She cheated on him 3 times in their 10 years together but he was the one who always went back to her."
He was, and still seems to be, obsessed with her. Tell him to just put that relationship behind him, and find out for sure if he's still talking to her. You have the right to know if he is still speaking with her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): He isn't over his ex basicly he wants you to think he is if your not careful he might cheat EVEN if you think he isn't capable everyone can do this but we all have a mental barrier that prevents us from cheating but the fact he mentions her and kept the ring tells me he has broken some of those mental barriers but don't just blindly listen to others think for yourself but this may help idk but I hope it did
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