A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and i have been together for 7 months, he still wants us to remain secret while he tells his parents about taking his ex out..when i told him i don't like him telling about his ex and keeping us secret, he told me that, loads of things go through my little head and i don't understand him.He said, his parents already know about her and there is no harm.I feel like he is not sure about me or ashamed of telling about me. He also took her out of city as a treat(tuesday) as she is returning to her country,while i stayed home depressed because on sunday, he accidently came inside me and i wanted get morning after pill and his concern for me. He didn't call me at all during the day. Later in the evening he called me and accused me of being viscious by wanting to take the pill on the same day to spoil his plans.While he had no concerns for me how worried i must have been. He reasoned himself by saying he had no idea i was worried but when i called him he ingnored my calls. And everytime i tell him, what hurts, he accuses me of not trusting him but never understands me.
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depressed, his ex, the pill Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): You are hurt disturbed by what is occurring. I don't blame you. Hun, you are emotionally and physically involved with a guy who is still deeply attached to his ex gf, he ignores your calls and he has never bothered to give you the respect and honor due by introducing you to his family, in the 7 months you have dated him. This is a difference in relationships values and it doesn't help that the ex gf is lurking in the background to prevent him from committing fully to you. Perhaps you need to look at this difference and decided whether this something you want in your life. And I am wondering why you are spending your precious time and emotional energy on a guy who treats you this, disrespectfully. You seem to not be clearly setting some boundaries in this relationship and standing up for yourself in a more confident, assertive way. You most definitely can do that. We usually want people in our life, who are good for us and open to having a mutually, generous, love relationship. You don't have this with this guy. I think it's time to muster up some pride here and walk away. I think you want a deep and rewarding relationship and you know you deserve it, don't you. This guy is not the one.
A
female
reader, Lil_devil  +, writes (19 September 2007):
Hun u need a tell hgm adios! He is trying to push u 2 c how hard u bend. Dont let him. And if that was his ex tham he shouldnt b taking her out.stop having sex with him! That just encourages him further. Walk the line with sum1 else. much luv lil_devil
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): Oh god this guy is playing you for such a fool and to be honest I do not understand why you put up with it. First off, why did your bf seem to think it was ok for him to take his ex gf out for a treat when you are his gf? That is crazy. He thinks it is ok to treat you like this because you allow it. Why on earth are you allowing him to treat you like this? If my bf did any of those things to me, I would dump him. To be honest, the only person I see to blame here is you. Do you have any pride? Do you have any boundaries? I don't understand what you don't understand about this. You have accepted and tolerated the fact that he keeps you a secret and that he basically does whatever he pleases as if he was single with no consideration for you. What does that tell you? Obviously he doesn't care about you like you think he does. So dump the fool. Don't you want to be with someone who treats you well, who respects you, who doesn't cross your boundaries? He has done all of these things. So leave him. And next time SET BOUNDARIES. Don't let people walk all over you, because if given the chance, they will, as you can see from your own experience. He has set all the rules and boundaries in this relationship and you have accepted them all and conformed to them and have set no boundaries of your own. Don't take this the wrong way cause I am trying to help but you are being pathetic. Gosh. Demand respect.
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A
female
reader, leanne.od +, writes (19 September 2007):
 i defo think you need to get out. if he is stuck on his ex, let her have him, don't let them laugh at you behind your back because you are worth so much more than that.
if hasn't got the integrity to show you off and appreciate you, he's not worthy of being with you.
you can do better and you'll find true love.
good luck.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (19 September 2007):
 Let me ask you this question. How does your pain have anything to do with him. It's the way you feel (which generally we have reasons to feel that way). When you say you're hurting, he's really stuck on himself to think it just may not have to do with him at all. I think you can do better than being in this relationship. He is full of excuses, not treating you well. Thinking of himself over your wellbeing, he should be ashamed of the way he is treating you. I don't know you and feel bad about what you're going through.
Leave him so he can go play patty cake with someone who's willing to be a doormat, and bow to his majesty (right), Stop letting it be you. And as far as the pill goes, doesn't he realize at all that's why they named it the "morning after" pill and not the "day after tomorrow" pill. Your boy is lacking common sense. He should be caring for you and not cruising around with his ex while you're at home crying. His accusations are a bunch of BS too. If you haven't given him reason for them, he should keep his trap shut. Remember this saying if you think things will change "The stupid will remain stupid."
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (19 September 2007):
 Hello,
I recognize your problem - you've asked about this situation before. Why are you still with this person? He treats you terribly.
My suggestion is to break up with him for real this time. I don't know what happened after you called him to get your things back, but you can't let it happen again. Don't let him manipulate you anymore. I'm sorry, but he is using you. He was able to convince you to get back with him somehow - then he slept with you. Now he's convincing you that you're in the wrong for feeling upset about his ex...again!
This guy is more trouble than he's worth. Quoting from one of my last posts to you: "All this guy does is accuse you of things, assume things about you, go out with his ex late at night when he knows it bothers you, hangs onto pictures of his ex, doesn't introduce you to his friends, has a generally nasty attitude, had you give up friends for him, and the list goes on. Does this sound like someone who is a good boyfriend?? God, no!"
Do you think this is really going to end when she leaves the country? My bet is there will be more problems. What happens when he visits her? I'm guessing that would probably happen since he seems to put her before you. Have you discussed this with him - if he plans to visit her?
Like I keep saying - I think you need to get away from this guy. There are other men who would treat you the way you want to be treated: like a person who has feelings, needs and wants. You have to respect yourself more than this - you can't let someone keep walking all over you or your self esteem is going to be shot to sh*t completely and you'll never escape this awful pattern that's forming in your life.
Take care of yourself. Think about YOU first. Take care of YOURSELF and don't let anyone treat you like crap. You don't deserve it.
Take care.
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