A
female
age
,
*uelz elliott
writes:Seven years with my man and he never wanted sex all he wanted was to stand above me touching me while masturbating. I feel intimidated and unworthy can some one please tell me if this is natural not to penetrate ever? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2007): You're guy seems only to care about his own needs ie. he needs to feel in control, dominant and basically degrade you to get off! Why are you with this moron? Someone needs to explain to him we're not all porn actresses and don't enjoy being used like this, that real women need a connection with their partner to be able to enjoy sex and intimacy is a big factor.Personally I would'nt have the time of day for him!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): Wow, this is interesting... a man that doesn't want sexsorry tosay but something has to be wrong.
I would feel worthless too, he is treating you like his mistress so my question to you is where is his lover? I don't believe for a second that he is going without sex altogether darling.
I hope he understands that you have needs aswell and adheres to them? I wouldn't settle for this any longer, its his behaviour thats strange not yours.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (18 September 2007):
 I have to ask this, It came after answering your question earlier. How else does he act in your relationship. Does he give any signs that he may be "in the closet" and penetration with females does not excite him?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): It seems to me that pretty much anything that is consented to by consenting adults is normal - if you and he like it then it is both normal and fine. However since you say that you feel intimidated and unworthy then of course it isn't fine. As this has been going on for 7 years I would imagine that your boyfriend assumes that this practice is fine for you although if he is aware of your discomfort then he doesn't sound very loving. You need to speak to him about this and say to him that you feel reduced by his behaviour and that you would like a more reciprocal relationship that includes your own pleasure. If he is unwilling to change then you must really examine whether this relationship is the one for you.
What you must remember is that you are worthy and deserve a good loving relationship with a partner who is able and willing to provide you with what you want - inside and outside the bedroom. If your current boyfriend's behaviour leaves you feeling low in self esteem then I fear you will undervalue yourself in other areas of your life.
Ultimately if this practice leaves you feeling the way it does then you have to say something and if he won't stop you have to stop it. It might be that if the practice was just one element of a broader more loving sex life that you might enjoy even this element but frankly it doesn't sound like this.
Don't let his selfishness turn you into someone who is too scared to ask for and expect what YOU want
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (18 September 2007):
Is it possible that he does know what is normal? You need to find out the reason he does what he does.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): it could be a fear of getting you pregnant or he is scared that he mite not please you if i may ask how big is he in penis size ??
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (18 September 2007):
I don't think for seven years that would be natural. I don't know how you put up with it for seven years. If I did that when I was married she would have followed through with her threat of cutting it off, bronzing it so she can have it whenever she wanted.
I wouldn't just bring it up to him. You don't want to cause embarrassment. I'd speak to a professional in psychology or even sex therapy, they'll be able to better answer what's going on. I wish I could, this is the first time I'd ever heard of something like this lasting for the period it has.
Take care.
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